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It's pretty hard to do unless you go to court and have them proven unable to function on this level. It is frustrating to see them make poor decisions, but it's their money and their call as to whether they assign a POA. Sadly, it is often this way and things can end up messy.
You could check with an elder attorney. He or she may have some suggestions. Good luck, Carol
What if a wife has that same problem with a spouse. My husband handled our finances for almost 60 yrs, and I was the homemaker, and saved and did not spend. Never bought a thing unless with him and he purchased it. I did not know about what he spent and now I have to take over the finances as he had a stroke and can rest now. I have to do everything and feel lost. I have made a budget, and like doing it, but I have no knowledge about the way he has done with the money in the past. The stroke left him unable to express himself. Where do I get an attorney, with little money ?
As a spouse, you have a lot less legal problems than a son or daughter in handling this situation. Many senior organizations such as AAA, AARP, and Church Social Organizations offer courses to help seniors with financial planning and money management. These are low cost or even free. However, beware of scam artists who may approach you offering to "handle" all the stuff for you. Do not give out any personal financial info to strangers or people offering to handle these problems for a "small fee" Deal only with people you and your husband have known for a long time such as the Manager at your Bank or an attorney that has done work for you in the past. Stay away from offers for credit , annuities, reverse mortgages or any other offers in which a large sum of money (anything over $100) is involved.
Leo, who says that you have to do the finances your husband's way? Do things the way you want to now. Do you have a son or daughter that can help decipher your husband's records? I myself do all the bills, but I try to keep them as simple as possible, knowing that someday hubby might be in the same situation as you are now. If you have stocks etc. can't you call those people and have someone give you the 101 class on that particular thing? Simplify, and streamline your finances for your understanding is what I'd suggest.
Well, I have no trouble doing the finances. I have done them, but knowing how to handle the confususion that he has made in the past is very hard. Being secretive with me is longstanding. Yes..I could have fought him and perhaps make him a wreck doing so in order to do the finances as well as everything else in our marriage, but he had a job with lots of spare time, plus lots of responsibility, no work with the home, and this is one thing I thought he would do as he had been doing his parents for years and good at it, I thought. I made a mistake by letting him go thru life with nothing to do, but there is a lot more going on in this than I can tell. I know how to pay the bills etc, but have no info on past dealings with handling the money. I think I know more than he does now that he doesn't want any money or need any, but I don't know how to take over the mess he made without me knowing it. He admits to setting me up. He expects me to be hail and hearty forever and take care of him. I would if they were simple, although I have problems working at the puter as I'm ailing with vision and body problems too. My mind is good and his is too. He just doesn't want the money problems now. I wish I had someone to give the whole story to. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense to other people. I guess. Anyway...I think I have done very well in my life. The one thing I didn't do was the finances when left in my lap after things get rough, is not easy for me.
leothebird1, I sort of know what you are going through. I don't know your age or if your marriage is one where the man is always "in charge". But I have had some of this problem with my husband as well. I pay all the bills but he has investments and an inheritance. He is pretty well off. But none of this money is mine unless he dies. I am the beneficiary of all but I can't touch anything now. I was a stay home mom to three girls two years apart (twins). My plate was full. But now that they are grown and educated, moved away and one married, I still feel he holds all the cards. Some men are just control freaks. We are both cheap and save money, so it is not about me spending. I am just glad my girls are independent and have their own money. I was raised to be a housewife and mom. I loved it but in some ways it is just not enough, especially today.
My husband denies he has a loss of mental ability although several doctors have recommended that I handle all business/financial matters. How can I take charge as long as he denies having a problem. I'm afraid if I'm too aggressive it will upset him and make matters worse. He won't admit that he has abused credit cards and got his finances out of control. Help!
This is not uncommon and frustrates so many spouses. I agree that it's often worse for women as men are frequently the person in charge of finances.
Is there a third party like a banker who can talk with him. You could contact someone at your bank and say that they want to "update" some things and go in together. This person could explain that a financial POA is important for all couples. Explain ahead what the problem is and may this person will have advice about how to proceed.
Otherwise, an attorney may be necessary so that you can take his name off of credit cards and limit his ability to spend. This attorney will likely need some information from your husband's doctor so it's not going to be easy no matter how you proceed.
Good luck with this anxiety producing dilemma. Please keep us posted. Carol
My mother has gotten a boyfriend. She is 93 years old. My Father has been dead for 20 years this is not the first one she has had. She has money and lets them all know. She has gotten one that is 2 fisted spending her money. He has changed his name he lies about how old he is. He has convinced her to sell her home and move to nothern California away from everyone. She has bought a place there at 93. She had lived in her home for 30 years. My father had left a trust with the home in it. She has now removed it and put it in her own trust. She has not given her children her address where she is. WHAT DO WE DO?????
Wow DebbyT that is crazy that your mother has moved to northern CA without giving you and her other kids her address! This new boyfriend sounds like a real con artist. You may be able to get the police to track her down, since most people at 93 aren't 100% "with it" mentally. How did you find out she moved? If she has bought a house there you can search by county on the property tax sites to maybe find her address. Also whitepages lists addresses using driver's license data if she still a licensed driver. I guess you could file a missing person's report on her if all else fails, but I would definitely try to track her down. This guy could take everything she has, drain her bank accounts and get assets transferred to his name, get life insurance on her and then once he gets everything he wants, could dispose of her without anyone to protect her. This is a very scary situation and I hope you can get help in finding her. Elderly financial exploitation is one of the most prevalent crimes these days.
This sounds like a matter for the police, though if you don't know where she is it may be hard to prosecute. It would seem that someone her age could be proven incompetent by these actions. I hate to sound like this is a mystery novel, but could a private detective do some online followup to track her? What worries me is that she may be in danger.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You could check with an elder attorney. He or she may have some suggestions. Good luck,
Carol
Is there a third party like a banker who can talk with him. You could contact someone at your bank and say that they want to "update" some things and go in together. This person could explain that a financial POA is important for all couples. Explain ahead what the problem is and may this person will have advice about how to proceed.
Otherwise, an attorney may be necessary so that you can take his name off of credit cards and limit his ability to spend. This attorney will likely need some information from your husband's doctor so it's not going to be easy no matter how you proceed.
Good luck with this anxiety producing dilemma. Please keep us posted.
Carol
Please keep us posted!
Carol
You could also web search "real estate transactions + her name"