My mother has always considered my dog Sophie as much hers as she is mine. She absolutely loves her and Sophie goes with me on every visit whether it was my mother's home or the nursing home. Sophie passed away last week and I do not know how to break this to my mother. What is your advice?
I have a picture of my dogs, her dog and our friends dogs all lined up in a row, sleeping on my living room floor. I gave that to our vet as they took care of all these animals... 7 dogs on a lazy afternoon enjoying the day. It was so cute. From a lil terrier mix, Dalmatian, and then good ole big loving labradors. All in a row, napping in that photo.. Now they are all in Heaven, hopefully lazing around like they were after a good day of happy romping around in heavens backyard. :)
A stuffed dog, especially if you can find one that resembles Sophie somewhat, would probably be a good idea! You could tell her Sophie picked it out for her, for those times she can't make the trip!
Our mother has never really been a pet "person." She tolerated us having a dog, often told me when I have lost a cat to not get anymore, etc. Funny that at some point she found a picture of a little white dog and tore it out of the magazine, saying she was going to ask my YB to get her one! The poor thing would either starve to death and/or do all its business in her MC room, as she can't even remember to water her plants! I got the ones she had looking so good, and she has now killed 3 geraniums - poinsettia is hanging on...
She is also now fixated on her parents (mostly mother) and often asks how they are, what are they doing on X holiday, do I see them often... There is NO way I am going to subject her to being told she/they is/are long dead every time the subject comes up. She will NOT remember and will have to go through anger and grief over and over. Bad enough they have this condition, why make them upset?
I think the hardest part for you is if/when mom brings up Sophie - you will have a hard time not getting emotional! At least I would have trouble with that! If you do get emotional, just tell her that Sophie wasn't doing well and it upset you, but she's "better" now... Why upset your mother every time as well?
Sorry for Sophie's passing... It always will hurt, but it will get better with time. Just remember all the good times! I have been trying to prepare myself for a long time now regarding my now 20.5 yo kitty, but it will still be hard - she's been with me since May 1999.... multiple issues, but still going... equivalent age makes her older than mom (who is 96) now!! And I believe she (kitty) also has dementia...
The other option is to gently tell her what has happened so that you both have each other to lean on and share this difficult time with. The picture idea would be perfect in this case and if it would be helpful for either of you maybe even a small memorial of sorts together or celebration of Sophie's life.
Keep in mind what you need here too, having mom to talk to and share this grieving with might be beneficial to you or it might be easier for you to grieve alone and not have to share with mom...then again maybe being able to shift the focus on getting mom through this blow is what YOU need, don't loose sight of your needs here I'm sure mom would agree with me on this.
My mother has dementia and for a few visits she talked about her two pugs as if they were still alive (they've been dead for 40 years). She asked me how they were, if I were taking good care of them and if I could bring them to visit. I was always positive "they're fine" and "I'll see about bringing them...they don't like to ride in the car." Eventually she quit talking about them...and I don't bring them up. I have no idea how saying, "Mom, the pugs have been gone since I was in junior high school" would affect her, so I just went along. I thought about bringing in a picture of them, but again, I don't know if it would give her comfort or agitate her.
Please tell her, and tell her how much Sophie always loved her. Cry with her. Take her a framed picture or a small picture book of Sophie, or sit and make one with her, a scrapbook she can keep of better times.
Hugs to you. Those of us who love our pets know what this is for you and for Mom. Huge hugs coming your way. Remember, tears wash the despair and pain out. They cleanse like the rain. Allow them to help you heal.
Unless you're confident that your mother can cope with this loss - bearing in mind that at the moment you can't possibly be in any fit state to support her, can you? - I should delay the news by saying that Sophie is at the vet/dog hairdresser/resting at home with a sore paw.
I'm sorry to ask this so soon, but will you be thinking of getting another dog? I'm sure that you don't WANT another dog, you want Sophie; and I wouldn't even ask, except that another dog will be the best way of distracting your mother's attention.
But listen - don't worry. If the fact is that you can't help bursting into tears when your mother asks after Sophie, and you do end up telling her, that's okay too. Your mother's also entitled to be sad.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs from one bereaved (not recently) dog owner to another.