How do you get help to move your Mom out of the house? She has dementia and it is no longer safe. I have a place for her with me elsewhere, but she rudely refuses. She also qualifies for MA but wouldn't last long in a home. I need to have services brought in, but first I need to get her out of the old big house. I am running out of my savings keeping her in the house I own in Mpls. I want social workers to help to calm her, not a sherif or anything like that. Any ideas on elder social workers or lawyers?
If the house is unsafe you TELL her that she NEEDS to leave it because you are legally obliged to get it repaired.
You have NO WAY to know how she will behave if you are not present to listen to her protests, and you have absolutely no way to know she “wouldn’t last long in a home.” My own mother came to LOVE her caregivers, and they loved her, in spite of my assumption that she wouldn’t last 6 months in her well run SNF.
Instead, she lasted 5 1/2 VERY SAFE AND COMFORTABLE YEARS.
If she has not been seen by a good geriatric BEHAVIORIST/PSYCHIATRIST, she needs to be, as soon as you can arrange an appointment. A mild medication might help take the edges off her rudeness.
Stop phrasing care decisions as questions.
You need to assume loving, judicious, and VERY control of her care. She will cry, yell, be rude, anything that occurs to you, but she MUST be kept safe.
No easy choices, and we ALL wish there were. Dementia MEANS that she’s lost or is losing, her ability to understand logic and reason.
Obviously you are a loving and conscientious child. As such, you will ultimately realize that she may not agree with what is right and safe, but as her advocate, you will make sure that she gets what she NEEDS.
Stop paying for things also. Take charge. Place her in Memory Care (if that's what you mean by "MA") and realize that many elders 'last' way way LONGER in managed care than they do living in houses that are falling apart where they refuse to budge and have no caregivers to help them, no 3 hot meals a day prepared for them, help with showers, etc. "Homes" are not the horror stories many seem to think they are, in reality. They are beautiful places that look more like hotels than anything else! My own mother would have died long, long ago had she NOT been living in managed care, that's the God's honest truth. She's very fortunate to have the funds to finance her care in Assisted Living/Memory Care, I'll say that!
Do what must be done for your mother and don't take 'no' for an answer. Laugh off her 'rudeness' and get 'er done!
Stop using your savings to pay for her.
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