My husband is wheelchair bound and now, Homebound. He could not get himself up from the toilet so I could pull up his depends. Finally, after much tugging and pulling I barely managed to get him onto the wheelchair. I am 80 He weighs over 200 pounds and is 82. I know they have commodes for this but between 2 wheelchairs, bed rails, shower chair, and lift chair, my home is looking like a hospital. He wets the bed every day (and his chair) I live here too and I hate the idea of a commode. Where do I put it after he uses it ? But this is about dressing him. He cannot stand and the few times he attempts it, he leans over so much, there is no way I can pull his depends up and pants. It is so frustrating. I do not think any homecare worker could do what I do and to be honest, I do not want a man in my home to help. I would feel uncomfortable. I know he needs to be in a facility but he does not want to go. What a dilemma I am in. Any suggestions???
https://www.buckandbuck.com/mens-adaptive.html
https://www.silverts.com/mens-adaptive-clothing/
Once I had some samples to go by I was able to alter some of my mom's existing clothes.
No one WANTS to go into a facility. But for the best for both of you, I really think that is what must happen.
I wonder if you can enlist the help of your doctor? Tell them your situation and ask if it is reasonable for you to handle this on your own. Of course, they will say absolutely not! Then, maybe they can help you get things moving in the right direction.
Do you have any children or other family who can help you, at least for the short term before you can get this straightened out (meaning get him moved to a facility)? Beg them for help, for YOU. He doesn't want help? Fine. But you need help. Who is doing the cooking and the cleaning, etc. etc.? You could certainly use help with that at the very least. But that is just the tip of the iceberg since the needs here are sooo much more than those basic daily living activities.
Make some phone calls and get yourself some help. I'm not saying it's easy, but I think it would be for the best. Good luck.
Her CNA taught me how to use lift when she was in SNF.
But I’m 60 & good health...for how long....?? if I were you I’d put husband in facility...
hugs🤗
What kind of bed do you have? If it's a big bed, you should at least get a twin. You need to be able to step around to both sides. Better yet, you need a hospital bed. Being able to move it up and down really helps a lot. A bed pad makes rolling so much easier. It's hard to rolls someone by gripping or tugging. It's easy to roll them by grabbing the pad under them by the corners and pulling up.
Using the same technique, I can even change her sheets and pads while she's still in bed.
Hospital beds are very helpful -- you can get his doctor to write an order for that, and hoyer lifts. Pay attention to skin breakdown if he's sitting all the time. Decubitus ulcers can quickly form and it will require aggressive daily dressing changes. But you may be forced to consider nursing home placement--even so you need to visit often and do daily skin inspections including the buttocks
BTW, our mother is in a private facility, non-profit. She is in the MC part of an IL/AL/MC place. It certainly is not disgusting. I would not have agreed to have her there if it was (we checked out 3, one was a no go from the first look.)
Use the regular Adult Diapers and they can be easily changed when he is lying down in bed.
My Father doesn't stand very well and I purchased what they call Slero Shirts on line from J C Penny's.
They make dressing my Dad easy.
But the 100 % cotton ones as they are soft and breathable and the have a few buttons down the neck and a pocket which my Dad really likes so he can put his handkerchief in.
They are easy to put on and easy to lift up for him to go to the potty.
They are very comfotable and come in a variety of colors to have one per day for a week.
This way he can be relaxed and comfortable and only where a shirt and shorts when going out.
I find shorts a lot easier to maneuver and he can always use a blanket to cover his legs.
In regards to the potty chair, I actually have one potty that fits right over the commode.
1.Pants. Hopefully you are dressing him in pull on pants like the fleece type. And do not use sweat pants that have elastic at the ankle.
Take a pair of scissors and cut the pants. Start about 3 inches behind the side seam and cut a "U" shape out going up to the same point on the other side of the pants. You are cutting out the Butt portion of the pants.
Now with him seated in the wheelchair you can pull pants on and then tuck the waist around behind him. This makes it easier to get pants on and off and it eliminates bulk of fabric and wrinkles that can cause skin irritation.
If you go out you can put "regular" pants on him or just make sure there is a lap blanket tucked around him in case the pants slip.
2. Shirts.
Take your scissors and at the bottom center of the back of the shirt cut all the way up to the neck but do not cut through the neck.
You can now slip the shirt over his head and get his arms in and then tuck the rest of the shirt around. Again no bulk of fabric at the back and no wrinkles. And you do not have to lean him forward to get the shirt into place.
3.Foot wear. If there is no need for shoes don't bother with them.
I got nice "memory foam" slippers that sort of looked like a deck shoe or loafer and I would slip those on. No socks. After showering I would dry the feet well, apply the cream I used then the shoes. His feet always seemed cold so I would sometimes slip on a pair of super warm socks but I would not put the slippers back on. I liked to keep his heels floating and the shoes with the bulky socks was a lot of weight pulling on the ankles.
4. Stop using pull up briefs and switch to tab type briefs. They will be easier for you to change as you will not have to get him to stand to pull them up.
5 Get good under pads for the wheelchair and the bed. There are many good washable ones on the market as well as disposable ones.
If your husband has strength in upper body you might try getting a Sit-to-Stand it will make transferring him so much easier. If he does not have the strength to hold on to the arm of the machine then you would be much better off with a Hoyer Lift.
I know more equipment! But and this is my number 1 thing...SAFETY Your safety as well as his. You can not afford to injure yourself and I am sure you do not want him hurt in the process.
If this is something that you do not think you can do by yourself and safely it might be time to consider help. Either in the house or moving him or both of you to a facility where you can both get the help you need.
I know none of this stuff we deal with is easy and can be mentally draining. Empathy seems to help get me though those frustrating times.
God Bless
i would ask the doctor to get a physical therapist or occupational therapist to come to the home to show you how to best move him and dress him. The good ones can be lifesavers.
i leave a commode out and I have furniture moved into the kitchen and medical equipment all over. It is what it is I guess. Makes cleaning a challenge though.
Last thing, I think most people would protest going to a nursing home but if that is the best choice, please don’t feel guilty. Patients don’t really know how difficult it can be to care for them properly.
My mom is 101 and she cannot walk, I have someone come every day to bathe her and take her out of the bed on a wheelchair, and go out for a ride to the park.
You can also call his insurance company and they should guide you with it also.
Good luck.
Why pants? Just because he is male?
For my wife, we have for many years, used washable bedpads with a cotton cover sheet for sitting and sleeping.
They are easy to just replace and whisk away to the laundry.
The washable pads hold a lot of moisture. In 7 years we have never had a spill over and Christy pees a lot.
Disposable is nasty. Septic systems are designed to process body waste.
We use a wrap around skirt for lower modesty and a wrap around cape for upper warmth and modesty. We had to cut up '100% cotton' sheets to make a cape,
I had a hospital stay and a home recovery.
I am a male and the same worked well for me.
Cotton, because polyester, even blends, are an irritant.
We learned long ago that babies cry because of that irritation. That diaper rash or heat rash on their back is polyester. We banned any polyester clothing.
If there were a fire, cotton will quickly become ash.
Polyester, even blends, will melt to the skin.
Sometimes sellers lie about the polyester presence.
If suspect, we snip a little and set a flame to see if it turns ash or melts.
Christy is combative, so she especially difficult to dress.
She used to weight 260 lbs and the new way of dressing is so much easier,
The contrast from the way we used to do it is so great that we enjoy the process,
And Christy is always fresh and happy.
I put puppy pads - plastic on 1 side and absorbent material on the other side on chairs and bed for leakage problems.
You probably have pull up style pants for your hubby. Always start putting them on while he is sitting - over feet and legs as high as you can go. Then he can have them pulled up when he stands briefly - make sure he hold a railing, grab bar, or other unmovable object (never you!). Check for pants for folks with mobility problems. Some of these are easier to manage.
You can hire home aides to deal with bathing, dressing, etc. for mornings and evenings to make it easier for you. The aide doesn't not have to be a live-in. You might also consider adult day care programs to give you a break during the week - to go shopping, to run errands, to complete paperwork/mail/bills...
As others have said, you can get in home health folks to come and offer suggestions or show you how to do things a little easier. However they may indicate the need for a different type of equipment - and you aren't really on board for that.
Is it possible that you are at the end of your caregiving road? If so, tell him that you cannot physically lift anymore. If you have the finances, it's time to hire someone FT to take over his daily living tasks. If you cannot afford that, then steer the conversation to him understanding 80 lbs lifting 200lbs, you can't do it because it's killing your back, and there are people trained to do this work with proper equipment at a facility. Maybe he will say it's time to move.
I personally found emptying, cleaning and disinfecting a commode an awful lot easier than changing continence pads! - and then once it's clean, you pop the seat back on and it's not very much different from having a spare chair in the room. Albeit perhaps not a chair you'd deliberately pick to complement your décor.
If he needs resources if a skilled facility, your house will look like one. The point is keeping you safe so you can assist in his care.
First, why do you have to put his pants on? Can he not hang around in pajamas for a few days? They are so much more comfortable. In my mom's rc they dress her every morning. Why? I don't see the point. She just goes right back to bed.
Second, I start my husbands pants with him sitting down. I put his feet in and pull them up to his knees (I work out in a gym to be strong enough to bend and maintain my position for this), then he stands and pulls them the rest of the way.
Third, our local caregivers have a one-hour service (lol) for helping to bathe and dress. It is not expensive ($40). They come twice a week to help my husband shower, etc. I anticipate that the day will come when I need them daily to help him get going. Maybe you are there already or soon?
I highly recommend working out in a gym. I couldn't do this without a lot of strength.
Good luck!
You didn't say so but I will bet you are much smaller than hubby - there is more than one way of doing these things - different styles of depends that go on differently might help you - PLUS did you know about adaptive clothing that have pants that don't have to be pulled up & down the regular way - I used 'SILVERTS' for my mom but there was a section of men too
Due to knee problems I dress sitting down so that I am never on just 1 foot because I don't want to fall - you are going to have to adapt how you are doing this before he takes you down with him & you end up in hospital with a broken led/arm/hip .... then what will happen to him - so this is to benefit both of you