My sister, who stole several thousand dollars from my mom's acct. a few months ago, has a best friend who has taken her place. My mom does not want my sister around anymore. My mother was very mean and hateful to her 6 children. She is not happy unless she can make someone unhappy and talk filth about them. She is now 86. I was the only one of her children that would give her any time at all. I have recently gotten her into a nice retirement home. She wanted my thief sister out of the will so I helped her create a new one. My sisters best friend has now stepped in and convinced my mom to get me out of her life. This is with the help of my thief sister. My mom and thief sister both have mental issues. My thief sister found out through her best friend that myself and my moms brother are now executors of her will. My thief sister left me a vile voice mail which I've saved. (My thief sister was on my mom's bank acct. so not much the police can do but I've contacted elder abuse). My sisters best friend has moved in on my mom for my sister and has now gotten me out of the picture. My mom has always had mental issues with anger and rage. I had a wonderful lunch with her on a Tuesday and had given her copies of will and POA. On Thursday my thief sister left the vile message and on Friday my mom told me to never come back to see her that she didn't consider me her daughter anymore. Since my thief sister does not talk to my mom, this has all transpired through my sisters best friend. Three of my siblings are standing behind me on this and when my mom dies we will more than likely be in court with the best friend. I have a feeling the best friend will convince my mom to change her will and POA. I'm hoping not. My thief sisters best friend has no idea how far involved she's gotten herself. She convinced the retirement home she is my moms daughter and they turned over my mom's apt. key, mail key and key to all the outside doors to her. She did this when my mom first moved in 2 months ago and I was on vacation. I did get involved with that and got the 3 keys back. It took a month to do it. I did make a police report with the best friends full name and my thief sisters name in it. I've also made a full report with the keys and the friend alienating me with elder abuse of Oregon. I now have NO contact with my mom and have NO idea on what this 'best friend' is up to with her. I don't know where to go for advice on this. Has this happen to any of you?
Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend is a good book to start thinking about these issues. You only have so many years here, so I chose to make them happy years without the drama. When I walked away, I gained respect from the narcissists and from myself. It was well worth the temporary discomfort to get to a place where I am at peace.
Coloresue, my mom does not have an attorney. We took the will and POA to my bank to have it notorized. There are 6 of us kids. My mom was were physical with all of us. She beat us all. It was an awful childhood for all of us. The oldest hasn't talked to her in 30 yrs. The 2nd. oldest hasn't talked with her in 20 and the same with the 3rd. The fourth is the mentally ill one and the 5th does not want to talk to her after mom told her she 'hated' my sister's granddaughter, who is 4, and her father. I am the youngest, at 61. My mom has 11 grandchildren and she has been mean to all of them and none of them talk to her and haven't for many, many years. My thoughts on the will that was newly signed on 6-19-15 are that if it is changed soon after and this 'best friend' is in it, she will be in court shortly after the death of my mother. My 3 oldest siblings will stand behind me on this. They've told me this. I don't know how to go about finding if the new will has been changed other than waiting it out until my mom dies. My mother has no sense of empathy and compassion. She never has her whole entire life. I believe this is why she was verbally and physically abusive to all 6 of us. My thief sister and her best friend will have a huge awakening when my mom dies. Thank you both for listening. I just don't know what to do. I guess there is nothing for me to do but wait it out.
Back to our story about our neighbor: The people trying to get her money had changed her to a different lawyer so we went with her back to her original lawyer. With his help we were able to get her securities returned that they'd taken (worth $11,000) and legal paperwork in order the way she wanted it.
I strongly suggest you find out if your sister's friend has changed your Mom from her original lawyer. This is a likely move on the "friend's" part. Go to your Mom's original lawyer if this has happened. If not, find a new one by asking around. You need one with experience in elder law I would think. I think your 3 siblings and you who agree with one another should all go to the 1st appointment and have you be the main person doing the talking to explain the problem. Have written notes in chronological order with a copy for the lawyer. Let the lawyer explain the possible next steps.
I hope you can clear this problem up and also learn if there is a new medical problem behind your mother's behavior.
You should also report all of your sister's and her friend's actions to APS and ask them to intervene. If not already happening, there's a good potential for financial fraud in this situation.
It also sounds as if your mother's isn't making logical decisions. I assume there's some element of dementia involved?
I have some trouble believing a retirement home facility would be so careless as to provide keys to someone w/o proper ID.