My dad lives in a independent living facility which is probably the most affordable in the state of CT. The question is, he can't afford it anymore and has no money to move, what do I do, or where do I put him? He is disabled, can't get around without a wheelchair, doesn't drive, I don't trust him with cooking and he eats sh** whenever he can. He fires any nurses that I hire for him and overtakes his medication. When he is in the hospital though, I always ask the social workers if they can help me get him into a nursing home and they tell me that he says everything is fine and doesn't need one. Are there any government programs that could help with his rent?
If you take him home, how often does he end up in the hospital you mention.
Generally, what you have to do often enough is refuse to accept him home from the hospital. They cannot force you to accept him back into your home; Tell them that you are neither mentally nor physically capable of taking care of him in your home now and he requires placement. Tell the Social Worker this the first day of admission to either ER or Hospital. Don't listen to their arguments about how he doesn't need it or they can help you with more help and make it work. That is just an effort to get you to take him home.
If they are claiming "he doesn't need it" I am uncertain what they mean. They MAY mean that your father is mentally competent enough to make his own decision where he wants to go. If that is the case tell them, and tell HIM that coming to your home is not an option, and if they discharge him anywhere unsafe it is an "unsafe discharge". The burden is on them at that point. It is basically what most Hospital Social Workers spend their time doing.
There are some government programs for cheaper rent, but you seem to indicate Dad won't thrive on his own, and there is really no program that will provide him in home help. There are huge waiting lists for subsidized housing.
This is a huge problem in our country.. You are not alone. I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry you are finding you and your dad in this situation. Does your state have a local "Area of Aging Agency" where you can speak with a social worker? Or can you get a Placement Agent who knows all the types of facilities and who has the connections/rapport with various places/people where you can tell them your specific situation and they can tell you what is available.
You need a jumpstart as I always say one resource leads to another until you get the specific type of help you need. Whoever you talk to, if they don't have a solution always ask them for another resource and usually they are able to provide them.
I pray you get the help you need and very soon!