Hello, I am looking for answers/help. My father in law has come to stay with us and he doesn’t do anything. The man wears pull ups because he refuses to go to the bathroom. That being said he sits and sleeps in the same pull up for days. He will not get up to go or to change. He does nothing. The agonizing thought of having to walk by him is stomach turning. He is lazy and he doesn’t care. He gets a check on the 3rd. When that comes he wants cartons of cigarettes, Jack Daniels and pot. I can’t believe how bad he is. We had to go and get him from his mom who has been with him but is not able to care for him anymore. When we got there the smell was outside and worse inside. His bedroom was filled with dirty poopy depends and urine filled ones. The mom was going to get evicted so we had to clean. 600+ dirty depends covered his room with only a path to walk from the bed to the door. The bathroom and walls were covered in human feces and urine. Now here with us he won’t even walk. He acts like he doesn’t care and when he does use the depend he gets up and goes to bed so no one will say anything to him about the smell. I think he needs to go into a skilled nursing facility for at least to get under a doctor’s care and get the necessary help he needs. Please all replies welcome
Your profile states that he has mobility problems. What are they?
What information did your husband have before he decided that bringing his Dad to live with you was the best idea?
My guess, only a guess because you don't say so, is that you have an alcoholic on your hands and that he is at a very low point. He needs a lot of skilled, specialist help. Your husband needs to take control of this now, today, and it starts with gathering information about what has happened so far (doctors, other services involved) and creating a new plan for treatment and management.
Don't blame your FIL for what he is like. Not because he isn't to blame, he may be; but because it is pointless, it will make you angry and resentful but it won't change anything. Deal with him as if he were a plumbing problem you need to get sorted out.
Only when I say you, I actually mean your husband. I have to wonder what he was thinking when he cheerfully took this project on.
and
"I have to wonder what he was thinking when he cheerfully took this project on."
Exactly! Did your H expect that FIL would become different when taken into your home?
Is he at home by himself during the day? Who takes care of him, since he doesn't do anything for himself? Who cleans after him? (I hope it isn't you!)
What does your H think of this situation?
Your FIL needs way more help than you can provide, and you are right when you say that he needs to go into a facility, because he does. Now he may have to go into a detox facility before any care facility will take him, but I would certainly get the ball rolling on that.
And if he doesn't have the money, you will have to apply for Medicaid for him. Please get him out ASAP, as you are living in a very hazardous environment, which can affect yours and your families health.
Who gets his cigs, whiskey and pot? I hope not you or DH. Thats enabling him. Better to let him go thru withdrawal, call for an ambulance and let the hospital take care of things. When the SW calls to get u involved say NO ur not taking him back into your home and why. Tell them he needs help u cannot give or afford. That the State will need to take over his care. Things will get done faster if the State is involved.