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In Chicago, look up Center on Halsted! We just opened an LGBTQ retirement center! They might also recommend other national possibilities depending on where you live.
In the least, visit facilities you are considering and ask to discuss their non-discrimination policies. Even better is when they are clearly posted and included gender identity and sexual orientation. Talk to the representatives and ask if they welcome and already have LGBT(Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) Elder residents. This is a spreading concern as our large aging LGBT population is starting to need LTC options. Not all LGBT elders want to live only with others in their community, but they want to be respected and treated well wherever they choose to live. You can access SAGE (Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders) online at www.sageusa.org and there may be a chapter near you for information also.
Contact SAGE, a national group that deals with elder gay/LGBT concerns. Although based in New York City, they may be able to help in other cities. They can tell you which nursing homes they have had outreach to and which may be more sensitive to gay issues. They also offer help and advice for caregivers etc.
Exhausted, I'm glad to read the helpful responses to your question. It is so much better to live with people you can talk to without choosing your words. I hope you can find something that you like.
Does not matter what the antidiscrimination policy says. Policies do not work with the residents, people do. Depending upon the attitude of the person who takes care of a lgbt senior, that is how they will be treated, from outward to subtle discrimination. I believe those posters that gave advice to contact places and organizations for the lgbt community gave the best advice. After working in healthcare for so many years I do not feel the issues of human sexuality in general for elderly residents for straight or lgbt residents have been handled well. Here are some facts that both families may have to face with an elder regarding sexuality. Your always straight identified loved one may start to develop a relationship(s) of the same or both genders. There may be one or more person they gravitate toward male, female, or both that they prefer to sit with hold hands with and show affection towards. Yes, they can be sexual also. If both parties are two consenting adults which translates into meaning they are both mentally intact than it is within their rights to do as they please and be provided privacy for intimate moments. No one legally has to seek permission or notify any family members when two consenting adults are involved. Staff reacts in different ways depending upon their value system. There is no policy police on duty. Some staff will not restrict the rights of any of their residents. Other caretakers do not see elders as sexual beings. They have in a sense put elders on a pedestal that does not recognize that sexuality is a part of life for everyone irregardless of age. These caregivers are a bit shocked when they see relationships between seniors and will.express it to their coworkers. There coworkers will educate them which will be a mixture of factual information and personal bias. Other caretakers act on their own personal bias and may openly or subtlety interfere with their residents rights. They intentionally intervene in some way to seperate or stop the elders involved from socializing together. They disrupt any kind of contact ranging from handholding to kissing and beyond. Sometimes other caretakers remind their coworker about residents rights but not always. As human beings we all discriminate in ways we do not recognize .Who we say we are and what we do are two different things. So I have at times wittnessed the caretaker who does not exactly Iinterfere with residents rights directly but can be a bit more hypervigilant in this situation. This excessevive presence can at times be restrictive to seniors trying to be with their special someone. Clearly this is a problem where facilities do not actively work to make sure staff makes sure staff does not violate any of their residents rights. Even the ones we feel uncomfortable about.
In most of these homes, in the common areas, I see men sitting with men and women sitting with women. Are they gay? Don't know and don't care, but I'm willing to bet the men talk sports and the women talk grandchildren. Don't ask the staff, because their first rule is patient privacy and they are very discreet about any personal interactions. As it should be.
Pam I might be walking straight into a PC sh*tstorm saying this, but the gay men of my acquaintance would probably want to be somewhere - anywhere! - where they didn't have to talk about sport. Opera and cookery could be USPs?
Oy vey! Not to open a PC s--tstorm, as you put it, but I have many gay male friends who love sports and are athletic and many more who have never even been to the opera and couldn't care less about it. In the 21st century let's get past these tired old stereotypes -- sure they exist, but they aren't the whole story. Like most communities, the gay community is a very, very diverse one. And yes, it does include guys who aren't into sports and love opera, LOL.
Carebill I do know that lots of gay men like sport - including, for example, the former Captain of the Welsh Rugby Team, Gareth Thomas. I'm just thinking of where a poor chap's to go if he'd rather stick red hot needles in his eyes than discuss the offside rule.
PS and lots of lesbians DON'T like hiking and do wear mascara..!
Contact the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley, 875 E Main St #500, Rochester, NY 14605, Phone: (585) 244-8640. If there are any facilities near Freeport, NY (I used to live there too!), they should be able to point you in the right direction. Good luck!
I'd like to see an end to people feeling unwelcome, too, Maggie; but on the other hand people like to be with like-minded people, and sexuality can be part of that. You don't go to gay bars just so's you won't get arrested any more, thank God; but they still exist because the ambience is different and sometimes that's what you want. Roll on the day when it's a cultural choice like any other.
