Jonathan and I have been together for two years. We have lived alone together and every single day he would go visit his 88 year old grandmother who lives down the street. He would get off work, cook dinner and head over there to feed her and clean up for her. After some time I could see how stressed he was getting, by cooking two dinners and cleaning two houses. I am a manager and work more hours, so he normally takes care of things around the house. I try to help as much as possible however it has gotten to the point where he and I both felt it was best to move her in. So we have moved her in and we are about a week into having her with us. Unfortunately him and I have no idea how to help or care for her. She has completed lost all memory, she asks him every few mins how they are related, and she asks me every few mins what my name is. She will continue to repeat herself all day, she just says the same things over and over. She can’t dress herself, or shower herself or take care of herself in anyway. I want to be able to help her take a shower but I am afraid she will be uncomfortable or not want me to help her, as she is still getting comfortable with me. She also does not know where the bathroom, or her bedroom is, even though they are right next to each other in the hall way and she’s been here for a week. At night she gets a little frustrated, specifically when we try to help her get in bed, turn her light off or the tv off for her, she gets frustrated because she wants to do it herself but she can’t. We are going to call some doctors on Monday and try to make her an appt so that maybe they can help us or direct us on how to properly care for her. For the most part she is in good spirits and is very kind, she likes when I sit with her on the couch and talk with her. All she really does all day is sit on the couch, and she only wants to watch wheel of fortune or Jeopardy. Please help with some advice on how to help and or care for her? Also advice on how my fiancé and I can get through this without feeling as if we are burdening our relationship. I try to encourage him that this is a hardship we can get through, but even some times can get frustrated. For example, she doesn’t shut her door at night, which is frustrating because I am up late at night and don’t like tip toeing around my own home, or not being able to cook at night if I work late. So this is a hard process for the both of us. Thank you for the help and advice in advance!
You say you work long hours as a manager and your fiancé works outside of the house as well, which means grandma is there all by herself for far too long.
That is dangerous and very irresponsible of the 2 of you to leave a demented woman who could easily injure herself or wander off.
You have definitely bitten off WAY more than you both can chew, and it's now time to be looking into moving grandma into a memory care facility where she will receive the 24/7 care she requires.
They can help you apply for Medicaid for her if needed to help pay for it.
I wish you well in getting grandma placed sooner than later, and I do hope and pray that nothing serious happens to her in the meantime being all alone in your house while you both are at work.
Has she already been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or Dementia? I see you chose that above .
Start looking at facilities with Memory Care and start the ball rolling to place grandma . This will only get more difficult to deal with at home . Grandma can not be left home alone . Who has POA ?
And keep keep us up-to-date with how things are going, and if you have any questions on anything, just write a question.
And don't feel bad if you and your fiance find you just cannot be caregivers. I know I wasn't cut out to be, thankfully my Dad (who was in his 90's) was happy to move to move into Memory Care. There comes a time where it takes a village to help our love ones. Oh, whatever you do, do NOT quit work, you are both too young to do that.
Is your fiancee's Mom working a paid gig for that other elderly woman? Why isn't she taking care of this step-grandma and getting paid to do it from Grandma's income?
Grandma is only going to get progressively worse and require more care that she does now. Her PoA needs to come up with a solution. Talking to her doctor will only confirm that she has short-term memory impairment and probably a middle stage of dementia.
When she lived "down the street" was she in her own home, or an apartment? If she was in a house she owns then the PoA needs to sell it and take the funds to transition her into a good facility that accepts Medicaid.
If she doesn't own a home or any other assets, I'd tell her PoA to talk to a Medicaid Planner for her home state to see what's possible for her future care. Medicaid only covers LTC which means a person is literally bedbound and cannot do anything for themselves. A doctor decides if someone needs this level of care. Then she will need to qualify financially. This is where talking to a Planner comes in.