He's functional, but not able to fully comprehend the credit card monthly bills and apparently ignored a fraud warning on one of them.
I have to make a detailed list of whatever he needs to shop for - and his response is that "I'm bossing him around".
I have to tell him what to wear around the house so that he won't destroy his "good" clothing while doing dirty jobs. Then he gets mad at me.
I'm so tired of undoing his mistakes and I don't have time to take care of the things I need to do.
He won't talk to his Dr. He won't go for a brain scan or any neurological testing. He won't go for a hearing test.
Sorry - I'm venting.
Any ideas?
The first thing you need to do is accept that this is how he is and you can’t change that. Then figure out a ruse to get him to a doctor who can diagnose and perhaps prescribe Aricept or another drug that slows dementia’s progress. Tell him Medicare requires a doctor’s visit to renew.
I’m sorry for your situation. Many of us on this site have been through it.
You need to start by getting him to a doctor. Tell him that it would be a good thing to establish a baseline so that later on if he has problems a comparison can be made. That’s the truth. If he won’t do it tell him you want one too and then do it. It wouldn’t hurt and it may convince him that these sorts of tests are routine. He probably doesn’t want to go because he knows something is wrong and he doesn’t want to hear it but too bad.
Another thing you can do is tell him you need to update your will, advanced directive, life insurance whatever and that in order to do that he needs to have a routine physical performed. Once he gets through the door of the doctor’s office you can use the doctor as an ally.
I've seen success with this.
Then for followup, take your husband.
Sometimes honesty works.
"I am concerned about some things. Please come with me".
Alternatively, there can be ways to get someone to an appointment. Little 'therapeudic fibs' if needed (eg flu jab, medication review, annual checkup). Once there, some subtle observation by the Doctor or simple routine screening test (if person is willing).
Speaking to the Doctor first can open the way. Building trust is key.
At the start of dementia, it’s usually only the spouse who notices the dementia/memory loss (not other family, not friends, not the person getting dementia).
https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half
5 other losses besides memory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awBm4S9NwJ0
Anosognosia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nw3YUDQJuY