I have been caring for my MIL for a couple of years now. She is doing fairly well health wise. She pretty much stays in bed now. My difficulty now, is that she wont let me change her more than once a day, (which is not good.)
How does a person explain to someone with dementia I need to change her, when she insists she is not wet?
I had this problem with my mother and my FIL .
Per my mother’s doctor “ There often comes a time when a parent or spouse with dementia can no longer be cared for at home , because they will no longer listen to family “ .
Mom wont be going into a nursing home. I will take care of her.
She has been more compliant lately.
If she’s well hydrated, she’s surely going to need more than even two changes in 24 hours. In fact, in a facility it would most likely be required that she be checked every 2 hours to see if she’s wet, and they most certainly would change her. The aides would know how to make sure she is changed.
Often we think we can take care of our loved ones at home. But often, that’s impossible because of the sort of problems that you’re running into.
She wont be going into a nursing home. I will take care of her. I just needed helpful suggestions.
But I do appreciate your input.
They also have something called “Purewick”
for women’s incontinence.
Maybe a hospital type gown with the back open, would help. She still should get up, or do some type of exercise in the bed, or she will go downhill quickly.
Best of luck to you both.
🙏🍀❤️
Try setting a regular schedule so it becomes part of her daily routine.
Don't ask, just say, "I'm here to change that diaper." After the chore is finished,
do something that she likes; offer a treat, get her up and go out to the other room (if that is something she can do), turn on a TV program she likes and looks forward to. Record some shows she likes, so you can play it any time.
After some time with a consistent routine where she knows she gets something she wants when the cleaning is done, she may become more compliant.
You could hire an aide or a team of two to change her and bathe her. She may be more willing to accept it when someone who looks like a professional is there to do their job.
Oh, just to be clear, she still may not be cooperative. But you need to ignore her, push through and get it done anyway, for her health and safety.
My husband has been bed-ridden in diapers for 10 years, after a massive stroke.
He still fights me every step of the way. Or he thinks he is cooperating, but he doesn't really know what he's doing. I get hit, grabbed, and he pulls away from me while I try and clean him. Every so often he'll get hold of a soiled wipe, pulling it out of my hand and throwing it, so now I have to clean poop off the wall and the floor and the bed side table. It's not an easy job. It just has to be done.
My life sucks. And so does his.
It sounds like you'll gladly run yourself into the ground caring for her. That all that matters is if she's happy. I believe you! But this is also martyr behavior. Do you have anything else going on in your life besides her? Will you feel lost and no longer needed when she passes away?
How much more will you be able to do as her dementia worsens? Because it will.
If you think all nursing homes are hellholes, you are incorrect. Facilities aren't how they were 50, 30, even 10 years ago. Yes, there's still crappy ones, but there are numerous people on this forum who had to place a parent, and it's worked out beautifully for both.
I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That the love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Even if they keep pretending it is.
I've been using different approaches and and different techniques. I am getting better and more efficient every day.
She is doing much better now!
As far as nursing home where she will get the "care" she needs... well nobody will LOVE her the way we do.
We change her clothes frequently.
I braid her beautiful long hair every night. I read to her, play music, sing together, watch movies together. She is a joy to be around.
I also must say everyone's circumstances are different and I am not judging anyone's choices.
Dementia is a unique journey for the sufferers and their families. Some patients get violent. Some are disagreeable. Some need considerably more attention than others. But a nursing home is not for us.