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My mom needed 24/7 care after surgery.the asked me to live with them permanently and my sister spent 9 weeks helping too! My brother, who lives around the corner from my parents demanded we text him daily and would not help us with anything. He would drop by occasionally as he always did but that was the extent of his involvement.he told me that I had ulterior motives.. that I wanted their house! He said I made demands for money on my dad.in another “Conversation” in front of my sister he said I should never take money from them because he knows they helped me with my houseTHEN at the hospital he took my dad in the hallway and warned him about me— I came into the hall and my brother said I had already taken the “first step” in scamming them by “pushing family members out” he warned my dad to “watch his bank account “ because I will access it and take his money. My brother said he wants a legal document that states I can never access any of their money! My parents told me if he continues on with this he is cut out of everything.i told my parents I will be civil with him when it comes to their health care ( doctors appointments etc) But I will not spend time with him- so when he does drop in I make myself scarce he now comes into my parents house unannounced and startles us! It’s like he’s spying! After my sister’s 9 week stay she sent an email saying he is wrong about me and how difficult it really is to be a full time caregiver.I want to enjoy this time with my parents.i am scared that if something happens to them ( like a fall) he will file a lawsuit against me. How can I get peace with this situation?

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Drop all the who said what to whom, it’s unproductive and not getting you anywhere. Make sure your parents have all needed legal documents in place, a will, advance directives for their wishes in medical care, and POA’s for healthcare and financial decisions. At their ages, they should no longer be each other’s POA, but have someone a generation younger named. Take them to a lawyer for guidance if needed. These documents need to be kept somewhere safe and accessible by the person named to carry out duties. Peace will come by knowing your parents legal wishes are in place and stopping all the chatter and going silent on the situation
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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KMcG22 Nov 24, 2024
all their documents are in order. They have a will etc.
my brother is the executor
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Your brother is obviously worried about his inheritance. I hope your parents made a Will and your brother is NOT the Executor.
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Reply to Geaton777
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KMcG22 Nov 24, 2024
He IS the executor
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Your parents and you need to see an elder law attorney NOW to make you their POA, and to check on whether or not they have a will, to help them make one if they are competent to do so, and to create a care contract for your living with them which would be "room and board paid for you living in a room, and shopping and cooking and transportation for them".
You should be paid legally and that means a contract. Otherwise, if they ever require medicaid the 5 year lookback will look as though they are gifting you and they will not qualify for care.
You do not share the details of a POA. You are NOT free to discuss their finances with brother or anyone else.
Do understand, if they ever need governmental assistance there will be clawback reimbursement to Medicaid after their deaths on that home.
You could actually end up homeless and without a good job history unless you get and KEEP a job working from home.

If brother wishes to he may apply to be their guardianship, but since you are living with them and caring for them and if you get a POA from your parents, he likely would not win a guardianship fight in court.

Siblings fighting over parents while they bodies are still warm is one of my pet peeves. It is very hard on parents.
I wish you the best.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I had a sister who tried to make my life a living hell along with her minions of children. I did the care for my younger sister after our mother passed. She would make false reports to APS pretending to be younger sister. This mess went on for the entire three years I lived in that house. Medicaid was involved because my younger sister was receiving home health care paid by Medicaid because of her disability. Mom had set that up years before she passed. They didn't come after the house. Since the property was in my parent's names and dad got the house through rights of survivorship, the house was rightfully his. He paid the house note. I happened to be living there when mom took ill, so the caregiving baton went to me. I arranged hospice care for mom, took care of the cleaning and household tasks, grocery shopping and laundry. I didn't get a dime for my effort. I did not get a word of thanks from anybody in that family. I moved when my sister was placed. I started and completed the process of placement too.

I was blessed with a full time job after months of searching and was able to move.

Siblings get wicked when they get greedy for money. It's jealousy especially when they think another sibling is getting a bigger slice of the pie. So, please watch your back and continue to work if you haven't quit your job. You may want to start looking for a job if you are not currently working. You are going to need your quarters to qualify for Medicare once you hit sixty-five.
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Reply to Scampie1
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If your brother is the executor and has POA, you are in a bad, bad situation. I'm guessing brother believes you are staying with your parents primarily for your own benefit, or at least it factored heavily in your decision to stay with them.. On the other hand, you should be compensated fairly if you are doing most of the caregiving and housekeeping for your parents. It is a particularly bad situation if brother, or someone else has control over finances. So, I would recommend either convincing parents to sign over POA and executorship and drawing up a contract where you are compensated fairly or move out and let brother handle the caregiving. I've personally witnessed 2 individuals who lived with an elderly parent while the other sibling that lived elsewhere had control over the finances. Both of those individuals ended up homeless after the parent passed or had to go into a nursing home. Either have your parents and you see an attorney to draw up legal paperwork to provide you security and control, or move out. Otherwise you need to understand that this living situation is not going to last indefinitely, and you could be in a bad place when your parents get too ill or pass.
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Reply to mstrbill
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You mention that your brother is the Executer that comes into play after death not before.
You do not mention who is POA.
If your parents are cognizant then the Executer can be changed if they so wish.
If you are not POA and your brother is this could get messy and if that is the case walk away. Let him handle this.
And if you do that I would think you will get nothing as far as an inheritance.
You should also be getting paid for your "caregiving services" and "room and board" is NOT compensation for caregiving.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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