But I find myself feeling blue and dragging right along with her. She is having trouble walking, needs frequent help and doesn’t like the loss of independence, feels bad most of the time and says things like “I don’t know why God still has me here.” Ok friends, any suggestions?
My MIL spent 90% of her time in her lift chair (Command Central) watching TV. One way to make her happy was to bring down the family dog and let her throw him ice chips. She loved to watch him jump for those. When they were done, they spent several minutes loving on each other.
Perhaps there is visiting animal organization in your area? I know there is one here that comes to our local schools and libraries. Or, perhaps you could get her to visit the local animal shelter to socialize with the animals?
By the way, did your MIL get some relief from the vertigo? I left a message on your profile page about our previous discussion on the subject. Best of luck to you, my friend
Take her back to old times through photo albums, old family videos, old books ..music..movies made during her younger years. Caring for loved ones is so challenging. I care for my mom. Before you help implement these memories for her, do the same for yourself first. Place yourself in the mood you are trying to express to her ;-)
Have you tried good clean comedy? Pillow talk with Doris Day and Rock Hudson, African Queen with Humphrey Bogart and Catherine Hepburn come to mind when I think of comedy. You can also go to YouTube and watch silly videos about most subjects, animals, babies, oh babies belly laughing, it's hard not to find joy in that.
Maybe start a project documenting her memories of family, get her to tell stories while you video record. Gotta look good for all the future generations that will be enjoying your story, need a little sun on those cheeks, don't want to scare the young'uns.
These will help change the atmosphere and help all of you. Depression can permeate a house.
For myself, I turned to Ashwagandha - although the doctor wanted to put me on Zoloft too, I refused, I needed to be 100% alert at all times to tend to my DH. The Ashwagandha allowed me to stay calm and to return to sleep when he awakened me hourly to void.
You can google Ashwagandha to learn more about it. It is not a drug, it is a root, an ayurvedic.
My parents both also experience depression and question why this is happening. I sympathize with them and say, “I know it’s hard. I’m so sorry this is happening. But one thing I want you to know is that we all love you, and we will always make sure you are safe and cared for. You don’t have to do this alone.” Note that I do not promise I will always be with them 24/7. Sometimes too I’ll tell them how strong they are and how much I admire the strength they show every day. Lastly, when they begin to speak about death or wish for death, I have told them both that if they hear God calling, it is OK to let go, that they do not have to fight to stay here. I let them know I will understand, and though I will miss them, I’ll be ok.
‘Of course, with the dementia, we have these discussions somewhat often. The depression happens often, and they do not remember the things I have said. (They are both on medication for the depression, and really should not be given more for a number of reasons.) One other technique I have read seems to work with agitated seniors is offering/giving ice cream. The cold sensation can be distracting and the sweet creamy taste can be uplifting. The facility where my folks are always keep ice cream cups handy for this purpose.
I hope some of this helps in some small way. You are a very special person to be doing this caretaking, You will remain in my thoughts for strength and comfort.
I find myself going’s down with him. I pray you have family and friends I find if I get him out he does better for the day. We go for breakfast. I try and take him to a senior center. I don’t really have any answers for you but wanted to let you know I understand.
Blessings
eloise
Also is she on hospice? If so then they have volunteers who can visit with her. I have other thoughts but will wait on your response.
Eloise
My prickly LO knows I mean it, so after I say it I move right along to gossipy chitchat.
I will thank you for posting because I’ve worked on LO’s finances all day and it’s really nice to have the chance to chat with you instead of writing checks.
Hoping both of you find tomorrow a little sunnier!!!!
I recently read that humor/laughter is the best medicine. There is this young girl, looks like she is 15, who is in a wheelchair that comes to the hospital every Saturday morning [I volunteer there] with her Mom, as she needs transfusions. The girl has her hair colored in pink, green and blue just for fun. She and her Mom have a fantastic relationship, always smiling/laughing. Recently the teen now has a mobilized wheelchair, there is no stopping her now. She is living life to the fullest in her situation :)
So, start cheer-leading, if you can !! Think of fun things to do, even if it means dragging your friend along.... at least get her outside into the sunshine [sun can be great, my cats are always in a sunbeam to recharge]. Check the local newspaper for free thing to do, like a concert in the park, or is she shy about her condition? If yes, think about that 15 year old girl, she doesn't care if people see her in her wheelchair.