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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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So sorry about your sense of being overwhelmed. We do go through phases in this horrible illness, where things get too overwhelming and that helps us change. If your LO was ever military, we have found the V.A. the most helpful. Otherwise, we've found a part time caregiver here at this site: Care (dot) com. It is definitely worth signing up for the advanced program. We found someone only a few miles away and she's a dear. You will get all kinds of suggestions on this site and most are kind and good but do not be dismayed if you feel bossed around by those who are sure you need to shape up and get with the program. The only way to advance is on our own terms and at our own speed and with our own unique circumstances. The biggest revelation we've had is not to try to drag our LO out of their reality into ours, but to enter theirs and work with lies (fiblets) and redirection to help them maintain their dignity and sense of autonomy. Some advice might be so harsh that you may feel shamed. Do not give attention to that kind of advice. Just move on to the next. Bless you in this really hard time. Big hugs...
Rubygirl302: Welcome. It often gets overwhelming for one individual to take on dementia care; the patient then must enter managed care, where a team takes over.
Welcome to this tough road. My husband also has end stage dementia and I'm beyond exhausted. I send him to daycare 3x/week and it's a godsend. That's when I food shop,go to lunch,etc. Some of the aides there also private sit and I use them a few times a month for dinner with friends. I'm now looking at a small group home for placement. I would never place him in a nursing home! He's on hospice and I've had 2 respite with different facilities and they were both disgraceful neglectful. I have 2 choices because his disease is only going to gather harder for me and him . I can place him in a home or continue to lose my life slowly and live just to care for him. It may sound cruel but I've lost my life for the last 4 yrs. Please check out your options and good luck.
Welcome to this group. I’m very new here also. I care for my mother 💯 and yes it is a very hard responsibility. We all do this because we love our family member but it’s hard to do without also feeling frustration, loneliness and even anger at times. It’s also full of loving moments when my mother realizes what’s going on with her and like a child reaches out for understanding and reassurance. Take care of yourself - it’s something everyone will tell you, and it’s true. You need to find a way to recharge your battery - I got a caregiver to come for 4 hours on two afternoons and I go to meet a friend, run errands or some days just go in my room read or nap. It’s not enough but it helps. i hope you can find help and refuel -
My husband had Altzheimers. I would recommend getting help early rather than later. I waited too long and then had no time to look. I kept putting it off thinking I could do it or it’s not so bad. Well in hindsight it was bad and got worse. I pray you get the help you need. No doubt the hardest job I ever had. He passed away in Jan.
DeeDeeW, that is very good advice. It is incredible how long it takes to find resources and get appointments set up and by the time you do, your husband’s condition may have changed drastically. I have called it a roller coaster but for me it’s really been more like two stumbles forward, one stumble back and a couple hard jerks from side to side in between. That makes the progression easy to deny and a caregiver can so easily put off the inevitable need for help. DeeDee, I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I hope you will stay on the forum for those of us who can benefit from your perspective. Rubygirl, I’m right there with you!
Several people suggested contacting VA. Have you thought about your US Senator or Representatives. Sometimes pressure from several angles gets the VA moving. It’s worked for us.
My husband has vascular dementia as a result of two strokes (2016 and 2019). He is a Marine Vietnam veteran and I recently enrolled him in VA at age 78. He now attends day care (but we call it his support group - you don’t tell a Marine he’s going to day care!😊).
We started with Fridays (9-2) and he did so well, we now go on Wednesdays, too, same times, although he could stay longer if he wanted to, 5 hours is about right for him.
In addition to the time off for me, I also joined the VA Caregivers Support Group, which is also giving me wonderful support and some great information.
Check out all your options and you might want to call your Area on Aging for suggestions.
Dont loose hope. I care for my Father (100%) disabled retired Army and my mom who is my main task at the moment. Your husband should have an advocate with the VA. A social worker is assigned to each. I had to do research and many calls. The coalition for the aging may be a reference point. But the VA can tell you what he is eligible for. We have an online account that pulls everything up. Start by calling the VA ask for help to direct you. There are wonderful people available if you can get past the recordings and prompts to a person. You can do it.
In response to the day care it sounds like your husband may just need to rest at home. The day program was ok for a brief time for my mother one morning a week but it may be beyond what your husband requires.
HI, I am new to this group as well, just reading some of these questions and answers has helped me already. I too am caring for my husband who has alzheimers and was diagnosed with lung cancer about 4 months ago. He did go to about half of the chemo and radiation treatments before he quit. He has no systems regarding the cancer but the chemo has accelerated the Alz.
One of the hardest parts for me is support….I feel so isolated and have very little help. We did have an aide coming in but after going through savings and 401k I had to let her go. I am now going it alone and don’t feel I am doing a very good job. He is a Veteran but I have been fighting to get him covered since Feb! I have contacted hospice but they are needing copies of 3 doctors records and we all know they are slow in doing necessary paperwork.
Being on this forum I feel I can be heard and related to. Hang in there, life will get easier for us all.
