I just put my father in assisted living10 days ago. I want to make this as easy for him as possible. He has pretty sever dementia and does not seem to realize his condition. He wants to come home of course but that is not negotiable. Can anyone share their experience of this with me?
You've got so much to live with. I hope you can detach from this agony somewhat and take care of yourself. Sacrificing your own health won't help anyone. Please keep us updated on how you are doing.
Carol
Just found out my brother was moved to a lockdown unit, only late 50's. He broke out of his cell twice. He has a rare brain disease and is going to go fast.....He is fighting, but he cannot talk, aphasia. Poor guy...
Terie Novak, author of amazon ebook "Bold Actions for Helping Older Parents."
It took her 87 years to get where she is now, so be prepared to be patient. :)
When she was repeatedly asking about going home, I would say, I wasn't sure, it wouldn't be too long. I even wrote it out and taped it to her wall so she could read it when she wanted, but she forgot it was there, so it didn't help. Eventually, I explained in a nice way, that the best thing to do when I visited was to talk about her progress, her health, her activities, etc and not discuss things we could not deal with yet. After 3 weeks, it changed. She looks better than I've seen her in years.
As some others mentioned, you may hear him say repeatedly "I want to go home." That is common and really has little to do with actually going to the home he just left. Some experts think home is more of a state of mind. Others think it's the home from childhood. Whatever "home" means to the person with dementia, going back to where he or she recently came from isn't the answer.
Take care of yourself. Your heart will break at times, but you can help best by being his anchor and reassuring him that he is loved for who he is. Please keep coming back to check in with our community and to let us know how you are doing.
Carol
and my sos and I went over calmed him down he also calked a week later but since then no talk of going home. He lives fairly close to me so I can see him fairly often. It is a new place so only about a third full which I think when it is at full occupancy he will like it better.
Good luck.
At the Memory care AL we took her to, I never heard her ask me to 'go home' But many of the other residents had this as their mantra upon move in. Eventually it becomes a nonissue. The (well trained) aides at this facility used diversion tactics. The bus is stuck in traffic, etc. They almost always worked. Just try to get Dad off the topic. (We'll talk about it later, etc). Visit often and when you are leaving it is to go to an appointment, beauty parlor, your doctor,volunteer assignment, etc. That way they don't feel abandoned.
You may be fortunate that your father is clinging to a place instead of a person. There are ways to get people to transfer their attachments to places; I think it's worse to be attached to people! For your dad, bring him anything that makes him feel at home -- a picture from the wall, a family scrapbook, whatever articles from home that he's familiar with (such as his alarm clock, a certain blanket, a knick-knack, even a bedside lamp from the house if it's permitted). When we travel, don't we miss those things? I'm sure he does, too.