Dad passed 5 years ago. Mom has been a bit lonely but spent a good bit of time with friends and being very social. She has multiple health issues but generally in her right mind. I am her POA and health advocate. She has met a man and within 5 months let him move in. He has never showed her any affection or said that they were anything more than friends - but she has a crush so twists any kindness into it being his affection for her. He's had prior domestic disputes with ex-wives and had cops called when he had a run-in with a young woman in the neighborhood. She believes all his excuses for cops being called. He has now made it so she's not even really talking to her own children who are trying to look out for her. I know he has broken insurance fraud laws and is not a good person. He seems to be controlling her every thought. Can I get something legal in place to make it so if he calls or comes around her I can have the cops arrest him? I fear he is now using prescription meds to keep her doped up. She doesn't seem to think straight at all. At one point she was clear and all set to leave him and have the locks changed but then she went back and now isn't saying that anymore. he answers her phone. makes excuses why she can't come to the phone. We are desperate to get something done. maybe even arrested for his insurance fraud??
Get your facts lined up, dates and evidence not just allegations. Mention "coercive control." Mention abuse of medications. Try your best to keep your own emotions out of it, this is a protection issue and APS need facts to work with - especially if your mother is unable to co-operate. And on that last point, stress that you believe she is UNABLE to co-operate, not unwilling.
Where did she encounter this man? Where are you getting your information? Have you already involved the police?
I wouldn't be real happy if that had happened to either of my elderly parents.
If you find that Mom is getting late on paying her bills, jump in to help, and slowly start taking over the finances. Have Mom's bills and bank statements sent to your house so Mom doesn't need to see the bills, thus won't be thinking about her money.
Freeze Mom's credit on the 3 well known credit websites. I did that with my parents and it was pretty easy, and there might be a nominal fee for this freeze. I did have to answer some financial questions about my parents but I knew enough to be allowed into the website... I pretended to be my parents.
That freeze was a relief. I knew my folks weren't going to purchase a new house or buy a new car, but you never know what they might do next. That might slow down your own Mom on trying to purchase a new house, as only you have the "code" to unfreeze her credit accounts.
You're focusing on the wrong person. The person to assess is your mother, not this dodgy bloke.
Your mother is at risk because on scant acquaintance she has allowed a controlling man to move into her house. The man is now isolating her from her family. There are also concerns about his treatment of her to the extent that you are anxious about her physical safety as well as her emotional and social wellbeing.
You see, it's not this particular man's track record or predilections we're concerned about - nuts to him, let him vanish wherever. It's your mother's vulnerability in general, and the specific risks that are emerging now. Your next step is to call APS and get advice.
And don't say: "she's generally in her right mind." She has been previously, but not now she isn't. She made what averagely sensible people would consider to be a rash move and allowed this man into her house; and since then, as you say, she doesn't seem to think straight at all and in particular has trouble recollecting facts and events, organising her thoughts and making clear decisions.
What are the multiple health issues, by the way, if it's not too personal a question?
For example, what makes you think prescription drugs are being misused?
Dates and times of when family members were not allowed to talk to Mother on the phone would be good.
Focus on the things you suspect he has done to a vulnerable adult, your mom. The insurance fraud, a dispute with a young girl, his conflict with previous wives, etc all suggest he isn't of good character. But what APS will really be interested in is how he is taking advantage of your mother.
How long ago exactly did VapoMan move in?
It is a form of injunctive relief b/c it prohibits certain activities and contact. It was an ex-parte order because the individual who was being restrained wasn't required to appear, nor did we want him to!
There's also something known as a TRO, a Temporary Restraining Order, but I've never personally applied for one and don't remember much from when I worked on them for law firms.
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