My 90-year-old father with significant cognitive decline said he wanted to talk to his mother. Do you have advice on how to answer his question? I did not handle the situation well. I replied, "Well dad, grandma lived on ... Ave." I smiled, changed the subject and proceeded to leave the room so he didn't see me cry. I appreciate any advice. Thanks!
"Dad, grandma went to the store and she can't be reached, we will try later."
"We can call after lunch, would you like a sandwich?"
"Grandma has a doctor's appointment today so we will call her tomorrow. Let's have some tea (or whatever he likes as a snack)."
When you are redirecting someone acknowledge what they want then offer the redirection.
You can also talk about his mom, your grandma. Ask him about her. You might learn things you did not know. It sounds like you are hurting either from the loss of your grandma or just the fact that your dad thinks she is still alive. In either case talking about her might help you get more comfortable.
Retelling a loved one that their loved one died years ago, does no one any good ever, and only keeps them upset.
As my father’s passing was really horrific, I also often up in the car yelling or crying or both after those conversations. But incorporating his habits into explaining he’s away for the moment does seem to work.
Wishing you the best!
It is so sad, this loss of reality. Just try to understand that at some point, when the fears of EARLY dementia are over, and the person has passed into another realm completely, the things you see are sometimes more painful for YOU than for the one you love.
How kind you are to want to be such a comfort. I wish you the very best.