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She believes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. We hired a caregiver and she told her to come only once a week. My sister and I are very frustrated with her and just don't know what to do. Thank you.
Your mom has Dementia and she will need medication to attempt to slow it down. Namenda, Aricept. You must go with her to her doctor's appointments and understand the medication and what is in store.
Inside her mind she more than likely is very aware of her shortcomings and is working in overdrive due to denial. She has to move through that and understand she needs help. this can be tough because it represents a loss of control, therefor the behavior with dismissing the caregiver, etc.
I am sure you have observed other behavior that is not how your mom used to be.
It's natural to get frustrated with her but it's truly a process that she is going to move through on some level and you guys have to help lead her through it.
May I ask, does she live alone? Are you guys near? Hang out on this site because the caregivers here have got some answers.
Elfiee--I am not a professional, just a former caregiver....and to me it sound like a case of dementia....however, to clearly define her mental short fall, you would be best off with taking her on a visit to a neurologist....to determine the reason behind this change in your Mom. The sooner you do this, the better it can be controlled.
If infact dementia is not the issue, then you can move on to what other possibilities. If this issue is neurodegenerative, there may be some meds that will be of great help.
The key to solving this mystery is make an appointment and now-to get your mom back on course..as well as give you some peace of mind.
Very quickly you can discuss with her doctor tests to take her off certain meds, like bladder control Rx, blood pressure meds. Many cause dementia, as Ditropan and Zocor did for my Mom. Also have her checked for urinary tract infections (or other infection), a common cause of quick mental decline. You'd be amazed at how some changes will bring the elderly back from pure whacksville.
From my experience with my mom, meds and/or Urinary Track Infection (UTI) can cause derlirum - not to be confused with demetia. If a person is older, I have found the medical people just jump to dementia without ruling out delirum that may be caused by so my other things. They look at me crazy - like I am denial of my mom having dementia, but when the other things like med or UTI are adressed and she is again okay. .... I know she is weaker by still okay.
with the Ditropan and zocor, it was dementia symptoms. With the uti and cat scratch fever, it was dilerium. Here's Mom coming out of the dementia state (probably 10 years worth) caused by Ditropan bladder meds.after a few weeks of more improvement (learning to tell time, for example...just try explaining the clock to someone with dementia!)...her BP meds were changed to Zocor, and she plummeted again. We on/off/on/off/on/off the Zocor to test the effect. Each time ON she went dementia on me. Finally, there was only slight improvment, but nothing like the startling result I filmed. I was SO hopeful...and so made a medicine for making my mother an dimwit. ARgghhh...
Looking at my mother-in-law now, I'm thinking that her husband used to cover for her with the memory loss thing. Then when he died 2 years ago, we suddenly were faced with how bad it was. But I also think the stress of his death shoved the dementia into overdrive. She used to cover for him too, with his mental state. Had he not died, he might well have been in the same boat as she is now. Scary.
I agree it sounds like what we are going through with Dementia but you need a thorough eval with a geriatric specialist and a neurologist to be sure what you are dealing with. ALSO it is very important before she slips further into this disease to get a Mediacal AND DURABLE Powers of Attorney right now! While she has moments of lucidness. We just found it very helpful to get in touch with a Geriatric Care Management person that can help to guide you through the future, they can counsel you and be a liason with your mom's doctors and caregivers. Get those powers of attorney right away as it is very important. Also accompany your mom to her doctor appointments as she is more than likely not telling the doctor the truth and all the details if she goes alone or with someone that hasn't been around her as much as you have. Start writing things down as you notice them, do a time log so you have solid evidence of progression, we also take pictures of my father in law and his surroundings. Their safety and health is top priority way before you worry about anything like hurting their feelings on how to take care of them. Good Luck, keep checking in for support!
I have been going through the same thing and finally got my husband to a Neurologist. I really learned a lot. I thought all his problems were from having COPD. He gave me some info that I would be happy to send you and you can do with it what you wish. Definitely talk all this over with your doctors. I have more I can add to the doctor info if you wish too. Just let me know what you would like to do. I had noticed the same thing too. Going down fast. Scary to say the least.
There are a number of statements that have been made in your comments that are so very true. My mother has had constant UTI's for the past couple of years. About 5 years ago she was diagnosed with COPD and now it is severe. She takes daily medication (4 times/day) for her COPD, then there are meds for blood pressure and a number more which do contribute to her memory loss. We have gone to all the doctors recommended but it is as if all occurred overnight. Mom lives alone and will not hear absolutely refuses to sell the home and move into a smaller place. My sister and I live about 10 minutes away. Mom doesn't feel well every day now and she is either in bed or sitting on a recliner. My mother is totally involved in all discussions. Although, she does not remember when we revisit.
Thanks to all of you for your emails and support. elfie
Including your Mom in all discussions is really important. Hopefully she remembers them. Maybe when she is having a good day you could talk about power of attorney etc. where you might be able to get her house sold. Just take a small step at a time and things will work out. As you know, you have to keep on top of things and I know that is hard. It is hard to do all kinds of things and try and convince them they/you are doing the right thing.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your mom has Dementia and she will need medication to attempt to slow it down. Namenda, Aricept.
You must go with her to her doctor's appointments and understand the medication and what is in store.
Inside her mind she more than likely is very aware of her shortcomings and is working in overdrive due to denial. She has to move through that and understand she needs help. this can be tough because it represents a loss of control, therefor the behavior with dismissing the caregiver, etc.
I am sure you have observed other behavior that is not how your mom used to be.
It's natural to get frustrated with her but it's truly a process that she is going to move through on some level and you guys have to help lead her through it.
May I ask, does she live alone? Are you guys near?
Hang out on this site because the caregivers here have got some answers.
Good luck. You both can do this.
Bobbie
If infact dementia is not the issue, then you can move on to what other possibilities. If this issue is neurodegenerative, there may be some meds that will be of great help.
The key to solving this mystery is make an appointment and now-to get your mom back on course..as well as give you some peace of mind.
Best of luck to your mom as well as to yourself.
Hap
She used to cover for him too, with his mental state. Had he not died, he might well have been in the same boat as she is now. Scary.
I have been going through the same thing and finally got my husband to a Neurologist. I really learned a lot. I thought all his problems were from having COPD. He gave me some info that I would be happy to send you and you can do with it what you wish. Definitely talk all this over with your doctors. I have more I can add to the doctor info if you wish too. Just let me know what you would like to do.
I had noticed the same thing too. Going down fast. Scary to say the least.
Patricia
Thanks to all of you for your emails and support. elfie
Good luck,
Patricia