You are correct Rubygirl....it is hard caring for a loved one with dementia. In fact it will be the hardest job you've ever done. Please make sure that you're hiring more folks to help you or try and get some volunteers from your church or from the Senior Center to come relieve you some, so you can get out and do things you need to and or enjoy, as you matter too in this equation. Also see if your city has an Adult Daycare Center, as that would be very helpful to you, as you can take your husband there up to 5 days a week and up to 8 hours/day. They will feed him breakfast, lunch and a snack, and will have different entertainment daily and perhaps even a spa day where they will give him a bath or shower and will shave him and even cut his hair if needed. And if money is an issue for the daycare, they do offer financial help, and if your husband is a veteran the VA will help pay for some of it as well. And other than this support group, I would see if your city offers a local support group for caregivers that meets in person(my preference)or on Zoom. I know that my local support group literally saved my life when I was caring for my now late husband. You will get through this and when it is all said and done, you will be a much more empathetic and compassionate person, and a whole lot stronger than when you started this journey. May the Lord bless you and keep you as you travel this very difficult road with your husband.
This is an excellent answer and I couldn’t have said it any better. Senior day care was an excellent option for my husband, he thought it was his “job”. It was great for him and gave me the respite I needed. By the time I picked him up, we had a short time before it was dinner and then bedtime. This routine would have lasted longer had not the pandemic shut everything down. I saw my late husband’s condition deteriorate rather quickly after that.
Hi Ruby, yes this is hard, impossible for one person to do , it takes a team, sometimes it takes a village. Welcome to are support group. When you get time fill out the profile, it makes it easier for us to answer your question, when we know more about you.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Welcome to are forum
Hi Rubygirl302, welcome to the forum. I’m sorry about your husband and also sorry that you are overwhelmed. How about an adult day care program? I’m not sure how far along his dementia is but maybe this could be an option. Also maybe volunteer help is available through a local church or senior center. I hope you find some help soon.
Have you asked for him to be evaluated by hospice ? Then you could have your husband go into respite care for a few days to give you a break . Medicare will pay for it . Hospice will also send to your home , an aide 2-3 days a week for bathing and changing bed sheets . A nurse will come check him once a week . It’s not a lot but maybe it will add to the little help you have now .
Or Have you considered placing him in a care home since he needs constant care ? It sounds like you may have reached your limit. Then you could visit him as much as you like , but can go home and rest as well . I’m sorry , this is very hard .
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You will get all kinds of suggestions on this site and most are kind and good but do not be dismayed if you feel bossed around by those who are sure you need to shape up and get with the program. The only way to advance is on our own terms and at our own speed and with our own unique circumstances.
The biggest revelation we've had is not to try to drag our LO out of their reality into ours, but to enter theirs and work with lies (fiblets) and redirection to help them maintain their dignity and sense of autonomy.
Some advice might be so harsh that you may feel shamed. Do not give attention to that kind of advice. Just move on to the next.
Bless you in this really hard time. Big hugs...
i hope you can find help and refuel -
DeeDee, I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I hope you will stay on the forum for those of us who can benefit from your perspective.
Rubygirl, I’m right there with you!
We started with Fridays (9-2) and he did so well, we now go on Wednesdays, too, same times, although he could stay longer if he wanted to, 5 hours is about right for him.
In addition to the time off for me, I also joined the VA Caregivers Support Group, which is also giving me wonderful support and some great information.
Check out all your options and you might want to call your Area on Aging for suggestions.
God bless you, Sweet Lady.
Was your husband in the service during the time of War?
One of the hardest parts for me is support….I feel so isolated and have very little help. We did have an aide coming in but after going through savings and 401k I had to let her go. I am now going it alone and don’t feel I am doing a very good job. He is a Veteran but I have been fighting to get him covered since Feb! I have contacted hospice but they are needing copies of 3 doctors records and we all know they are slow in doing necessary paperwork.
Being on this forum I feel I can be heard and related to. Hang in there, life will get easier for us all.
Please make sure that you're hiring more folks to help you or try and get some volunteers from your church or from the Senior Center to come relieve you some, so you can get out and do things you need to and or enjoy, as you matter too in this equation.
Also see if your city has an Adult Daycare Center, as that would be very helpful to you, as you can take your husband there up to 5 days a week and up to 8 hours/day.
They will feed him breakfast, lunch and a snack, and will have different entertainment daily and perhaps even a spa day where they will give him a bath or shower and will shave him and even cut his hair if needed.
And if money is an issue for the daycare, they do offer financial help, and if your husband is a veteran the VA will help pay for some of it as well.
And other than this support group, I would see if your city offers a local support group for caregivers that meets in person(my preference)or on Zoom.
I know that my local support group literally saved my life when I was caring for my now late husband.
You will get through this and when it is all said and done, you will be a much more empathetic and compassionate person, and a whole lot stronger than when you started this journey.
May the Lord bless you and keep you as you travel this very difficult road with your husband.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Welcome to are forum
Or Have you considered placing him in a care home since he needs constant care ?
It sounds like you may have reached your limit. Then you could visit him as much as you like , but can go home and rest as well . I’m sorry , this is very hard .