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Husband and I are downsizing...and I am anticipating stress on both sides. We also are caring for my mom...and have all her stuff too!

Steps you have found to make this easier?

If you have done it and survived - please let me know!

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The only way downsizing will go smoothly is if you and hubby are on the same page.... wanting to move to the same place [if you plan to move] or if it is clearing out 20-30 years of stuff.

The stuff could become a tangled mess of "I want to keep this"... "You're not throwing THAT away".... "I gave you that as a gift and you want to toss it [or donate]".

I know I will have my hands full with my sig other... he still has his late wife's car and she had passed on 15 years ago...[sigh]. He rarely uses it as he has his own vehicle.

As for your Mother's things, good luck. My Dad still has his college homework from 70 years ago.
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HAHAHAHA!!! I don't think it is possible... maybe take a month long vacation and leave it up to someone else???
Seriously though, I read someone else's idea to mark the things they really wanted to KEEP, and then just close your eyes and get rid of the rest; sell, trash, donate or whatever. I thought that was brilliant, as going at it the other way around is what caused the most stress for me.
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It is very difficult to throw things away. We become so attached. If you are dealing with people who lived through the Great Depression, it is even more difficult as they were taught to keep things. You might need that piece of string later, or reuse the tin foil. Big Sigh. I'm almost as bad. Then you have the later generations who grew up in the age where everything is disposable and they aren't as sentimental. Maybe if you have someone is your family who is of that mindset, you can enlist their help. Paperwork is the very hardest, because we have been told "keep this for your records" so often that we don't really know anymore what to keep and what to throw away, or rather shred.

I'd start with kitchen gadgets. If it is a single use gadget (electrical or not) and you haven't used it in the past year or so, then donate it or put it aside for a tag sale. Then there are clothes that you've outgrown or don't like. Those are the next to go. Then the ones that you can wear, but don't for whatever reason. Out they go. How many shoes, belts and purses do you really need?

Almost any music or movie is available on the computer or on demand on TV. Do we really need to keep the DVD's and such? Some of them maybe, but I know I have some I've seen once and won't ever watch again.

Think: recycle, reuse, resell. In other words, Garbage/Recycle, Donate (to family, charities, etc), and Tag Sale.

Good Luck with this. It is one of things we all struggle with. I don't want to leave it all for my kids to deal with, so I pick through a little each day.
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Here is what not to do: People die, or move away, the neighbors here have a field day going through private stuff left in the dumpsters.
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when I did it, I sold almost everything in a well-publicized estate sale. I'd sold my home and was moving 300 miles away, buying a much smaller one. Soon, I saved about $3000 in moving costs and netted $8000 from the one-day sale. Moved I with mom for thirty days, bought a new tiny house -- and had an absolute field day shopping for new everything.

Smartest thing I ever did.
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Slowly, category by category, and accompanied by soothing music, balanced by other activities which are uplifting. Seriously - it's not just New Age advice. Make it a nice, relaxing project until it becomes too challenging.

I'm doing that now and find I'm more in the mood to do it if I'm listening to favorite music and making a project of it. But when I reach the point that I can't decide on something, I stop and do something else.

If I can't get past that, I put it aside for a second review; it's easier then.

It's easier to work complicated math problems than to part with things that have a lot of meaning, especially after most family members are gone and sometimes their cards and gifts are such strong reminders of them.

With older folks, those memories and their attachments are even stronger.

As to DVDs, CDs, etc., in my case I've seen that these are easy for an elder to use and more convenient than watching movies online or listening to an I-Pod. These are just reminders that technology has changed so much and sometimes they've not moved with it.

E.g., my father loves CDs and DVDs (of Red Skelton, John Wayne, WWII movies & documentaries, and others) but NEVER watches tv. Frankly, given the decline in programming, I'm not sure he's missing anything except a few good documentaries and PBS programs.

And watching something on the Internet can be hard on old eyes.

TXCamper, I'm not criticizing your suggestions; they're good ones. I'm just trying to share another point of view.
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i downsized so sharply ( think bonfire for a week ) that ive been without a flyswatter for 7 months . busted mine on a bats face and purchasing a new one has been a fun exercise in not buying anything i can do just fine without . bust construction season now . splurged and bought one on ebay last week for 84 cents .
now i need 7 dollars worth of bolts for my toilet tank . ive shat in a bucket for years so ill buy the bolts pretty much after ive tired of being a cheap b*stard .
my moms voice still haunts me . " i ainta payin it , let em keep it " .
2 years after moms death i still have money but youd need a shovel to find it . lol
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" busy " construction season .
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2 ideas: My cousin and her husband spent an hour a day together going through every item. 3 choices donate, keep, trash (they also had a box for each 'kid'. When they visited the box went to the kid to handle). It took them a year to go thru a 3BR split level. After the first go around, they had to return and do it again as it wasn't enough.

