My dad just got home from two spinal surgeries. Lower laminectomy and TLIF. He is walking fine and the pain that was radiating to his legs is gone which is wonderful because he couldn't walk without a walker before and only from the bed to the bathroom and back because the pain was so bad.
Naturally the surgical area is super painful right now. No matter how many videos we watch for this simple log roll technique he tenses up and wants me to tell him exactly what to do. And I feel like I'm twisting him which he's not supposed to twist and I'm terrified of damaging the area or opening it up or keeping the fusion from healing correctly. Then when he actually is in the bed it's another 1/2 hour of trying to get his pillows right or adjusting, him which hurts, and he's really not complaining he just wants to be a little comfortable.
We have a visiting nurse coming tomorrow and then pt etc so I know we will get more instruction (my brother showed me, as he was at the hospital while I was home with mom to do her gtube feedings. She had a surgery in September that resulted in 6 weeks at the hospital and rehab and swallow issues with me being there 8 to 12 hours a day--that situation is finally improving ) but right now I haven't slept at my own house in 4 days, and I'm depressed and crying. My brothers have both been wonderful but they work full time.
I can't leave my mother here alone with him at night. She doesn't have the strength to help him up. I know this should be temporary but I'm also going to have to move them in about 3 weeks bc their apt needs to be gutted due to water damage from frozen pipes and have been packing them up for that and still don't know where to that will be appropriate for their health and his recovery.
So I guess the question is how much damage can I do to him with this getting in and out of bed. The rest is just a super crying vent.
Just what I was thinking!
"She had a surgery in September that resulted in 6 weeks at the hospital and rehab and swallow issues with me being there 8 to 12 hours a day--that situation is finally improving ) but right now I haven't slept at my own house in 4 days, and I'm depressed and crying. My brothers have both been wonderful but they work full time."
So they work 8 hours a day and you are working 8 to 12 hours a day. You should count the overnight hours, too. How did you get stuck being the in-home rehab facility, first for your mother and very soon for your father, too?
Can't they take leave via the FMLA (if their companies are big enough to require it)? Vacation time? Why is it all on you?
If you are depressed and crying, that is a strong indication that you have too much on your plate. YOU COUNT, TOO.
https://youtu.be/ep6hJwhMOJM
https://youtu.be/eR8H_JvrQXM
Try these. Try looking for videos under CNA training or Occupational Therapy.
PS it's ok to have a cry 😥
PPS Sounds like your family have very high expectations of your home support? Of you being a rehab facility?
You are way in over your head and drowning. Please look into placing them both in care where professionals, who are trained to look after them, can do all the tasks properly.
You have tried. That’s enough.
Is there a reason Dad wasn't sent to SNF or rehab? I worry this may be too much for you both at home. I sure wish you luck and hope for an update after tomorrow's RN visit.
An SNF rehab was discussed but honestly he's not an easy patient and I just would have been fielding calls in the middle of the night from him. Mom has multiple health issues but they are both now mobile and cognitively ok. I'm not sleeping over anymore. They can do their ADL's. We have engaged elder services to assist with housekeeping, grocery shopping and they will try the meal delivery. It really takes a long time to get these services all lined up! I started the process weeks ago.
I recognize that I need to start now looking into more permanent care now before it becomes an emergency. I have an inquiry into a service that discusses how moving from Medicare to Medicaid or combo works but no response so I need to follow up on that. They have very little in assets (no home) so would be eligible quickly for medicaid and home nursing if needed. But I know I won't have the bandwidth to handle that if they need more care.
Someone asked how I became the person doing all of this. I retired in May. So I don't have a full time job (haha). My brothers both work jobs that are "hands on" one road construction and the other food services so there is no working from home for them. They have done what they can when they can and are very involved in other aspects (my brother makes my mom who has the swallow issues amazing soups and brings wonderful food regularly for dad and me!, the other one was in the hospital with dad so I didn't have to go there and has been moving all the stuff for their relocation) and I have no issues with that. I'm grateful to be able to have the time to coordinate this stuff. I would have taken FMLA or had to quit in September so the timing was good in terms of when I left my job,
But yes I sometimes feel like my husband and I are ships passing in the night and all the community work I planned has been put on hold. It's like that movie "Everything, Everwhere all at Once" especially with the apartment issues I mentioned (looking at a 55 + apt with them today to house them for several months while their apt is renovated. I cannot take them into my home and I'm not going to do the guilt thing with that, we'd all be miserable).
Soooo... Onward! A peaceful day to all.
Please change out those G-words. Guilt is for evil doers and malevolent people causing harm with malice aforethought, and that isn't you. For you the proper G-word is GRIEF. You are grieving that you are not capable of doing what a god could do, what a fairy with a wand could do. That you have limitations and you are watching someone you love suffer, and are feeling helpless and hopeless. That is WORTH grieving.
Words matter, esp the words we use to accuse ourselves. You didn't create this and you cannot fix it. My heart out to you.
Basically log rolling side to side in bed - hips & shoulders stay in alignment - turn at the same time. He can bend a leg to roll himself. Eg bend left leg & you place your hands on his left shoulder & left hip & gently push him onto his right side. He may like a pillow between his knees when side lying & another behind his back to prevent rolling back.
Getting from lying to sitting is a bit tricky. I'll look for a video.
I've never dealt with what you've described but I'm sure the good people on this site will come through for you. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you are having so much to deal with.
Take Care!
There is no going from Medicare to Medicaid. Medicare is Health insurance. You must apply at 65 for it or there may be penalties if you do at a later time. You have it till you die. It covers Rehab after a Hospital stay but it doesn't cover Assisted Living, Memory Care or Long-term care. You also have to have worked a number of years to get it. A spouse who did not work can collect on the other spouses earnings. Its Federal.
Medicaid is State. It is federally subsidized and basic federal guidelines/criteria but each State has the ability to set up additional criteria. Basically there is an asset cap that can't be gone over and a monthly income cap you can't go over. For a single person in my state the asset cap is 2k, the monthly income cap is $2523. So assets other than Social Security and pension need to be spent down. For the income cap there are trusts call Miller ir Qualifying income if you go over the cap.
Your parents will always have Medicare. If they are placed in Long-term care, Medicaid will pay their share and your parents Social Security and any pension will go towards offsetting the cost of their care. Medicaid provides Healthcare and that may be their secondary insurance. So if they need to see a doctor or go to the hospital, Medicare is Primary and medicaid pays what Medicare doesn't. Medicaid also provides dental, vision and prescriptions.