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I need help to make a decision. My mother is 97 and has Dementia. She fell at Christmas and broke her Distal Femur. She had surgery, but remains in bed in hospital. She cannot get out of bed without the aid of two people. She has very bad eyesight due to Macular Degeneration. The hospital says that she can be discharged to home once I have 2 people to lift her, wash her, get her to a commode etc. I can only be there Friday and Saturday nights, but I have reservations about caring for her personal hygiene. Do I bring her home or should I consider a Long Term Convalescent/ Care Home?

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Who would care for her the other days of the week?
If there is no one you have no option but to place her in Long Term Care. I doubt that Rehab would be effective.
It sounds like she would qualify for Hospice and with Hospice you would get equipment that you would need to transfer her easily. (not recommended but 1 person can move a person using a Hoyer Lift I did it for at least 2 years)
BUT this is up to you. YOU are the only one that can determine if she can safely remain at home.
If there is someone that will be with her 24/7
If the person with her can comfortably and safely use a Hoyer
then she could be cared for at home.
But if you are not comfortable with this option and there is no one else then she needs to be placed in Long Term Care.
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I know how painful it is to make the decision for long term care but it's the only realistic option, your mother needs too much care to bring her home.
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Unless your mother can afford 2 caregivers living with her at home 24/7, then the choice to stay in long term care is a simple one. Then you don't have to do any hands on caregiving for her at all. You'll also need back up plans for when one of the 2 full time caregivers calls in sick, so hire an agency that will provide you with fill in CGs for those times. If it were me, I'd leave her in LTC where round the clock care is provided and there's no worries about people not showing up, etc. I could never look after someone with THIS level of care needs, especially with dementia, etc. I'm simply not qualified OR cut out for it. So don't feel badly if you're not either.

Good luck!
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It really all comes down to finances. If you can only be there 2 nights a week, you will be hiring, probably, 6 people per 24 hr period. - 2 people working 8 hr shifts, and 3 eight hour shifts. And it's possible 1 or 2 could be no shows at any given time and an agency is not going to be johnny on the spot to replace them. Potential of leaving mom alone for an entire 8 hrs on any given day. With that said, you caring for her personal hygiene is the least of your worries. . . and could mean you really don't want to be involved in the caregiving.

I 'think' you've already made up your mind to put her in a nursing home, but you need some confirmation that you are certain to get on this site. Logically, if 2 people have to be on duty all the time, even if you spend 2 nights there would be the second person there with you that could handle the personal hygiene or wiping her rear, if that's what you mean. Your reservations may not have anything at all to do with that task. Maybe you could make an easier decision about this if you just said, I can't/won't/don't want to do this caregiver thing.

Ask the doctor if she can go to rehab and give it a go there. You will have to be more involved than 2 nights a week to figure out what they are doing for her while she's there. It's extremely possible for the doctor to write an order that two people have to get her up, wash her, put her on commode, but it's highly unlikely it will ever happen. Rehabs and nhomes work understaffed because that's how they top out on profits. You may get the walk around in a beautiful facility and told there are always 2-3 caregivers on each wing/floor, but that's all in the sales pitch. If mom can't do for herself a little, she may get to go to the rehab area for a short period of time, but they aren't going to lift her and carry her to a toilet. A diaper will be slapped on her immediately. Short staffed means an older person can't hold their pee long enough to wait on someone to come to them. If she isn't pushing to get better, they aren't going to push. They will bring food trays instead of spending the time of taking her to the cafeteria (if it's open due to covid).

Can only assume dr is advising it's time to discharge home because he has a reason not to send her to rehab -- you really should ask why. Even if you aren't taking her home, would the rehab help her be a little stronger?. Isn't it worth a try? Can you commit to being her eyes (if they will let you in) to make sure she is getting rehab services being paid for. . .ensuring they are taking her to the toilet. . . etc.
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I would recommend trying to find in home care first! There are programs out there to help with funding if needed. After my experience with some of these nursing homes I would NEVER want to put someone I love in there. Not if I could find a better solution. There is so much neglect and abuse.

A program in our state called IRIS is wonderful. They will help you so you can direct her care and hire the people you want to help. They will also assist with funding for things needed in the home.

Her insurance can also cover nursing in the home and rehabilitation right in the home. Please check into those possibilities. May God Bless you and your mother and help you to find the answers you need. May He heal your mother quickly!
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I think LTC seems like the most practical choice at this point. If/when she heals and gets stronger, maybe consider having her home with lots of help. But needing 2 people to get her up at home if just not feasible.
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LTC 110%
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What progress has she made in the last month, and what have you been advised she might make in the next one to three months?

If you can only be there two nights a week, your own reservations about supporting her personal hygiene are really neither here nor there: what's the main plan for providing for her care?
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