65 yo CVA patient with grown son, over 40. In three years he has not offered any support or financial help. I moved from out of state to prevent my brother from being institutionalized. My nephew would have put him in a nursing home. "Let the state take care of him".
Why do you expect his son to help if he already washed his hands of his dad's care from day 1?
You are now finding it too hard financially, physically and emotionally. I can sympathize with that. I took care of my mother for 5 years. It was extremely difficult. Perhaps, you should rethink your plan to keep your brother from being institutionalized. How many more years can you keep doing this at the expense of your health and your finances?
I met a lovely man a few years ago (40s I guess). His Mother's was a CVA survivor, now hemiplegic with 24/7 care needs.
He visited when he could.
For him to BE the full-time career was impossibe. A team was needed 24/7. He was one man, untrained for that work anyway. Was he to leave his career? He had a career, wife & kids. Was he to impoverish them to pay for his Mother's care? There were other options for his Mother's care - State funded NH.
He didn't love how it was - but realised the common sense of it.
I think the OP here is/has given freely their time, love & labour because they wanted to.
If it's time to add more help to the care plan - then look for & obtain that help. No good comes of labelling the OP the victim here & blaming the son in the long run.
If the plan needs changing, focus on that. Head towards avoiding caregiver burnout.
You can only change yourself, and the way you choose to manage your own life.
Financial aid from children is a VERY BAD MOVE. Our children have their own lives, their own families, their own costs, and they need to save what they have left for their OWN old age, so that they do not become a burden to someone else.
You have chosen to move and to undertake the others. Don't think you can dictate the choices of others.
When you have a statement from a child of this sort ("Let the state take care of him" it is indicative of a very uncaring person. There is almost always a reason we end up uncaring. Look to the tree the apple fell from.
Here, you wrote "My brother is mentally ill." In the other thread, you wrote "My brother is fully competent, makes his own decisions." So, which is it?
If he's still with it, you should ask him to appoint you his POA before he is found incompetent. That way, his son can't interfere with your care plan for your brother later on if he changes his mind on how his dad should be cared for.
Again, don't look to the son for any help. It won't happen. Look to other sources for help.
Good luck with your caregiving journey.