Paying bills, managing paperwork. My daughter has a very demanding job plus her own family to care for, but she lives only 20 minutes away. I am 63 yrs old, but have to have hip replacement surgery and the pre certification is daunting. How do I get my daughter to help me more. Sometimes I feel as if I've been "dumped" here.
You're 63, which is pretty young for senior living, but anyway there you are in a community which is purpose-built to support independent living. Hip replacement surgery is a big deal, and I'm sorry that you have any need for it because it must involve pain; but that doesn't, for me, explain why you need help with basic personal admin, let alone why you feel so hurt that your daughter won't make the time for it.
Long medical forms and insurance forms and consent forms can be a total bummer, I know and I agree; but surely the complex managers know of someone who can guide you through them? Or your neighbours can give you a word-of-mouth recommendation, or maybe they've been through it and can help you themselves?
And then there's the feeling "dumped" issue. How did you come to move into your complex at such an early age?
But, surely, isn't the good news that you are living in a community that gives you access to the sort of services that will help you be independent? Do you have a named support worker, or anybody like that?
No no one can be forced to help out. That causes feelings of guilt and resentment on both sides. I have two busy children. One lives a half-hour away and the other lives an hour away. I am sole caregiver for my bed bound husband and I never ask for help. This weekend, I am bringing my grandsons over to help clean my garage but not asking my children. I have found that my being independent and solving my own issues is the best way to handle family harmony.
There are many many tools online for figuring out a budget. There are printable forms and advice and instructions on how to do it. Just google setting up a budget. It will take you through paying bills, recording the payments, setting up and monitoring online payments, etc. it’s just a matter of being vigilant about money management.
Good luck with your surgery.
If you HAVE been “dumped” there, you need to find out why and how. How much initiative did you assume for yourself when the move was made?
Being proactive about your own care is really important to remaining strong and independent.
Have you sought out senior services in your area?? You may be surprised to find how much help will be available to you. If instead you choose to assume a passive, “poor me” attitude you may wind up deflecting the very help that you deserve.
No one in h/h right mind will claim that a hip replacement is fun, but if you look around you, you will find that many of your age mates have had the surgery and come through with flying colors. The alternative to the surgery is no fun either, as you must already know.
Being medicated for bi-polar? Beats the alternative on that one too. Are you doing talk therapy WITH your medication? The CBT/ medication combo can be pretty powerful.
Finally, at your relatively young age, are you doing something to make life easier/more pleasant/more fun for someone else EVERY DAY? Another great way to make yourself feel stronger. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
As to the hip replacement, if you are by yourself at home you would likely be referred to a rehab facility or rehab unit in the hospital diring convalescence, where you can get PT, etc.