I need help, I’m not sure what options my mom and I have regarding my mental and physical health declining father.

I’m Nicole, daughter of Carlos. I’m speaking in behalf of myself and my mother. My dad has been a verbal abuser ever since I can remember. Mom said it dated back even when they were newly weds. My mom had it rough, dealing with a husband who wouldn’t stop drinking. He’d often come home late and she would worry for him. She’d tell him she only wanted the best for him, that he should stop now before it gets worse. Throughout my life, those words continue to come out of her mouth. Please stop drinking, do it for my sake, do it for your daughter. But he wouldn’t listen, he’d rather listen to his “friends.” Those same friends told my dad to go show his wife who’s truly the one in charge. It led to the police coming in there and checking on them. My mom had bruises yet they didn’t take my father away that night, instead she gave my mom a flyer to go to a program. Which she was too scared to go to. Mom has always been manipulated by him. When she got casted away from her family, he told her to ignore them. To pretend her family members, including her son, never existed. When she got berated by his family, she’d tell him and he wouldn’t want to hear anything of it. He was always defensive regarding his drinking buddies and family who’d just constantly ask for money. I may have had a shitty childhood, growing up being disabled, undergoing surgery after surgery. But my mom had it the worst. When they tried out for a child on their first time, he wasn’t very supportive of her. His family didn’t want the child that’s the mix of her and his blood to be born. My brother died before his time, he probably felt that he was unloved. My mom was bashed one after another till she started to contemplate if getting pregnant was a good idea after all. After losing her child, he told her that she wasn’t a good mother, for letting her own son die like that. He blames her for the loss of his son, despite choosing his alcohol over taking care of his wife.

Now, due to his unhealthy habits, including drinking beer, tomato juice with a lot of salt and generic junk food. He got diabetes, that made him drink even more until he lost his vision. Then he went mad. And even to this day he blames it on her. My dad convinced her that she’s nothing without him, since he’s given her a home, paid the bills and gave her an allowance since she was taking care of me. He feels like he has spoiled her, and so he’d often take his anger on her. I wish this ended sooner but back then I was a scared child who’d often come home to hear my parents get head to head over making ends meet. As time went on, he went more insane. He still believes mom is the reason this had happen to him, despite her being the only one who kept telling him to quit. He refuses to eat what the doctors recommended for him to eat, he takes his medicine however way he wants them. He believes that he knows himself very well, much better than doctors and nurses alike. My mom just gives him what he likes, because that stops the constant screaming of his.

I wish she didn’t have to endure this, especially during this pandemic. People are losing their loved ones and here I fear that my mom and I will die before knowing what peace feels like. I don’t know what to do, my mom feels just as lost. We just want to live a life where we could say goodbye to the nightmarish hell we had to live through. It hurts me seeing him wince and whine, but then my grief turns to bitterness when my mom tries to help him. He keeps shutting her down, degrading her in every way he sees fit. He keeps claiming he’s the victim and that before he’s dead, he’ll file a report of abuse. He refuses to go seek help to see what’s mentally wrong with him, he believes he’s perfectly sane but after seeing his constant fits being the norm for our every day life. It shouldn’t have to be. I believe mom deserves a better life than this, she’s given it her all for this man. I don’t want him to get satisfaction for seeing her in jail for his lies.