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My grandpa is 94 years old and he has a super high sexual drive.This is very problematic because 1) my grandma died 19 years ago 2) My grandpa refuses to marry another woman but keep harassing (both orally and physically) caregivers we hired. Sex is almost the only thing he can think of everyday besides other basic needs. My dad is managing his money and gives him a small portion for daily expenses but he spends all the money right away on women.
He has most of the bad behaviors one might see in the elderly such as bad hygiene, abuse, etc., but his brain is clear most of time since he can read newspapers, watch TV, communicate with people normally.
His harassment to the in-house caregivers has driven away at least 20 of them and it becomes really hard to find substitutes. It's impossible to let him live alone because of his old age and serious heart conditions as well as stroke risks.
Me and my parents are desperate, any one has any idea of how to cope with it?

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Bamboo, you've been through at least 20 caregivers. One of them was male. So you decide to hire 19 women and not try another male?? Put your order in right this second. Lay out the parameters on exactly what is expected and don't stop looking 'til you've found a guy.

In the meantime, explain to dad that if THIS caregiver quits, he's getting a guy named Leroy who weighs 300 pounds.
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Simple regarding the hired caregivers, hire male caregivers.
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Then the problem is your dad. There are boundaries. It's up to mature adults to set them. Your family is allowing a 94-year-old man who most likely has dementia to control you all. What kind of sense does that make? Time for some tough love.
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There has to be more than one male caregiver out there. Keep looking.
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56 is not old and sounds like Grandpa has been in charge of this family for a long time. I would suggest your Dad talk to Grandpa's doctor and ask him for assistance. The sex drive issue is probably related to his dementia and there are medications for both. I totally agree about boundaries needing to be set.

Grandpa is 94 and no one will be to blame when his life is over. To me, allowing this to continue is more unhealthy than someone deciding to be the adult and make those tough decisions to see that Grandpa is properly cared for and caregivers are safe. Good luck!
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Grandpa's doctor needs to know about this. Sometimes medications can help this. He may or may not be demented but he is at least disinhibited. It is not just a "bad habit" that you can talk to him about. Does he have an insight at all into why caregivers have left? He may not, because, as often has to be pointed out to people not familiar with all types of dementia, reading the paper, watching TV, recognizing familiar people and conversing superfically just DOESN'T DOESN'T DOESN'T guarantee someone still has all their marbles.
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Sounds like the whole family needs to learn how to communicate. You do realize at some point you may be taking care of your parents. Now is the time to start having those serious conversations about what they want their future to be like.
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There ARE male caregivers out there who are OK,, we had one for Dad until MOm got out of rehab. Not a perfect caregiver, but he got the job done! Try an agency... They may even have a lady who can handle this with no problem. I am in healthcare, and I deal with randy old guys all the time.. you just have to be upfront about what they will be exposed to... LOL. Good luck with this! And I liked the 300 lb guy idea!!!
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"He has ... knocked at their doors at ridiculous hours (midnight or early morning) and yell at them all the time until he finally succeed. Same thing on the only male caregiver we hired."

Obviously he doesn't want a caregiver. He wants to continue to manipulate his family. Your father must be exhausted from dealing with this controlling tactic, but I agree that he's going to have to deal with with his father, although he's between a rock and a hard place as GF is creating a situation whereby your father is the only one who will tolerate him.

If he stops intervening but continues to care for him, he's just playing to Gf's game plan. And I'm sure GF would create an incident so that he could then blame your father for "abandoning" him.

I think I would try to find a sex therapist or even psychiatrist to determine if he really has a problem or if he's just using this tactic to harrass the female caregivers. He must get a tremendous amount of control from manipulating them and making them so uncomfortable (and/or disgusted) that they quit.

If he doesn't and it's just controlling behavior, your father cant tell him that he needs to behave civilly or, regardless of his desires, he'll end up in a facility. But honestly, I think this manipulative game is so ingrained that I don't think your father has much of a chance for reasoning with him, and I really don't know what the solution is but I do feel sorry for what you and your family are going through.
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Thanks for your support, GardenArtist.
My manipulating yet long living grandpa is really a burden to my family. My dad's unconditional love for him and stubborness makes this worse. My dad leaves my mom alone at home and insists that he should live with grandpa (the 2 houses are 20 miles away) when he's in town. My mom comes over once a week. Basically there's no life of their own. They constantly fight over this annoying issue.
I'm the only child of my parents and I'm far away from them. My dad never told me anything about my grandpa's condition because he thinks it's embarrassing. My mom keeps complaining to me but I have to pretend not knowing in front of my dad because she is strongly against the idea of me talking to my dad about this issue (They'll fight for sure if I tell.)
I think I can only help if I find a drug or something to suppress my grandpa's sex drive.
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