Or should I hold back some things? I feel sick at the thought of my first therapy appointment. Worried that I'll start rambling on like a lunatic, or start crying & not be able to stop. (Obvious that I've waited too long to get help?) I rarely trust anyone with how I feel, cuz that's how I ended up with that dam# lexapro (last month). Please answer before Friday (Nov 16) when I have the appt. Thanks.
My personal reliance on my Faith does not intermingle too closely with my depressive and anxiety symptoms, and my belief system is firm.
Therefore, I want to be talking to someone who will help me consider my behaviors in a way that will be novel to me, and I will trust myself to be smart and aware through my therapy to contrast feelings that may seem out of kilter with my Faith, and learn from that kind of comparison how to reconcile the pain and frustration of caregiving with the joy of helping a less than cooperative LO.
My present therapist was raised in my personal Faith, and may or may not be active in it now, and we have NEVER had any conflict in belief.
If I sensed any potential conflict, I’d be looking for someone else.
TRULY SORRY that you wound up with the wrong counselor in your first attempt. Please give it another try.
If your apprehensive go slowly. Only speak of the problems in increments until you get a "good feel" for the person and trust your instincts.
I always find out where they graduated from. The better the school the better the therapist. You can check the person out online by typing in the person's name.
Hope that helps you.
Once we sat down, I became comfortable with her almost immediately. Actually it was a very interesting experience and I always wondered what she thought of ts1 when she saw her.😵 TS1 is freaking crazy and self absorbed and a narcissist. Wondered how her clients felt about her. But, no matter.
So, my advice is to just take your time. If you do not feel comfortable, that is ok, and they have all had this happen. You are the one that needs to feel comfortable as that is the only way you will be helped.
And do not underestimate the other caregivers here, they are here for you any time of day or night, and also are able to be your sounding board. Good luck tomorrow.
My first therapist got me into going. I had her for 5 visits paid for by my agency. I realized her expertise was learning disabled children, not what I had going on. Then the second one I had for 3 years. He helped me so much, but, he didn't have the tools to help me through a divorce and learning to live on my own. The third one did that, she was crazy, but she was what I needed for that time of my life. The last one wasn't a good fit for me, but accomplished the goal I was after.
I think about it this way, I needed help to learn algebra, help to learn to sew, I needed help to learn to put myself first part of the time, and my therapists did that. I had a emotional abusive mother and then husband, I needed the tools to stand up for myself and leave.
My hat is off to you for taking this step.
I’ve been seeing my current one for 6 years after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s and raising a grandson part time.
My father died a week ago and having a long term, objective voice in my life is worth every dollar, every mile, every minute during this difficult time. As usual his advice was insightful. When I did some little test he was right too.
BUT, if your appointment doesn’t fill good, if your gut is hesitant, you might not have a good fit. Look for another person. It’s okay.
Good luck with the process. I hope you find comfort.
Just a couple things to add, therapy takes time, it is not a quick fix and when I started I was impatient for things to be 'better'.
You may be asked to challenge your assumptions, examine where your feelings are rooted and it may be hard. If you come out feeling like you have had a chat with a friend that agrees with everything you say, then it is not likely you have done the hard work.
Don't be surprised if you come out of some of your sessions feeling worse than when you went in. This means you are working on the hard stuff and things will improve. You may reach a point after several sessions, the number varies by person, where you feel you are being asked to work on things that are hard, painful or perhaps do not feel relevant. Keep going, this can be the point of a breakthrough.
If a therapist suggests a technique for calming yourself and it does not 'work' or feel like a good fit, ask about other techniques. Tapping is a therapy that works for some, but not for me. Some techniques for self calming are meant as daily exercises, others for when you are feeling overwhelmed.
You can sit down at your appt and just tell the therapist how nervous you are. They are trained and experienced.
Tiger, they have seen and heard it all. There is very little you can say to a therapist that will cause surprise or shock.
I see many suggestions to write down your thoughts before you go to your first appt and I concur. Bring that with you and refer to it as needed.
Totally normal to be nervous. Wishing you good luck.
Good luck!!
You can ask a geriatric MD for recommendations.
It takes more than one professional to help me with all that is happening.
Accept any help you can get.
But only talk about you are comfortable with as of now. You will warm up to him/her in your own time and she/he will know this. Take one session at a time.
You can and probably need this. You will be fine! This is a great step in the right direction.
I went to 3 different doctors spread out over a span of 3 months on the days where I felt like I really could not function anymore. Only ONE of them really listened, really comforted me, really gave me solid solutions to consider, and really made me feel like hey--this sort of emotional distress is NORMAL. And that there is nothing wrong with ME to feel like this. He also told me that I could come back to him anytime I needed. It really made me feel so much better.
As for the other two doctors... I felt like they could not understand the situation AT ALL and as a result I felt like I had to "keep myself in order" in front of them and not "waste their time." Which should NOT be the case when we are a PATIENT. At my lowest, with one of the unsympathetic doctors I clammed up entirely and thought to myself "if I went out of this place now and threw myself in front of a car, you wouldn't even care, would you?"
My advice to you is that you should feel free to pour your heart out. A good therapist shouldn't be making you feel like you are being judged. Neither should you feel like you have to hold yourself back because of THEM. If they do make you feel that way, or in any way that gives you discomfort, CHANGE your therapist immediately. Nobody should make you feel worse when you are already at your lowest, especially not when they are supposed to be there to help us with our emotional distress.
Another thing I would suggest, is to perhaps write down your thoughts first before going to your therapist. And bring it along. So if it makes you really nervous to speak to the therapist directly, you could then ask if you could just read from your letter? And be honest with your therapist that you are terrified about your first experience--hopefully then, they will know how to be extra gentle with you.
I believe I read this somewhere on this forum: for self care, we should get our care and support from those who can give it to us, and not keep on trying to get it from those who cannot give it to us. Be it for family, friends, or the therapist of our choice, I think the same golden logic applies.
My therapist was very kind, she gently led me to talk about whatever I wanted to talk about, and let me cry when I needed to. Boxes of tissues are always at hand. I was lucky that I found her to be very empathic as her dad had also suffered from Alzheimer's, which was why I chose her.
I'm sure your therapist will be totally understanding of what you need to "get off your chest", and they are trained to deal with all that they hear from us.
Good luck!
I have RARELY dealt with a poor therapist, but I left two when I felt we had completed all the work I needed to do.
I would LOVE to be able to cry in a therapy session. In fact, the next time I go, I may ask my therapist to help me figure out why it’s so difficult for me to do so.
Thank You for the helpful suggestion, Tiger55.
I think advice here is good to maybe start small, and let the therapist guide you. I assume you will get a pretty good feeling whether you are comfortable sharing more with this person. Trust your instincts. I hope you find healing through this process.