How to deal with elderly parents who are constantly fighting?
My parents have been married for 52 years. They always had arguments when we were younger but it wasn't an issue. In later years, the fights have become more mentally abusive and they have separated several times but get back together. I believe that my mother is suffering from mental instability but refuses to see a Dr or take medications. Several yrs ago, my sisters and I have had major fallouts with my mother and have gone for several yrs without contact. My father is still able to get around and drive but rarely communicates with us so that he doesn't upset my mother. He does volunteer occasionally and is more social than her. He also does all of the shopping and errands. She rarely leaves the house and doesn't really have any friends. She paints, draws, and listens to music. She is very opinionated and has little tolerance for people who disagree with her beliefs. She also operates on her own time schedule and wants to be the center of attention. As a result, she has been thrown out of her dr's office and dentists office for getting into altercations with staff and patients. She has a history of causing scenes to get attention and using that to manipulate all of us. Several days ago, out of the blue, she called me crying, and saying that my father was mentally abusing her, screaming at her, and doesn't care about her. Today, He called asking if there was room at our house for him, saying she is the aggressor and he can't take it anymore. Neither my younger sister nor I want to get drawn back into their drama. Our youngest sister lives an hour away and is too involved in her own life to be helpful. I feel guilty for not wanting to get involved but this is also affecting my family and marriage. I'm torn over what to do. My mother keeps reminding me that I'm the oldest and that I need to do something. My first thought is to tell them to work it out on their own, but then I worry about something bad happening. I really don't have the time or energy to be a referee/marriage counselor. How can I help them without causing problems in my own family or burdening my sisters?
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