My dad is 92 and lives with my mom at an independent senior facility. My sister and I are very involved to allow them to have their apartment they enjoy there. My dad has always been very active always working a couple of jobs and his own businesses. When the newsletter came out and said they were looking for volunteers to run the very small store in the building he jumped at the opportunity. For a week he made trips to the front desk looking for Stella to sign up when he finally found her she told him she did not need any help. Unknown to him I called the director and asked why they ask for volunteers and then turn them down. The store is an activity to let residents ..”have a job”. Never got a call back but left my message and the next day he got a call that they could use his help after all.
Dad wears hearing aids, has very limited vision, needs a walker for mobility. And does a lot of cat napping. The store is actually a very small room with a few things like toothpaste, etc . There are only a couple of volunteers so if no one is in there the door stays open and the woman next door to it leaves her door open to keep an eye on it if anyone should come up. Yesterday Stella came to him and said we really need to watch out for shoplifters and I think sometimes you fall asleep so I don’t think I need your help.
Am I too oversensitive? I watch him lay out his clothes one day a week for his “ job day “ (1 hour) brought home their price list so he could enlarge it so he could see it . Now at 92 he has been “fired” for the first time in his life after working since he was 12 yo. at a volunteer position. He said don’t worry about it but I am so angry! I did not expect this at a facility that he pays to live that is supposed to be about providing the seniors with experiences and opportunities to keep them active.
should I say something or am I being too sensitive?
If Dad says let it go, let it go. Don't be a helicopter daughter. I think Stella's a problem, so perhaps you could talk to someone other than her about volunteer opportunities that might be a better fit for Dad.
I think your father is well out of this so-called job, because I suspect what he's accidentally stepped in is a mess of a clique - Stella and her little friends who have their little shop. If the door is left open with nobody there at all, just Stella keeping an eye from her own apartment, then it's plain ridiculous to blame the shoplifting on your father's occasional forty winks - if indeed he's even taken them when he's on duty.
Get in touch with the facility and see what other volunteer activities they might like to consider, only ideally with better supervision. Book stall? Plant sales? There are endless possibilities.
Ask if there are other "jobs" that can be done.
Walking another resident to a meal.
Putting a note on a residents door that they have a package at the main desk.
BUT
If he says not to worry about it don't stress. It is like a mom who's child did not get picked for a game on the playground.
I think Stella didn't want him there in the first place and is making her prejudices the reason for getting rid of him. He's well out of it.
Maybe he cat naps because he has nothing better to do. Well, Stella will be gone. So just forget about her but I may talk to someone. Make it more of a question, not an accusation. More like input for the next person who gets the job.
Since he has said to let it go, I think that I would not pursue it further, although I can see how you would be disappointed that this didn’t work out in his favor. Is there something else at his apartment that he may be able to get involved with? What does he like to do? What types of hobbies or jobs has he had in the past?
BUT, you and your sister intervened and Stella was probably told to 'hire him.'
Your father was happy but still unable to perform the necessary tasks.... and was fired.
DONT get all teary because this is the first time he's been fired. Laugh about it--Wow Dad, can you believe you got your first pink slip at 92?!!!!! LOL with him.
BUT, ask Stella or the Administrator if there is a Job/task that he would be capable of doing. Delivering packages, counting supplies, they can find an official job for him.
DO be so grateful that your dad is still active. Besides, don't we all get to the stage where we either want or actually take catnaps?
IT's not about you, hon.
This 'ere "store" is not a store, it is an enrichment activity that also stocks toothpaste. Forget workers' comp, shoplifting, or key performance indicators on customer service. The idea is to combine having a few essentials available for residents and visitors to buy, with an opportunity for resident volunteers to socialise and enjoy a sense of purpose for a few hours a week.
I used to - still do, in theory, though Covid's been a problem - volunteer at the refreshment bay in our local hospital's cancer unit, which in normal times provides hot drinks and snacks for outpatients and their friends-and-families as well as light lunches for patients in the chemo suite. I did my regular few hours there on my own but many of the volunteers were much older and less physically able, and they generally worked in pairs. I can't vouch for their coffee - I know mine was terrible because one man told me so, in a philosophical tone of voice, as he folded a £10 note and pushed it into our donations piggy bank - but I am certain that they were landmarks for visitors and the unit was incredibly important to them.
Where there's a will there's a way, and for an Activities Co-Ordinator to be "firing" a volunteer on the grounds that he hasn't been catching enough criminals, or even that he nodded off in an empty room with no customers (if he did), shows a marked lack of interest in engaging with this gentleman and supporting his potential to contribute. Stella is rubbish at her job. I'm glad she's leaving.