Second idea, from a book, 50 steps to declutter. Pick a category and assess each such item in the house and make the choices of keep/trash/ donate. So, pillows would be one item. EVERY pillow gets assessed, ones on the bed, ones on couches, ones in closets etc. Your goal is to assess 50 separate categories, not in one day of course! But in the example given, you would only get credit for pillows once, even if your house had 30 of them and even if you got rid of 29 of them! This makes it more of a game. Have I made any progress--- not so far! LOL
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Go smoothly? Uhhhhhh. Order pizza out. Start with the hard stuff first ( I mean the paper, college papers, not alcohol.)
Allow time, days, weeks, months?
LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS.
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Spend time doing, not all planning.
If stress builds, stop then, walk away.
Sneak some non-personal stuff to the dumpster without anyone knowing, because if you are doing it, no one knows better than you. This is the time to take all the pillows to the trash, because you cannot sell them without it being a health hazard.
This is the really seroius part: Respect the dignity and privacy of the elderly while acting in their best jnterest.
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Oh! Sorry, did not read that last requirement" "If you have done it and survived-".
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Hi,

I just had to do this for my mom and the only way possible was to divide it all into STEPS. Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I divided the next step into even smaller steps. Here is how it went:

1. Take everything mom needs to her new AL apartment.

2. Take everything I or daughter wants/needs to my house: garage and attic.

3. Call antiques people to take the next batch for an auction: AND BEWARE, ANTIQUES NO LONGER BRING THE PRICES THEY DID TEN YEARS AGO!!!!!! APPARENTLY THERE IS AN ARTICLE TO THIS EFFECT EVERY MONTH IN THE MAINE ANTIQUES DIGEST!!!!!!!!! So,if you have to decide to keep or sell antiques, keep!!!!!!!!

4. For the rest, call someone who has a flea market booth and let them have the rest.

5. Clean or call a professional cleaner.

6. Done!
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1-800-GOTJUNK was our answer. Take the few sentimental things out that you want first, then let it go. They recycle and re-use what they can.
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My close neighbor, age 84, sold her house in 1 week, gathered up a few things plus clothes she wanted and moved and left everything else. She took only the minimum
furniture, and moved to a one bedroom apartment near the senior center where many other seniors live. She left pictures and all kinds of things I would have considered too sentimental to leave. But she is happy and doesn't seem to have any regrets. The construction crew came in and emptied out her 6 bedroom house into dumpsters. They didn't attempt to recycle any of it. That is certainly not how I could do it. I think everyday about starting and I haven't started yet.
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Slowly. Lower expectations. Increase the amount of time you think you'll need to do it. Just went through it (moved Mom into an addition we put on our house) and still going through it. I get angry that she didn't go through more things before the move but then I step back & realize she is 82 and lived in her 3 bedroom house (with my Dad who passed 15 years ago) for 46 years! That's a lot of living and stuff accumulated. All with meaning.

If they are not sure if they want it, take it & sort through it later. I have a basement full, shed full, attic full & storage room full (from when my spouse's mother passed) so we still have a lot to go through but regular living gets in the way.

I say deadlines must be flexible or feelings will get hurt & tempers will flair. Try to be creative. For example, we made a photo backsplash to display lots of photos that would no longer get wall space.

Valium helps too!
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When my parents died, no one had purged. We hired a dumpster and threw most of it away. Some we donated and we had a yard sale/auction for the rest of it ($3000 total which felt like it should have been $15000 considering how much stuff they had). I wish I would have had the chance to hear what was special to them. In the end we were left with a bunch of stuff that had no meaning so most of it was trash.

Maybe start with the most important things - what they care about and find a safe place for it. Once you get through that stuff, it should be easier to start getting rid of the less significant items.
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I'm in the process and it's sloooooow. I started with everything in the house made of fabric --- old sheets, pillow cases, towels, curtains, blankets, bedspreads, comforters, etc., etc. They take up so much room, accumulate dust, smell damp! Most of the old pillows and cushions went straight to the dumpster. I have several huge bags of ragged, faded stuff (I washed it all --- close to 100 loads) en route to an animal rescue shelter. They use it for bedding, etc. A few bags of decent but unmatched stuff to Goodwill. And there's still a lot left! I'm starting on the five closets and several chests of drawers jammed with clothes two or more sizes too large for my mother. Once all the unusable or undesirable fabric is gone, there'll be room to breathe here and room to work with all the other junk.
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We moved my mother in law with beginning to moderate Alzheimer's into our home before we downsized her. We allowed her to fill a certain amount of boxes with items she couldn't part with and we picked out must haves. We brought her bedroom almost intact, albeit without her kingsize bed, wouldn't fit. We had family take keepsakes and photos, removed personal papers and then we had an estate sale through an Estate Sale company (found it by internet search and interviewed 3) but they take a whopping 30% pretty much across the board. But it was worth it. Almost everything went Even things we thought we would have to throw out. We donated all sheets and towels to the local pet shelter and clothes to Goodwill. My biggest tip would be take only what you really, really love. And that is usually each other, a few things you need. :) One more thing, a reality check. Most things were worth a fraction of what we thought they were, expect that and you will have a good experience.
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Oh, and also...I got room to move in the kitchen by disposing immediately of all the empty jars and bottles and Cool Whip containers.