Matthew Paris, journalist and former politician who's been out forever, would make you chuckle - he described his shock on bantering (nicely - he's a complete gentleman) with an airline steward and getting blanked. You can't rely on anything nowadays!
I would reccommend any gay senior to go into facilities that are geared toward the lgbt community. Otherwise you or your loved will be at the mercy of those involved who are taking care of you. There will be no one standard that is routinely upheld to treat a gay senior with respect and dignity and allow them all their residents rights.
Interesting question and I never thought about it before.
Thank you for the question. It would be nice if you would submit some sort of a reason as to why you would want this kind of facility, your feelings, etc. I'd love to read it. I'm thinking this is NOT about sex.
I can see why a gay person would like to be around other gay people. Sexual orientation is a key part of a person's day-to-day life, so wanting to be around others who share/understand your orientation is totally understandable to me.
I'm a vegetarian and believe me, I'd love to be around other vegetarians if I ever have to go to a facility. Where my mom lives, I'd be hard-pressed to eat 90% of the food they serve, since I'd want vegetarian/vegan options for every meal. And I wouldn't want to have to explain myself every time I sat down to eat.
I believe once the younger generation gets to become elderly and need to go into assisted living or nursing homes, there won't be a need to find separate facilities.
blannie, My husband did not especially like the lunches served at his day care program. One day he asked for a vegetarian plate. He thought it was much better, so he always got vegetarian after that. Other participants noticed that his plate looked nicer and fresher, and suddenly they were serving many vegetarian lunches! :)
I think you will do fine (for meals anyway) at any care center you might need. They'll keep track of your preferences. I realize that won't mean you'll be surrounded by people who share your views, of course.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
do not work with the residents, people do. Depending upon the attitude of the person who takes care of a lgbt senior, that is how they will be treated, from outward to subtle discrimination. I believe those posters that gave advice to contact places and organizations for the lgbt community gave the best advice. After working in healthcare for so many years I do not feel the issues of human sexuality in general for elderly residents for straight or lgbt residents have been handled well. Here are some facts that both families may have to face with an elder regarding sexuality. Your always straight identified loved one may start to develop a relationship(s) of the same or both genders. There may be one or more person they gravitate toward male, female, or both that they prefer to sit with hold hands with and show affection towards. Yes, they can be sexual also. If both parties are two consenting adults which translates into meaning they are both mentally intact than it is within their rights to do as they please and be provided privacy for intimate moments. No one legally has to seek permission or notify any family members when two consenting adults are involved. Staff reacts in different ways depending upon their value system. There is no policy police on duty. Some staff will not restrict the rights of any of their residents. Other caretakers do not see elders as sexual beings. They have in a sense put elders on a pedestal that does not recognize that sexuality is a part of life for everyone irregardless of age. These caregivers are a bit shocked when they see relationships between seniors and will.express it to their coworkers. There coworkers will educate them which will be a mixture of factual information and personal bias. Other caretakers act on their own personal bias and may openly or subtlety interfere with their residents rights. They intentionally intervene in some way to seperate or stop the elders involved from socializing together. They disrupt any kind of contact ranging from handholding to kissing and beyond. Sometimes other caretakers remind their coworker about residents rights but not always. As human beings we all discriminate in ways we do not recognize .Who we say we are and what we do are two different things. So I have at times wittnessed the
caretaker who does not exactly Iinterfere with residents rights directly but can be a bit more hypervigilant in this situation. This excessevive presence can at times be restrictive to seniors trying to be with their special someone.
Clearly this is a problem where facilities do not actively work to make sure staff makes sure staff does not violate any of their residents rights. Even the ones we feel uncomfortable about.
Don't ask the staff, because their first rule is patient privacy and they are very discreet about any personal interactions. As it should be.
[duck and cover]
PS and lots of lesbians DON'T like hiking and do wear mascara..!
Matthew Paris, journalist and former politician who's been out forever, would make you chuckle - he described his shock on bantering (nicely - he's a complete gentleman) with an airline steward and getting blanked. You can't rely on anything nowadays!
Thank you for the question. It would be nice if you would submit some sort of a reason as to why you would want this kind of facility, your feelings, etc. I'd love to read it. I'm thinking this is NOT about sex.
I'm a vegetarian and believe me, I'd love to be around other vegetarians if I ever have to go to a facility. Where my mom lives, I'd be hard-pressed to eat 90% of the food they serve, since I'd want vegetarian/vegan options for every meal. And I wouldn't want to have to explain myself every time I sat down to eat.
I think you will do fine (for meals anyway) at any care center you might need. They'll keep track of your preferences. I realize that won't mean you'll be surrounded by people who share your views, of course.