Dad (99) has been taking care of Mom (97), and still thinks he can carry on. Mom is incontinent with dementia. He has been talking more, and getting forgetful. Forgets to take his medication, and give Mom hers. I live at a distance, and try to get down to help when I can. The Medicare nurse that comes in 3 times a week recommended a home health agency, and a consultant will be coming in tomorrow to talk about getting help. I am Medical POA, but was told Dad is of sound mind so I can't go over his head. Dad has fired caretakers, because he believes he is doing great, and blames Mom for getting rid of caretakers due to her yelling at them, but it's him. He is in denial of his frankness, and thinks asking for help is a sign of weakness for this WW2 vet. Anyway, the nurse recommended that if we hire a caretaker, we get cameras installed. Now, I am concerned because Mom and Dad are so vulnerable, and I am sick thinking someone could abuse them. Do background checks show enough about the caretaker? I have sent out pleas to friends in the neighborhood about anyone they know who does caretaking to no avail. Any suggestions on good caretaking agencies?
I would try to make sure you get the same person all the time. Some agencies will send out whoever is available. So your parents might get a different person everytime. I think it's best if they have the same caregiver so they can build a relationship.
Caregiver agencies. There are none that can guarantee their workers integrity no matter what they say. The 20/80 rule is here too. Only 20% are good enough, I’d say 5% are actually what you expect, 80% are not worth your time. I never hired anybody that I didn’t have an opportunity to meet and work with first. The agency I worked with was willing to pay for one hour for training at my house, and I added paying one hour of training too. That was so I could determine whether or not I wanted to hire them at all. In any case ———-
Nanny cams are a must. Remove all valuables from the house is a must. And tell them you have nanny cams. That will help weed out a bunch of undesirables right off the bat. Even still, I’ve had caregivers who interviewed well, then watched the cams & they actually turn the nanny cams away so that I couldn’t see them! Fired! I always used them in the beginning and I would let them know if I saw something I didn’t like. That way they knew I actually used the nanny cams. Later, i only spot checked or when I felt suspicious of something. They were very valuable, Cannot say enough good about nanny cams. Put one in every room that your family occupies on a regular basis and one in the kitchen. They do eat your food and may do things you don’t like that you will want to know. Leave them out in the open. Have them keep daily logs with name/time and read them. Be on site as much as possible. Randomly show up.
I prefer private caregivers, an agency as a backup. Less expensive. Hire someone who is hungry to work. They will be more reliable. I used craigslist. Gave the basics, vague about my location, no phone number at this point - you have too many to weed out, that I had nanny cams, that I had high standards, and my deal breakers for Immediate dismissal. good people want a good employer and trustworthy coworkers too. I would give a starting pay and mentioned there were fast increases for the right person. I asked for resumes at the interview, ahead of time was better,and i would not contact anyone who could not form a decent reply back to me. first I email, then call, then an initial face to face away from the home at a nearby fast food restaurant. I wrote notes during the interview. Paid $10 an hour for the 1st four hours. considered orientation training, a get to know you and me time. $13 an hour for two weeks $14 an hour for one month $15 an hour after that. Rates may have changed at this point but that’s not too bad to begin with. I did the training. Agencies would pay one hour and I would pay one hour for two hours of training with any of their staff. I also offered holiday pay for the five major holidays during the year. Including Thanksgiving eve and Christmas Eve. If you don’t you will never have any time off for them. You really have to treat it like a business. I bought them gifts for their birthdays, their anniversaries, snacks on Fridays, I spent a half hour at every shift change talking to them about their personal lives. As unreliable as some caregivers can be, they are also one of the least appreciated and don’t have much fun in their jobs. I remember jobs where we always had office parties and had special occasions to get together, etc. Caregivers don’t. They work their butts off and have to be polite to their clients and employers can forget that there are people too and they want to feel like they are a valuable employee. This is not a job because it’s all about the money. Anyway that’s my two cents and the longest post I’ve ever made on this website. And ALWAYS ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT!
The HHA consultant should, if she's worth her salt, be able to answer even searching questions and set your mind at rest. Would it be possible for you to take part in the consultation through a telephone conference call or anything like that?
The reason I ask about the friends is that there isn't really any substitute for boots on the ground; and if possible it would be good to have someone keeping a close eye on this important new relationship just until it's bedded in. It would be quite a lot to ask, and the friend would need to have plenty of common sense and of course be welcome in the home, but you never know.
Your poor poppa. The thing is, it's not so much a sign of weakness as being forced to accept that change is on its way; which unfortunately, inevitably, it must be sooner or later. Keep stressing to him that the help and support are his best way of continuing care for your mother at home.
You must sometimes wonder what happens if God forbid anything happens to him, too.
Have you had a chance to look around at what alternative options there are in your parents' area?
Good luck....but as countrymouse said, they are not a substitute for boots on the ground family and friends.
https://health.mo.gov/safety/fcsr/backgrounds.php
If Mom and Dad don't Mind paying out of Pocket for Help, It might be worth the Ride at this Point. However, With a caregiver from an Agency, Mom and Dad will Be daily Monitored and any of their own Reports about their Physical and Mentality will be Reported as they see fit.
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