How old does a teen need to be to "watch" Grandma occasionally?
My 86-year-old mother recently fell, damaged her rotor cuff and does not have good use of her left arm/hand during recovery. Mom has MCI but her primary problem is short-term memory. I purchased a lift assist recliner since she cannot sleep laying flat in a bed for several weeks. Because of her short-term memory problems, it took Mom a few days to get accustomed to the chair and use the control to raise and lower the recline. There are a couple of other chairs Mom has been using her arms to push out of where that is much harder only pushing with one arm. I have been providing an arm for her to "pull" her way up because she is so much more stable getting to her feet that way. I do not pull Mom up just provide a "mobile" grab bar.
I have a grand-nephew just a couple months short of 14 who is Mom's oldest great-grandchild and has always been fairly responsible - good "big brother" and "big cousin" with younger children. He lived with me a number of years during his father's divorce and remarriage and only recently moved back in next door with his father and stepmother (he lived with me and Grandma for over 2 years so he is familiar with her memory problems). One of the reasons I relocated next to his father's home after Mom came to live with me was so that he could occasionally help me when he grew older by staying in the house with his great-grandmother when the day comes I don't feel comfortable leaving her alone while I run to the store or he could pick up the groceries when he has a drivers license. I have no intention of ever asking him to provide hands-on caregiving for my mother, although he started bringing her the newspaper every morning before school and will occasionally help her with her shoes or find her glasses on his own initiative.
Although my Mom normally stays by herself when I work in the office or go shopping or out for a movie, I did not feel comfortable leaving her alone immediately following her fall when she was still adjusting to doing things without using her left arm and seemed to be just a bit off her normal good balance. So I asked my grand-nephew to stay with Mom and help be that mobile grab bar while I went to the grocery store. I should also probably add that my grand-nephew is 4 inches taller than I and 155 lbs of solid muscle so he's as physically capable (or maybe more so) than I am.
My question is this - is he old enough at nearly 14 to keep an eye on and help Grandma for 60-90 minutes with his father and stepmother in the house next door? Am I expecting too much of him at too young an age? He has never lost patience with Mom even when she asks him the same question 2-3 times in an hour. He was in the house when Mom fell (as I was) and helped me get her up into a chair using a sheet wrapped around her waist and support under the uninjured arm - very concerned and helpful at the time and didn't seem to be upset afterwards. He was already at my house to watch a movie when I asked him to stay with my Mom until I got back. I told him if Grandma fell again while I was out of the house to not move her and call his father or stepmother.
I want him to learn that family members help each other in many small ways - Grandma sewing up a rip in his favorite school jacket, his carrying in groceries, my driving him to football practice or helping him with a school project. But I don't want to cross the line and make him feel responsible for Grandma's care or put him in a situation he's not emotionally capable of handling.
64 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Dropping friends? Is anyone else experiencing this?
- My fiancee's aging parents constantly fight, she is caught in the middle, and it is ruining our relationship!
- Do you have to be an elder to qualify for assistance, and can my daughter get paid for being my caregiver?
- Why does my mother faint just after I visit her in the care home?
I remember those time with my GG'Ma. Some of the best stories I have ever heard. She told of her G'Ma walking behind the wagon from Tenn. thru Kentucky. Of injuries and home treatments. Tragic deaths. Looking at the old black and white pictures of relatives and how they dressed.
talks like that could help keep G'Ma out of trouble and relaxed. And with assistance right next door, both should safe and build memories.
You might even consider getting him a voice recorder to document those times.
I wish I had done that.
Just my take on the flip side of the coin.
It’s not just about the culture you want him to grow up in, but also what his parents, great-grandma, you, and he are comfortable with. Which is as simple as a family sit down meeting to find out what every one thinks.
Personally, my family on both sides has gone to great lengths and sacrifices to maintain ties with family, teaching the younger generation to respect and appreciate our ancestors both living and not. Children need to learn there are others outside of themselves who have needs and require help. It teaches them more than responsibility and compassion. It gives them a sense of self-worth, their place in the world, their connection to something greater than just their short years on this earth, and the reality that our own lives are short and we all grow old. All of these increase his perspective making him a mature and more well rounded person.
I don’t think you can go wrong by having him involved, but how many hours a day and how many days a week is more of a family discussion matter. There’s a balance there and no wrong answer.
I recommend you pay him some money, not just food, for his time so he doesn't feel taken advantage of. You would have to pay if you asked a neighbor or hired a caregiver to watch your mother while you went out. So you should pay your grand nephew for doing the same job.
See All Answers