Loaded down with junk food. Any thoughts?
Having a real problem with my dad. Siblings keep bringing large boxes of cookies, soft drinks, candy etc. Now he will eat ' real food' normally, but after binging all day on the junk, he will not touch his dinner. The one that I spent an hour cooking. By that time he has eaten about thirty cookies, and had about four to five soft drinks, plus assorted crackers and candy. This is the count by 5 pm. They seem to think that since he is elderly that he should just eat and drink whatever he wants.
The doctor is concerned not only about the sugar content, but the sodium count too. (he has water retention sometimes and takes fluid pills every other day.) I try to give him flavored water - which he will drink if nothing else is available. I'm glad he has an appetite, but killing it with the junk is making my life more difficult, just trying to keep him somewhat healthy. Any thoughts on this? It's like I'm being made the bad guy for trying to get him to eat food - and I have no problem with having desserts at meals, or couple of light snacks through the day.
The “you’re no fun/they are old and have earned it” crowd have typically never...
- had to clean up chitapalooza after a food binge
- had an emergency middle of the night hospital run because of blood sugar issues
- had to hear the complaining of headaches, etc afterward
- had to worry about the food coma stupor and try to discern if it is just the food or a stroke or...
- had to lift the people that are indulging on to the toilet/into bed etc.
- had to keep an eagle eye over blood sugar levels for administering meds for diabetics
and the list goes on.
My take is that if you are self-reliant and in your right mind, have at it. But when it starts rocking the world of the people who are ALREADY EXHAUSTED taking care of someone, that is when both the elder and the family/friends need to find a different way of bringing comfort.
The next time they visit, meet them at the door with a big smile of welcome. Take the food from them and say, “Oh, thank you! I’ll take that. You go right in and see Dad!” Then take the food and lock it up if you have to in order to keep Dad out of it. When it piles up, donate it to a local food bank.
You can put out a few things for dad every day and he can eat what he wants when he wants but when it is gone that is it for the day.
There are magnetic locks that you can put on a cabinet door, they go on the inside and no one even knows they are there. You have a magnet "key" that you place over where the lock is and it opens.
I used to keep a box of my Husbands favorite cookie on top of the refrigerator and he would take as many as he could so I just started keeping 3 in the box. I would replace the 3 every day. But I always had fresh fruit in a bowl on the counter and he would eat fruit when he snacked.
Since your siblings do not respect your wishes to stop bringing the "junk" snacks as they pile up bag them and bring them to a food pantry. Food Banks always accept items like that as many people bring other items. (When I would take my Grandson to shop for our donations we would get pasta, sauce, beans, rice and he said we needed to include cake mix or brownie mix because every one likes dessert!)
When my grandson was fighting me on a single "no-thank you" bite of brocolli, I whipped out my mobile and looked up pictures of emaciated children from a famine. I told him there's people in the world who are literally dying to eat a piece of broccoli. Now he has at least 1 bite of "no-thank you" foods, and even likes broccoli. My point is maybe you should look up pictures on the mobile of people who've had feet and legs amputated from diabetes and show that to his "loving" children and ask them if this is what they want for their father cuz that's where it's going and once he's in a wheelchair he'll also be living in a LTCF? And, if my family were blatantly ignoring and disrespecting my pleas to stop bringing him those foods only, I'd march their gifts right into the garbage in full sight of them. It's their disrespect that is bothersome. Let them know what it feels like to be openly dissed. When they complain, whip out the mobile pics. Also, I like the "doctor's orders" angle in combo with this. Good luck!
You have tried explaining, gentle persuasion, putting things out of sight etc, and it doesn’t work. It sounds that your only option for change is to toughen up yourself. Do the ‘nasty’ things to your rellies. Make it clear that as soon as he goes into a wheelchair he will have to go into care for the sake of your own health – or does one of the rellies want to take over? Or just sit, stop worrying, let it all happen, and make plans for what to do when it becomes unbearable for you.
What not to do is to worry and make yourself unhappy, but not to anything tough to stop it all.
DH got home late from work. I had gone to bed, but woke up about 2 am--went to the kitchen and ALL the cookies were gone. Man had eaten 14 HUGE chocolate cookies. I took the plate in to him (he was still up) and said "Um, where are the cookies for the X family?" He said "I couldn't help myself. But if it makes you feel better I drank 2 big glasses of milk." No, that didn't make ME feel better. He has been diabetic and after 2 heart attacks, lost 60 lbs and was no longer considered 'active' diabetic, and he's back to eating garbage. Needs to lose 40 lbs and knows how to do it---but he'll eat anything sugary that's not nailed down.
So, unlike the other day, I make cookies and hide them or take them out of the house completely. He eats the crappiest candy I get for the g-kids--he ate half a bag of stale Easter candy (must have been left from last year, it was awful) yesterday and had a terrible headache from it.
YOU can control dad's sugar intake. Tell your sibs no more treats or sugary sodas. Just: No. Figure out what he CAN and WILL eat that isn't pure sugar and give them a list.
A healthy snack in mid afternoon would be fine, but eating all day--which my DH does if he's home, throws off his actual meal time, and there I sit with dinner I made and he goes "oh, I stopped at Costco on the way home to get ink cartridges and got a hot dog and drink there. I'm not hungry." But 4 hrs later he IS and so he has to reheat the nice dinner I made him.
How does your dad do with breakfast and lunch? DH is OK until about 3 pm and then the binging begins.
If you can let him know he can have ONE snack about 3, and make it last for a while, he'll be fine. Nobody died from not getting a box of Little Debbie oatmeal pies and eating them all in one sitting. Plenty have died from eating garbage all day, everyday.
Compromise. The ONLY change DH made, which really did help a lot, was switching to sugar free sodas and green tea. He won't drink plain water, either.
And be very grateful you are not caring for him solely by yourself!!
Diet Rite sodas have 0 sodium, health food stores offer dried fruit and some vegetables with no or little sodium that make excellent crunchy snacks. Jello, fruit, and even pudding cups are tasty snacks. There's even some low sodium cheese my grandfather loved on his grits. Does you father like raisins, grapes, apple slices, strawberries, cantaloupe, cucumbers and tomatoes? Could your siblings take the time to prepare servings in disposable snack cups? Bake some low sodium cookies? Air pop some popcorn? Bring some healthy choice frozen meals?
Emphasize reducing sodium and sugar in as many baseline foods as possible means your father can continue to enjoy limited amounts of high sodium/carbohydrate foods for a longer time without any bad health impacts.
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