My MIL used to be nice to me several months ago . Since she has been diagnosed with Malignant Melanoma and Parkinson's disease, she is getting more and more agitated with everything that I do to help her. She thinks that I'm taking her money, that I put to much food on her plate, that I'm losing her bills{ she's hiding them} that I drive her car to slow, that I'm pushing her wheelchair to fast, that I shouldn't buy her gifts, that my cell phone is too fancy. And the list goes on and on. My stress level has reached a point of Doctors visits, insomnia, agitation and loneliness. Her son is in denial and won't discuss any of his mom's problems with me. I feel like I'm alone and to date, I have quit helping his mom.
What you are experiencing is quite "normal" in the dementia aspects of Parkinson's disease, and other dementia. The person gets paranoid. Nothing in their world is going right. It has to be someone's fault, and often they pick the person who is around the most. (Sometimes they blame a neighbor or a "bad guy.")
My husband's paranoid period lasted several months -- the hardest months for me of the entire 10 years! I was stealing his money. I stole his car. I was holding him against his wishes. He told this to the neighbors. He tried to tell it to the sheriff, but fortunately he couldn't dial the phone well enough.
If you can detach yourself some, do it!
Here are some tips for when you do interact with her:
1) Even though she is accusing you, it really isn't personal. She was nice to you a few months ago. She still likes you. She just needs someone to blame. You're it, for now at least.
2) Arguing and using logic is not effective in this situation. Save your breath.
3) Go along as best you can, and change the subject. "Well, I sure didn't deliberately hide the bills, but I guess I might have misplaced them. How about if I look for them right after we have some ice cream?" "Yes, this cell phone really is fancy, isn't it? I got a lot of features so I won't have to change it so soon. Did you ever think we'd be able to carry our telephones with us?"
Has the medical staff talked to you and your husband about dementia symptoms within Parkinson's? That might be helpful if you could arrange it. It also might help to attend caregiver meetings. The more you know about what is "normal" in this situation, the easier it should be to not take it personally. Still not easy! But a little easier.
Hugs
Yep, sons can be clueless. My hubby wouldn't "defend" me if she was throwing gas and matches at me. He simply does not DO confrontation and "talking". She is now almost 88 and lives alone. Drives very short distances, but is pretty much a hermit, which is what she wants.
LET HUBBY do all the things. I don't do anything for my MIL. She'd be very upset if I even tried.
Smarter to step away and have some peace than hear how awful you are all the time. I wish I had bowed out of her life completely many, many years ago.