My hubby had bronchiactisis chf and ckd i took him into hosp for hypoxia and PE , they had to intubate and 14 days later they cd not wean him off breathing tube and he wasnt waking updocs recommended comfort care bc they said nothing was working kidneys failing etcnow i feel guilty i jumped tooquickly and didnt give him time to recover its killing me my hubby was my world im a mess and suicidal over this cant stop reliving his death at my hands
You feel guilty but that is because you are grieving and you are sad, and it is common to blame the drs or nurses or yourself, anything but the reality that it is the loss of your husband you are upset about. Not guilt, you did what you could, and so did the hospital. It's grief, not guilt. I learned about that here.
Please do not make any kind of permanent or important decisions for at least a year after you suffer this kind of devastating loss. It will save you a lot of problems in the future. Your husband would not want you to do anything rash. You must have loved him very much if you are so sad, and he must have loved you back. No one who loves someone wants them to feel bad for things they didn't do. You didn't make him sick, you didn't have the power to restore him to health either. Nor did the hospital and they tried.
Call the suicide hotline. I'm serious.
You made the best decision you could for your dear husband. Death is always a shock. You made another good decision to share your grief her on aging care.
Give yourself time to grieve. We are sending you hugs and I am so sorry for your loss.
Let us hear from you. We care.
He walked through those hospital doors and that was the last time I saw him lucid.
Trust and believe, you did the noble thing for your husband. Guilt is normal, but you will eventually accept the death. It will take time.
I had guilt myself in the beginning. These feelings will come up from time to time. You did nothing wrong. Holidays are not easy for me at times. I think I celebrated twice within the last nine years.
Feel free to pm through this board.
I'm sorry for your loss.
📞 988 — Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call, text, or chat by dialing 988
or at least call someone you trust and tell them how you are feeling and allow others to help you.
In Jan 2024 I was at my Aunt's house (she was 105 with all her mind) helping her through CHF. She helped raise me for the first 20 yrs of my life and was a very sweet person. She had a stroke right in front of me and was paralyzed on the right side. Long story short: I had to call 911 for her since I had not yet gotten in-home hospice in place. She could no longer talk or blink or swallow but her mind was still there. Per her written legal instructions and what she had verbally expressed to me, I stopped the staff from any intervention and started her on Ativan to calm her and morphine for pain (because of all the jostling and moving and touching they had to do to her... her skin was paper thin. I cannot forget how she was looking at me as the meds took her into that twilight state. We got her home and she passed in 4 days but a year later I have not "gotten over" putting the wheels in motion even though I KNOW there was no hope of recovery or quality of life for her. Making "life and death" decisions for someone else if very heavy. Please stop second-guessing yourself: you made the best possible decision for him based on all the facts and prognoses before you.
May you receive healing and peace in your heart as you grieve.
My sweet sister in law died from being intubated and not being able to breathe on her own once she was extubated. She was 65 years old.
Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
We all are going to die eventually, so don't blame yourself whatsoever. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you have strong grief. You did not cause his medical conditions whatsoever. Call 988 and talk to someone!