Stressful moments. My mother came to live with us after a month in rehab from hip surgery. It's been a week. We made our family room into her room for the time being. Or maybe for the long term. We use the living room. Anyway, it's been a roller coaster of emotion for me. Maybe for my mom too. I'm hoping it's just because it's the adjustment period. I've been cleaning out her apt., bringing boxes upon boxes here. Donating boxes. So a typical day is where I am up at 5 a.m., go to work, come home and get this or that for my mom, and don't sit down until 9 p.m. I promise you, I am not regretting my decision to have her here, but is it normal to feel real anger, which I hold in, and then I feel guilty. Her physical therapist told her she needs to do more for herself instead of having me do things for her. But she still tells me get this, put this away, on and on. Am I having normal feelings or am I being mean? I need help with this!
It is disrupting toward your space, your routine, privacy and comfort level, etc. for the both of you, not to mention caregiving is like a full time job in itself. I've gone through the gamut of anger, self-pity, sympathy for mom, and total exhaustion. Definitely understand the roller coaster.
As far as her doing things for herself, I would definitely have her do as much as she can. Like they say, if you don't use it, you lose it. I've had to do the same with mine. When she first got here, she wanted to be waited on hand and foot, and there are some areas where she has improved the more that she practices doing for herself. She thought I was mean too, but I told her it would help her to do the things that she CAN do, and whatever she truly, genuinely can't, I will help her with.
Remember it doesn’t help mom for you to wait on her and set a terrible precedent.
Good that you are checking in only one week later. Dont let it get out of hand.
Slow down. Pace yourself. Tell her that she has to do her part by getting better and doing for herself.
Don’t stop spending time with your family and friends.
Protect your privacy.
Have clear boundaries.
She should support herself.
Find a caregiver to fill in when you need to leave and you don’t want her to be alone or she doesnt want to be alone.
In other words don’t stop living to be a caretaker.