My daughter-in-law and stepson took the title to my husband's car and registered it to themselves. Supposedly there was a discussion 3 years ago, that if anything should happen, the car would go to them. Nothing in writing, just their word. He has dementia, and is at the end of life with a failing heart. The car was only in my husband's name, an oversight that didn’t seem important at the time. We’ve been married 50 years. Not only is this causing friction with my other 4 children, but my husband doesn’t want to upset anyone or cause a fight, and just doesn’t want to deal with it. I’m feeling betrayed, angry, and have no idea how to undo this without getting my husband upset. He’d rather not argue, (dementia), neither would I, but this is so wrong. I asked if they felt it was wrong morally, and they said, nope, not at all. What a mess. Any advice is appreciated.
All I can think of is to make a police report. This will give you documentation and a place to start.
If your husband does not back you up, there is nothing you can do on your own to get the car back, unless you are POA. Maybe he did not share all the truth with you?
I hope this did not leave you without transportation of your own.
The car must have been an asset of the marriage, whether or not your name was on it?
You might need an attorney to protect your assets.
Try checking with the DMV who the car is now registered to.
The liability of a car transferring title can fall on you and your husband if the transfer is not complete, not insured in their name etc. and they have an accident.
Add working with the insurance company to your to do list. If your husband doesn’t own the car anymore, he’s probably due for a refund for any coverage after the transfer date.
Sit back and see what everyone does.
Back way up and look at the big picture.
Timing of when to do what would be important in order to not upset your DH and to make any report in any necessary time frame. Not an easy decision.
DH sounds pretty cognizant if he knows all about this and doesn’t want you to take any action. Perhaps the heart disease is what he will pass from? That comes with extreme fatigue and it may be difficult for him to deal with even small issues.
This couple obviously don’t think much of your position as dads wife. What else could they be up to? Is the son involved in the business?
As for the other 4. Sounds pretty dysfunctional. They want a star for not also stealing? You are the injured party here, not them or is it they are doing the heavy lifting and he is doing the stealing?? Family dynamics can be tough. Blended ones especially. You have enough on your plate without their piling on but you are the gatekeeper and they may just want you to realize what is going on and not stand for it. I am so sorry.
Or perhaps DH doesn’t remember that he signed the documents but did?
Is he operating the business at all these days? It might be worth your time to dig deep on other transactions he may have executed documents for.
I wonder if you could easily enough get a copy of the title with the signatures and dates? They have already admitted to taking the title so they aren’t denying that. I was also wondering if they are bluffing and plan to present a copy of dads death certificate in the future in order to have a valid title? Possession being nine-tenths of the law and all that.
It is easy for us to make assumptions that are often clouded by our own life experiences and point of reference. No disrespect intended.
I think I might find out what you could do and what the ramifications would be for all. Give it a minute and realize that as you have already acknowledged it is mostly the betrayal that matters. I am sorry for this pain. Please do let us know how this works out.
My own brothers family hated his second wife (of 20 some odd years) so much they even required her to remove her headstone from the cemetery. She had it installed right beside brother and his deceased’s wife’s stone for her future use as many second wives do. It was made clear to the SM that the stone could be moved in whole or in pieces but it would go. One day it was no longer there.
If your step-son wasn’t doing something wrong he would not have needed to sneak behind your back and present as a fait accompli. I am not sure which act would gall me most.
Maybe there's a more subtle way to deal with this. Is there going to be any sort of inheritance to your/husband's children after he/you pass? I might add a codicil reducing this child's portion of the inheritance by the value of the car and split that extra amount money between the remaining children. From the description of this DIL, that would likely sting her more than anything else that might happen.
Or, since the wife will still be alive when dad passes, she can write into the new will how she wants it handled.
Since there was a whole lot of deception going on here, I can understand the siblings being upset and perhaps they need to have their own sit-down talk and explain to the sibling that now has the car exactly how they feel. Either that, or this will simmer until both parents have passed. A car is not worth division in a family. Deal with it now and move on. I hate seeing families destroyed because of money.
My father gave me mom's car (a 2012 Toyota) when she died. He then bought himself a new car (2020 Subaru) and told me that since I got mom's car, my sister gets his. Folks have told me that isn't fair. Why not? I am happy with the Toyota, it is serving me well. And I can't wait to see how thrilled my sister will be when I tell her the Subaru is hers. It isn't always about the money.
If your DIL took that title without your permission thats stealing. If your husband did not sign it, someone did so thats fraud.
Promising someone they can have something means nothing if its not in writing. Either a codicil has to be attached to a Will or something in writing that your husband signed.
There is a way to get a title replacement saying you lost it. I would really want to make sure that the car is insured by DIL. That your husband cannot be held responsible if there is a serious accident.
