Follow
Share

It’s just about time to place my husband. His overall health is pretty good. But he has tremors that often interfere with his eating, dressing, toileting, etc. He barely walks with a Rollator but often gets stuck in a stutter step, and has fallen many times. Most of the time I can help him up but have had to call for assistance many times too. I’m starting to burn out. I think he understands that but he expects me to care for him. I absolutely know for a fact that if the situation was reversed he would not care for me the same way. He would have hired 24/7 help or placed me already before now. He would never do the dressing, batheing, feeding, cooking, washing, laundry, health care for me that I do for him. How to deal with the guilt?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask his doctor to bring it up. You should be present. That starts the discussion, and you should clue in the doctor that it isn’t a discussion about whether. It needs to be clear to H that there’s no longer a choice.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Your profile says Dementia is involved. So, you don't bring it up. He can move longer make informed decisions so you now do it for him. It's now what he needs not what he thinks he wants. And, what you want and need are #1.

See an Elder Lawyer to have ur assets split. Then u can go from there what type of facility u can place him.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Wow, reading your profile and wow your husband has survived so much! And you! I can see why you'd be burnt out. As already mentioned, with him having dementia, the decision is basically up to you. Find a place you think would be good for him and you just have to do it. When my mom moved to AL, I did not tell her until the very last minute to avoid a lot of arguing and drama that I knew would ensue. Of course she did not want to go but it was a necessity for my sanity and to have my house back. Of course, different than your situation in some ways since spouse vs mother is not the same.

Don't let the guilt eat you up. For his safety and your sanity, for both of your well beings, placement is most likely the best answer.

Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You bring it up with solid honesty.
As in:

"I am so sorry, but I cannot care for you in the home anymore".

Then you see to business so that you can continue to provide loving and gentle support with visitation.

There is no room for argument and there is no other way around this. Impossible is impossible.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter