Today I accidentally gave mom four times the amount of iron she was supposed to start. The poison center said it wasn’t a toxic amount and she isn’t showing symptoms, for which I am incredibly grateful.
How do I ever forgive myself for making such a stupid, yet potentially deadly mistake? How do I go forward and be confident in my caregiving abilities ever again? I feel I have completely failed her and am heartbroken.
That's what happened to me, anyway. I always set out my mother's early morning and lunchtime meds in two different egg cups. Then I put the a.m. ones on her breakfast tray and the lunchtime ones in the cupboard. Methodical, see?
And one morning the phone rang and I went to put the lunchtime eggcup in the cupboard, and it wasn't there, and where the heck had it gone, and ohmygod I must have left it on her tray -
Dash to her room. Too late.
Yup, she had taken both sets of meds. Bumetanide, Bisoprolol, Losartan...
😱
I called her GP, confessed, and was told to calm down and report any worrying signs but they didn't think there would be any.
Moral: whichever method you use can be improved by learning from mistakes.
I accidentally gave my father too much of a painkiller medication for a few doses, and the mistake definitely contributed to the whole series of events surrounding the delay of the discovery of my dad’s spinal cord injury. Maybe the effects of the injury wouldn’t have been as bad ultimately if I hadn’t made that error. Sigh. Everyone (including me!) was doing their best.
My sweet dad said he didn’t blame me and I had to forgive myself and just keep on keepin’ on. Best to you and your mom.
your dad sounds like my mom, as she said the same. You were doing your best, as was I. That’s all we can do right? Sigh.
with gratitude,
m
Just for your interest, I was in my mother’s hospital room when the nurse found that another nurse had mixed up doses big-time because she was not clear about exactly what metric milligrams meant. She was visiting from a country hospital, to get recent city experience – which she clearly needed. There was a sub-voice panic, but my mother wasn’t killed, thank heavens. If they can do it, you need to forgive yourself. Just work on ways to make it less likely to happen again!
thank you. Through all the support here I am learning, being reminded that we as humans are not perfect. It is humbling and appreciated.
with gratitude,
m
It feels like a mountain to move right now, but I will work on forgiveness.
with gratitude,
m
m
More important, just by your description you are putting an incredibly unmanageable burden of stress on your already overburdened list of responsibility if you are not even allowing for the possibility of making an innocent ERROR which was NOT “potentially deadly”.
Will it help you OR your mother by characterizing your actions with language like “completely failed her” and “heartbroken”? NOT ONE BIT.
You do what you do OUT OF LOVE for her, not out of being a Saint who is doomed if an innocent mistake occurs.
IF you cannot arrange for AL staff to administer medications (but her iron is actually a supplement, right?), then buy yourself the best organizer set-up you can find, and set aside a few minutes once a week to set it up. Having done this, YOU will be in better control of preventing accidents with dosage.
I’ve been a caregiver often throughout my life, and I’ve both observed AND LEARNED BY EXPERIENCE, that taking really good care of the CAREGIVER is JUST AS IMPORTANT as taking care of the patient. A weary, depressed, anxious, unnerved caregiver is MORE LIKELY to make an innocent goof than a comfortable, self nourishing one.
Be at peace with what’s happened as a blip in a long sequence of loving care.
It has made no difference in her life. Release your desire to make it too important in yours
I use a monthly pill dispenser for my Mom's meds that I bought on Amazon which holds 31 pill boxes in a tray. The date is printed on one end of each daily pill box, so the tray looks like a calendar when fully loaded. This allows you to pull out the pillbox for the day and put it back in the tray with the date hidden once the doses are taken. (On Amazon search for 'monthly pill box' with what you need-1, 2, or 3 x / day.) It's been a big help to me. I use this method for her prescription meds, and lay out her vitamins on her placemat each AM.
Obviously, you care. Or you wouldn’t be so upset.
mom was such a fabulous caregiver to my sister, I just want to repay that. I appreciate your words.
with gratitude,
m
with gratitude,
m
(I see Margaret already mentioned this but I guess it doesn't hurt to hear it twice) LOL
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