My husband has his car in his name, my car is in my name we share insurance bill. We were told years ago not to put our names both on the title. If ur sued and have the car in both names you could lose everything. In one name u can only be sued for half of your combined assets.
You could deduct value of car (at time of title transfer) from what stepson would receive by way of division of assets at death.
Do all the children belong to your husband? Would that car have been sold and money divided between all children equally? If that's his only child and others belong to you, then maybe hubby really di want just him to get it.
If stepson told me he thought his title transfer action was fair, my next question would have been... Why should he get something the other kids didn't get....and...who signed dad's name on title
How about his will? Is DIL and stepson included in the will or trust?
How much was the car worth? Was it over the yearly gift tax amount?
If your husband or the person who had POA for him, did not sign over the title, yes that is fraud and theft. Is it worth going to court for it right now? Probably not. Make sure you take pictures of the car now and do a little bit of research to assess the value of the car. Kelly Blue Book, kbb.com , would be a good source to figure out the value, then print or keep the value number handy.
I don't know what it would take to get a copy of the title that they turned over to the state. It might be worth having for the future.
If they stand to inherit anything if your husband passes, you could deduct the "worth" of the car, out of their portion of what they inherit, based on the value from kbb.com.
If they stand to inherit nothing after your husband passes, unless you want to go to court, chalk up the experience under "people to watch out for" and ensure they don't come to visit you any longer at your house. I suspect they have been stealing from you for a long time and you just have not been aware of it or thought of it as stealing.
I'm sorry that your trust in them and their good character has been blown to bits. However, I'd be very careful about any dealings with them in the future since it is obvious that that they are willing to commit fraud and forgery by signing your husband's name to the title and taking possession of his car while your husband is alive.
This could be just the beginning of the trouble you will have with them.
P.S. I'm a little concerned that your husband just wants to let it go. By any chance, could he have given them the go-ahead to take the car when you were not around? How did they get hold of the title?
P.P.S. The other 4 children, assuming they are adults, need to realize that Dad can give away possessions anyway he wishes. The problem of the car is between Dad and stepson/DIH. Life is frequently not equitable amongst children. To you, be prepared for a potentially contentious division of assets when your husband passes.
as spouse, your husband’s assets fall to you upon his passing. Including the car.
Are they carrying the car insurance?
I would take this as a warning, this daughter feels entitled. I would have all the locks changed in the house. I would make sure all legal documents are secure. If I felt it was needed, I would give a set of keys to the person I could trust and with that the place where all important papers are. Maybe buying a fire safe cabinet with a key only that person has. It is not unusual for step children to overlook a step parent when the bio parent passes. They think their rights override the step-parents. I so hope that your Wills read "what is yours is mine" because that means everything your husband owns is yours. He could leave certain things to his children but you would own everything else. Then its up to you how generous u want to be with your husbands personal effects. If you have joint accts, I may open one of my own and start having my SS and any pension go into that acct. Your entitled to half of what is in the joint acct. I would withdraw that. You need to protect yourself. Also, this SD needs to realize she didn't walk into her Dads house and take that title, she walked into your house too.
I would not be surprised that she had Dad sign that title over. You can claim he was incompetent to make that decision. Even if you don't get anywhere with this, you now know which child you need to watch.
Some questions about the car. Do you need or want the car for yourself? Was the title changed recently or 3 years ago when husband was lucid and agreed to it? If so, then perhaps that's what your husband really wanted when/ if he signed the title over. I don't understand how the title got transferred otherwise, unless it was by fraud. Gather together all your children/step-children and have a meeting about this. Hopefully, all of you can air your feelings with grace and not anger. Your husbands peace of mind - dementia or not - is paramount. Obviously, your husbands son feel entitled - and although you feel betrayed - In the big scheme of things, is this really worth fighting over?
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Just remember though, that if your husband's Social Security is quite a bit more than yours, you would be giving up the right to claim his higher SS payments upon his death. Your attorney will go over everything with you and make the suggestions that make the most sense! The ONLY advice given to you by the members of this website that you SHOULD take is to GO TALK TO AN ATTORNEY. They handle these types of things on a daily basis! They've seen it all!
https://blog.ssa.gov/ex-spouse-benefits-and-how-they-affect-you/
A legal consult is still a good idea.
I din't think you should divorce, I do think you need to make sure a Will is in place snd all your ducks in a row. Your steps need to be told they have no rights when there is a spouse of 50 yrs involved. Spouse always out weighs children.
PS - one more thing to really check on is whether they put their own insurance on the car. You do NOT want them driving it under your policy. Since you do not currently have possession, cancel the insurance immediately. I also agree that changing the locks on your house and having a fire proof safe for important papers (like titles) would be a good idea. Hopefully you have someone you trust that you can give a key and the combination to.