Mom has anxiety, agitation, urgency and now dementia. She has been making poor decisions, and has always been obsessive, compulsive, and even discontent. She is a good person, but difficult. Now with dementia she is about to sell her second home and buy a third. She always wears us down. She caused my dad to sell the home he loved. He is gone now, but yesterday she nearly had us convinced to give her car keys back. We didn't, but what is wrong with us? We are hostages to her illness. In her anger she can argue and articulate well, and cry. So how would you define first her behavior? And then ours? I am looking for some precise words or descriptions, medical or common, to help me process these thoughts and questions. We are legally close to having help and a solution to this problem. If we don't get help, we will continue to live this life of battling and managing her behavior. We cannot.
You've managed to end the driving. Don't even think of giving the keys back. You can get docs and experts to diagnose you and your mom, come up with clinical names, but what really matters is that you stand up to her emotional tricks. Have you considered counseling?
What is wrong with us? Nothing that a little tough love won't cure.
PS: just re read your post while proofing.
Legally close to having help and a solution? Can you elaborate?
"And then ours?" Manipulated.
A good geriatric psych will try different drugs with your mother until you find one or a combination that makes her comfortable and content as possible. I hope you can find the right mix, if only for your own sanity.
In my mom's journey through Mild Cognitive Impairment and then Vascular Dementia, we found the geripsych to be the folks who understood the whole person best.
Medication of my mom's depression and anxiety helped enormously.
When someone tries to convince you to do something that you know is harmful and you have trouble saying no to, it's often a matter of lack of good psychological boundaries.
Folks with narcissism, folks with Borderline Personality Disorder are examples of folks who will try to wear you down into doing what THEY want, even if you know it's not in your or their best interest.
You may need some help in developing those boundaries and the ability to say
" no" firmly.
Mom may tantrum, or cry. Just let her. If she has dementia, she probably won't "learn" from this. But you do need to keep her safe.
She keeps asking the OP why she can't live alone, but calls OP 20 times a day, saying there are intruders, emergencies. Pretty sad situation and very wearing.
Or did they confirm that she had dementia?
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