It is SO OFTEN “NOT the WORDS you’ve said, BUT HOW YOU SAID THEM”.
Your Dad’s problem is going to solve itself in two weeks because the “high powered executive store manager” will be gone anyway.
In your situation I’d contact the person who oversees the whole operation (the director?) and very neutrally ask if it would be possible for the NEXT store manager (was she supposed to be an activities coordinator???) to design some activities that were not QUITE so surveillance intensive and time sensitive so that your father “who is SO HAPPY and CONTENTED HERE in this BEAUTIFUL FACILITY” could be included in some useful way.
You might also casually mention that you’d enjoy offering your support so that something could be found that he could accomplish more confidently.
Using the right language can make or break a situation. In this case the “expert” blew it. A carefully phrased expression of interest may help your dad and OTHERS who’d like to become part of activities as well.
HOPE this helps!
At my father-in-law's indy living building, there are loads of committees e.g. food committee that surveys residents about whether or not they like the menu, and many clubs e.g. current events club, movie club, etc. One woman is a painter and she started teaching a painting class and they have an exhibit at the end of the course.
Forget Stella and her BS store. It sounds like your dad is still sharp. Help your dad find something else to do or help him start something of his own. More and more newspapers and books are available in large print on e-readers. Make sure his hearing aids are working and batteries are fresh.
Good for your dad for being interested in living!
Based on his physical limitations, perhaps "minding the store" was not the best fit for him - even though it was a volunteer job. He might have been an accident waiting to happen. I'm sure there is some other useful activity that he can do at the facility.
BTW - if we live long enough, we will ALL get to the point where we are unable to do what we used to do with ease. Your dad has certainly gotten to that point.
One woman thought she ran the building by being in charge of virtually all of the programs. When I spoke up to take on one, I was left a threatening note.
Like your father's facility, the staff all spoke to us as though we were all demented. We were talked down to, patronized and blown off. One woman stalked me to the point of my calling the police and they told her to desist or they had told me to file an order of protection against her!
The only sanity I found was one fantastic woman and my volunteering with the local hospice. I lasted 18 months and feel blessed that I was mentally, physically and financially able to move out of there. My buddy there called the other day to say she misses me. It's actually worse now!
All that said, is there a senior center nearby that you could arrange your dad to get to? They are much better at dealing with seniors, and engaging activities. He might find some men to chat with as well. Men NEVER want to do this but I always suggested that they go for a few times a week for one month. Nearly all discovered that they actually like it. Women generally have made social connections in the past, where men had work and their wives, so this is a big step. Many senior centers plan day trips and are used to folks using adaptive equipment so that should not prohibit his participation.
Sadly, independent living complexes are just apartment buildings which happen to have seniors living in them. The staff rarely are trained in senior issues. Good for you for advocating. Just be cautious it doesn't blow back on your dad.
Good luck
Best wishes to you!
Perhaps ask the activities director to start a movie discussion group ( many may have difficulty reading). The idea about a senior center may be good, but they do seem to be female focused with lots of crafts.
Unfortunately, my mother is quite happy sitting in her lovely apartment and watching t.v. all day. When I come over, I have to be her entertainment as well as hear all about her aches and pains.
I went to a couple to check them out walked around w a drector. One of them
was a bit too obvious she was dying to get my money -I let her know I didn’t have a lot of time that day and asked if I could take a look around, she tried to get me in her office after to talk about finances. I reminded her I only came to see what they offer and thanked her for her time, made the mistake of giving her my number but that proved my point as well bc she called me four days in a row after leaving me multiple messages when I wanted to come in and put a deposit on a room. The other place wasn’t quite as obvious but yeah the director also called me several times and sent emails. I’m honestly so sorry to hear how this place was more concerned about your dad missing a senior potentially taking a bottle of toothpaste and “fired” him
from a job that meant a lot for his self esteem. I would look at any possible way you can have family take turns taking care of them at home where at least they’ll be cared for loved and given dignity
if Stella decides who goes where, maybe have some class & compassion, maybe she s the one who needs to be fired …
Or, have your Dad operate his own store.
Bring a few items and let him sell from his room.
Or, you might think of something he could do like go around to the others and ask them if they need anything.
Maybe he could start up a Bingo or something else in his room and invite a few of the residents.
Maybe he could just go around and dust whenever he feels like it.
Maybe you could bring a couple dozen inexpensive flowers and let him make little cheer cards and pass them out to make people smile.