I have the luxury of going slowly, since this is a down-sizing in place. No move contemplated for a few years at least. I'm just trying to get the house safe, sanitary and functional.
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My husband and i just downsized to move across country and move in with my parents. We had a 6 month lead time and we knew we were going to have a storage unit. We had three yard sales and dontated a lot of what we decided to get rid of. The main questions we asked ouselves were: do we really need it, do we want to store it, do we want to pay to move it? We got rid of so much "stuff" it was actually freeing. We had so much paper to get rid of we paid for the shredder truck to come to the house and that alone was well worth the cost. Once you start getting into the mode, the decisions get much easier to make. Good luck.
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It took me almost a 6 months to downsize our family house from 4000 sq ft to 2000 sq ft. A couple lessons:
1) When you start, gather all miscellaneous items into a bin or box. I had one per room. This is annoying stuff like random power cords, dead cell phones, toys, odd coins, receipts, pens, single earrings, etc etc etc. As I went through each miscellaneous box my mantra was: "Don't put it down. Put it away, throw it away, or put it in the "to be donated" box. Eventually you can consolidate all the miscellaneous boxes into one box.
2) If there are some important things you know you have no use for but you are sentimental about or indecisive about letting go of, keep them and even move them to the new place. Re-evaluate what you want to do with them six months later. I found that after that purgatory period it was easier to accept letting go of sentimental items and the benefit of freeing up space outweighed the twinges of guilt.
3) Don't rent a storage unit unless it's only for a short period of time and you are certain you'll be moving the stuff into a new home. If the stuff you are putting in storage is of no use to you now, it probably won't be in a year or more after you've spent $$$ every month for it to just sit there. I spent $261 on a unit that was far bigger than I needed and it took me almost a year to get around to emptying it out and selling or tossing the stuff (which only happen last month). That was $3,132 down the drain for no good reason.
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Getting started is the hard part. Walk through the house looking for things to throw out. Try to fill your garbage/recycle containers for every pickup. Some days you have less sentimentally attachment to items than other days. Also, keep empty boxes for donations. Everyday find a few items to put in the donation box. This is a slow method, but will get you motivated to do more as you see more space in your house. Most areas have charity trucks that will come by for pickups.
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Moving Mom close to me..what time is everyone coming over ? p.s. you can take it all!
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Do it while you are physically able! I have RA which is mostly under control, but Osteoarthitis has hit me hard in the year and a half since I moved my mother in with me. I still have boxes of her 'special' decorative items never unpacked that I thought I'd be able to go through. (She was overwhelmed and couldn't make decisions). They are upstairs in a storage closet, and stairs are my enemy. I apologize to her about it, but she doesn't miss the stuff! Should have gotten rid of it before she moved. Now it is harder to get to and my energy level is diminished. I am trying to weed out my things so my kids don't have to deal with my junk. But it is hard. Excellend suggestions to set aside (or label) the few special 'keepers' and known the rest can go. Yes to recycle any way you can. I cringe when I see the word Dumpster.
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My husband and I are just starting to prepare for this in about a year. We've been exploring over 55 communities and have found a number of good options. We are going to be downsizing from a 5 bedroom house with an in-law suite, approx. 2,400 sq ft to about 1,800 to 2,000 sq ft. Doesn't sound like much but with the different layouts, more difficult than it would seem. All of these suggestions are excellent (especially the take, donate, trash) ones and I can definitely relate to the difference in our generations' sentimentality to our kids lack thereof (which will apparently serve them well when they are in our shoes!). Complicating matters right now is that we are also working on moving my mother into AL but she is only moving from a one bedroom apartment and she is a minimalist at heart so her situation is actually manageable in my book. Good luck to everyone going through this with us!
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For keepsakes, take a photo of the item, then you can give it away. So, why can't I get rid of my first baseman's mitt now that I am 78 years old?
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I'm back to say how I live now -- since my downsize. Maybe some will find it helpful.

I have one set of sheets for each bed. Two towels for Tom and two for me. When I get tired of any of these linens, I donate them and buy new ones. My linen closet is close to empty -- certainly no linens to be found.

I keep a king-sized plastic bag in the hall closet for donations. I give away any clothes I haven't worn in a year. Am ruthless about donating things I don't use. I've convinced myself that hanging on to things I don't use is either a form of hoarding or a form of greed. So out it goes.

I think I might describe myself as a minimalist. Five years before mom passed, I did the same at her house. I was unaware until that time that, although mom wasn't a shopper, she sure never threw anything away.
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If your mom is living with you, then she would need her personal belongings and what ever item she finds sentimental such as photos. If she has a favorite chair that can go with you as well. Look at the size of home you'll be moving into, take your favorites. Make a donate pile, one pile for trash then the third is for must have, your favorites. Think about your lifestyle, take only the basics. It's not always easy to do it, good luck.
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Watch a few episodes of "Hoarders" before you start. Learn wants from needs. Get rid of garbage or unused items first. Any dishes with 17 yrs worth of caked on grease and dust were not kept. Same with "work" clothes 13 yrs post retirement. Clearly not used. Drugs no longer taking or expired (some in 1997). Same with food in freezer. I threw out boxes of keepsakes (?) without looking inside. 10 years later
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