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I haven't been around my sister for most of her life and only in the last several years have gotten to know her little by little over the phone since we lived so far apart.


My problem is that now that I'm in the same house with her and her friends and due to covid restrictions, I am starting to feel like I made a mistake in coming to live with them.


I feel like I don't know my sister very well, and the other people in the house I seem to be clashing with due to the fact that in California I was very active and productive with my clients and here I'm mostly very inactive and unproductive.
My sister is disabled from 2 strokes, sepsis and being blind in one eye.
The friends that she lives with are a couple, the husband works long hours from home and the wife has her own health issues.
I came here to help my sister and give her friends a much needed break, but now that I'm here I'm feeling like I'm getting in everyone's way, imposing on them, I try to have discussions with them and my sister but they say I'm being argumentative and demanding and entitled. The discussions range from what to watch on TV to what kinds of foods they like, etc. I'm trying to be as helpful as possible by cleaning the kitchen and bathroom but due to them sleeping a lot throughout the day I can't get very much done without disturbing them. They get very upset when they're disturbed even in the middle of the day.

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This sounds to me like a relationship dynamic that is completely unrealistic, I can't imagine why you would think moving in with people who are essentially strangers to you, especially at this time, would ever work. My advice is to find a place of your own near by and play the role of visiting aide, you will regain your own autonomy and they will perhaps be less standoffish and defensive. Hopefully you can forge a different kind of relationship, but if the three of them remain ungrateful because they merely wanted an unpaid drudge then better for you to have regained some independence.
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LadyK5126 Jan 2021
I am thinking about moving out, I've only been here a little over a month and I'm trying to find other caregiving jobs but with covid still going on, it's hard to get hired on.
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LadyK, this was an unproductive move, it seems.

Are these folks paying you?

I would try to get any sort of job available (cleaning, for example) so that you can move out and move on.
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LadyK5126 Jan 2021
I thought I would be giving them a much needed break.
They are glad I'm helping my sister, maybe it's just me thinking about all the things I used to do that I don't do anymore because of covid and feeling like I'm stuck. I know we all are stuck at home due to covid, but I feel like I'm just wasting time doing nothing.
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Why!? Moving cross country for someone you barely know?

Yeah, that was a mistake.
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Are these folks being paid to be a caregiver to your sister?

Why do they need a break?
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Did your sister ask you to come? Were the couple really willing to have you come? Does sister pay them rent? Are u paying rent?

This is their house so their rules. Seems like they have their routine. As a caregiver you have been trained how to care for clients but they probably like you telling them their way is wrong even when it is.

I think ur best bet is to find a place of your own and help sis when u can. If possible, maybe move back to Cal. If sis is on Medicare and/or Medicaid she probably can find help.
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