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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I acknowledge and authorize
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
They seem to not think they need help but want us to do it so they do not have to pay. I had that problem with my MIL. She did not want to pay if she sees the bill she freaks out. The problem with dementia is they need care but sometimes they think they can do anything. The other times they need help doing everything.
Astemecula, can you give us more information on your mother's situation? I assume she's at home but doesn't want to pay for private duty care? What are her needs? Housekeeping chores vs. ADL issues?
Does she live alone? Does she need assistive retrofitting? More information will help guide responses.
astemecula, I see from your profile that your Mom lives at home with you, and she has general age decline.
Are you doing the hands-on caregiving or are you able to continue working outside of the house so that you can fund your own retirement?
I couldn't get my parents to blow the dust off their wallets to pay for whatever issue came up. They still lived in their house which had a lot of stairs, and being in their 90's both were fall risk. They were just so use to doing things for themselves and Dad could fix anything around the house, except Mom would only let Dad wash the car, not do any repairs on the car.
There are times we need to not enable our parent(s), thus give them back the independence of making decision while they still can. My parents decision was the stall big time until I was available to help them.
I found on-line grocery service which was available in my area. What a relief not having to make two trips to the grocery store, one for my parent(s), and one for myself. I hated shopping !! My Mom wasn't all that trilled with the on-line service but I stood my ground, even though guilt was thrown that way.
Someone here on the forum told me a few years ago to start practicing saying "sorry, I can't possibly do that". It's funny, whenever I visited and had to leave soon, I found saying "I have laundry in the dryer" it was acceptable to my Mom :))
It also sounds like she shouldn’t be handling her finances. If you can take that away from her you can tell her you are paying for the caregivers so she doesn’t have to worry about spending her money (even tho she really is)! Good luck.
I took out a separate bank acc't in mom's bank & transferred money from our joint to my sole one then wrote cheques from that one - then I could look mom in the eye & truthfully say I paid for 'it' from MY back acc't -
Remember it is your time that you spend on her NOT YOUR MONEY - hire the help you need & even get a cleaning lady 1 or 2 times a month & that could be 50/50 with her as she lives there too -
Does she pay room & board? - if not then she should & figure in the help needed into the amount she pays
My mother plans to save our inheritance, which will be split four ways amongst me and my brothers. She fully expects me to do more than any of my brothers in working to keep the inheritance intact. She gave me her car, which she thinks benefits me more than her. I was forced to become her taxi driver, and she did not take it well at first when I set some very strong boundaries.
She should hire a housecleaner and someone to monitor her showers and help her get dressed. She refuses to do so. I refuse to be the free help.
She should sell her condo and use the money for Assisted Living. If she ever gets to the point of needing a SNF, she has excellent LTC insurance (unfortunately won't cover AL). Her LTC insurance would cover in-home help, but she showtimes and grandstands so much, she won't admit that she needs the help.
I'm just the Dummy Daughter Driver. I'm not even allowed into the doctor visits with her. I detach as much as I can. She is housebound, isolated and has no idea how she is accelerating her decline because of her stubbornness. I've given up in attempting to make any sort of changes for her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Does she live alone? Does she need assistive retrofitting? More information will help guide responses.
Are you doing the hands-on caregiving or are you able to continue working outside of the house so that you can fund your own retirement?
I couldn't get my parents to blow the dust off their wallets to pay for whatever issue came up. They still lived in their house which had a lot of stairs, and being in their 90's both were fall risk. They were just so use to doing things for themselves and Dad could fix anything around the house, except Mom would only let Dad wash the car, not do any repairs on the car.
There are times we need to not enable our parent(s), thus give them back the independence of making decision while they still can. My parents decision was the stall big time until I was available to help them.
I found on-line grocery service which was available in my area. What a relief not having to make two trips to the grocery store, one for my parent(s), and one for myself. I hated shopping !! My Mom wasn't all that trilled with the on-line service but I stood my ground, even though guilt was thrown that way.
Someone here on the forum told me a few years ago to start practicing saying "sorry, I can't possibly do that". It's funny, whenever I visited and had to leave soon, I found saying "I have laundry in the dryer" it was acceptable to my Mom :))
Remember it is your time that you spend on her NOT YOUR MONEY - hire the help you need & even get a cleaning lady 1 or 2 times a month & that could be 50/50 with her as she lives there too -
Does she pay room & board? - if not then she should & figure in the help needed into the amount she pays
She should hire a housecleaner and someone to monitor her showers and help her get dressed. She refuses to do so. I refuse to be the free help.
She should sell her condo and use the money for Assisted Living. If she ever gets to the point of needing a SNF, she has excellent LTC insurance (unfortunately won't cover AL). Her LTC insurance would cover in-home help, but she showtimes and grandstands so much, she won't admit that she needs the help.
I'm just the Dummy Daughter Driver. I'm not even allowed into the doctor visits with her. I detach as much as I can. She is housebound, isolated and has no idea how she is accelerating her decline because of her stubbornness. I've given up in attempting to make any sort of changes for her.