How do you get an elder veteran to stop thinking about the war?
He is 91 years old and we are unsure of which war he served in he served from 1950-59 we believe from having discussed it with family. He believes the Korean war is the only war he server in but he talks mostly about posts in Japan such as Okinawa. When we have conversations with him he will stop and talk about something involving the war. Of course after hearing the same war story over and over again it’s hard to find different ways to divert the conversation or to humor him. He remembers more about the war then he does his 4 kids and he doesn’t remember any grandkids other than me since i’m with him every day. What he does remember about his kids is only when they were teens or young adults to which were not good times to remember. Example: He remembers his daughter dating what he calls a “flower boy” I’m assuming he was a drug user due to how he says he always smelled of something burnt. So he doesn’t like his daughter much due to that memory that has stuck to him. But whenever he does see her in person it’s a complete opposite of how he spoke of her. He becomes the loving caring dad you’d expect instead of saying he hopes he never sees her again or even going as far as calling her a b*tch. Same goes for his other sons minus my dad since my dad also is with him every day. We try and show him photos or old home recorded videos to make him remember or at least think less poorly of his children but it doesn’t work and it’s mostly due to his dementia. How do we get him to stop wanting to see, hear, talk about the war? Even when I put on a movie for him he begs me to put on a movie that is based around the war but I don’t because I don’t think that would be good for him at all.
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My uncle lived to be 96. He was in WW11, Korea, Japan and Vietnam. For years he couldn’t talk about WW11. It wasn’t called PTSD then. It was referred to has Shell shock.
He finally opened up to his priest. His priest understood completely about trauma because he had been held captive as a prisoner during the war and was tortured. He lived his own hell.
I’m certain your grandfather will never forget his war experiences. What does he do when you validate his feelings? What does he do if you redirect the conversation?
Have you arranged for him to be around other veterans?
Let us know how things work out for you.
Can you speak to a therapist and explain his situation and see what is advised as to the best way to handle it? Is therapy covered by insurance on your plan or his?
If he's suffering from PTSD, now known as PTSS, you'll need to find professional help, preferably through the VA b/c they have the most experience with treating Veterans, and have some new programs in place.
Do you get the VA newsletters? There are often stories of Vets who've turned their lives around through therapy, including with pets.
When he speaks of his experiences, does he speak of specific skirmishes, battles, or does he speak generally? Does he show signs of anxiety?
One of the reasons Vets don't want to speak with other Vets is b/c of the flashbacks that are created in discussing specific events and duties.
What service was he in? Is he getting any assistance at all from the VA, straight medical, or otherwise?
I would let him be, he is at the end of his personal war, if he wants to watch war movies, so what? Avoid conversations with him, he can't be fixed, it is too late.
You are trying to decide what is good for him and what is not, how do you know anyway. His relationships with his children are what they are, accept that and live your own life and let him live his.