Looking for something for my mom to do during the day?

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Looking for something for my mom to do during the day?

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She's physically disabled and slightly mentally disabled (number processing and some mild memory issues). She wants to get a job, but I don't want that to affect her Medicaid since I worked so damn hard to get it and it covers all her medical, eye, and dental bills. I asked her if she would rather volunteer somewhere to make a real difference since she has the financial capacity to do so. She said whatever as long as she has something meaningful to do.

So what would be a good option for my mom who needs help going to the bathroom and walking/transferring to wheelchair?

In my dream world, she'd go to an adult day center so they could care for her daily needs but she could help the nurses and aids out by helping the really old folks with puzzles, games, activities, etc. My mom owned an assisted living in her hay day, so she'd be so good at helping the old folks at the adult day center while still receiving care. Originally she wouldn't go because she didn't want to feel like she was at day care, but if the workers there could get her involved maybe my mom wouldn't feel like she was babysat??

What have you done for your loved ones who are still "all there" but are too disabled for a normal job??

Disabled Living Independently Mom

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Buy her an ipad and she wont even notice that you are in the house.

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I'd suggest giving the folks at the adult day program a call and talking with them about the possibility of her attending. See what they say about how they incorporate people as "helpers" who might otherwise be loathe to go. I worked almost 5 years at adult day programs in my 20's and we did this a lot!

You could also see if there is a volunteer program in your area--like a Retired Senior Volunteer Program, branch of Volunteers of America, or a local Community Action Agency that has a volunteer center. If you don't know where/how to find any of these resources, you can search on the national eldercare locator (eldercare . acl . gov); you can search by city/state, ZIP code, and then by topic--there is a topic on volunteerism.

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Please talk to her pastor as perhaps, if she can get there, there would be something for her to do, e.g. bulletin sorting.

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Looks like you already know the answer, an who would know better than you. l'm sure they could make your mom feel appreciated for all tbe help she would be giving to the ole folks.

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Adult Day Health sounds like a good fit for her. Hope a good one near you!

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Is she able to read aloud or better yet help a little one to read? Perhaps she could have a couple "book buddies" to meet with once or twice a week. Elderly and children mixing activities used to happen when multi-generations lived in the same home or next door, and the little ones, if they are anything like mine were, will love the easier pace and single-minded focus of the oldster. Other activities work too. My kids learned to play cribbage with the elderly neighbor across the street. Naturally, this would be supervised if the child is young. There are high schoolers looking for ways to volunteer to the community; they may have ideas that your parent may like....that would be engaging for them too.

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My mom had multiple strokes, and vascular dementia. She mostly used in electric scooter, and or a wheelchair. When they ask her, for Make-A-Wish, her wish was to have a job. So because she was on a closed unit, I started buying greeting cards for everyone on her floor. A few one day, a few another day, the rest another day. You can get them at the dollar store.
I would address them, write a little note, and the activities director would 'help' my mom deliver the mail everyday. They had a name tag made for her, and she was thrilled.
Not only did she have something to look forward to every day but she got to know everyone else on the unit, and vice versa, and everyone loved getting a card. It was a game changer.

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aj6044

If this facility is similar to what is called Adult Wellness in some other places, then you make a good point.

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If she is still active in her church, you could talk to the pastor to see if there are some tasks she can do for them. My MIL who was 93 when she passed in March had been helping her church with small tasks she could do at home until last year. Sometimes it was proofreading the program, helping update member info, etc. Is she able to join a social group like Red Hat Society? Or maybe check with the local lodges (Kiwanis, Lions, Elks) to see if they have programs she could volunteer to help with. I read a story about an older gentleman who volunteers at a local hospital in the nursery basically holding and feeding the babies receiving care. Animal rescues also sometimes need help at their shelters (not the county run facilities) to help socialize and care for animals. I volunteered with my husband at a Best Friends facility one weekend and spent three hours holding and playing with cats and kittens. There are lots of organizations that wouldn’t turn away help. Just my random thoughts.

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aj6044, you have a great idea and I think you should pursue it. We love our Adult day center and the participants love it here, too. We assess each person ongoing to see what they like to do and what they are capable of doing and we find them things to do that they like and that fulfill their needs to feel useful and engaged. Please check it out. We allow a free visiting day so that people can see what we do, the kind of people we have and see if they might like to try it. We have people that come 5 days/week, some 2 days, some 3 days. It's what works for the person and their family. It will alleviate the boredom of sitting around the house with nothing to do. Especially when the weather gets bad. Most of our people come on the transportation bus. They can come in their wheelchair and not have to try and get in and out of a car.

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If your mom can knit or crochet or sew, there are many opportunities for volunteering. Our local maternity hospital gives hand crafted blankets and hats to newborns, the senior center has a group that makes lap blankets for those in wheel chairs, there is a group that makes fun and fancy hats for women whose hair has fallen out due to medical treatment. Local churches have volunteers who go to the hospital and nursing homes to pray with the patients or residents who sign up to be contacted. Should your mom not be able to attend crafting meetings, there may be some folks who could come craft with her. Generally those who make crafts are a chatty, social bunch!

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A friend of mine placed her husband in Day Care and called it "work".
The arrangement she made with the staff is he would be given tasks (I forgot what his profession had been) that he was able to do. At the end of the day he would be given an envelope with cash in it. (My friend had given the envelope to the staff earlier in the morning.) He would take his "pay" and eventually my friend would get it back and give the same envelope to the staff the next time he was there. I think he was there 3 days a week.
As short staffed as some Memory Care facilities are you could check to see if they have a Day Care and she could help out as well as being tended to when she needed it. But any Adult Day Care would probably love to see someone so involved.

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You won't know if it is the best option until you give it a try. Sounds like many of us think it is worth pursuing.

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I think it's a great option. Give them a call and see if it can be worked out. They could have her hand out the bingo cards, and stuff like that. It wouldn't hurt to talk to them about it and your mom would be going to her "job" instead of feeling like she's being baby sat.

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Give it a try and see how it goes.

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Maybe there's a way to make her feel productive.... Folding napkins, or folding cardstock to make cards. At a facility I knew, visitors would make greeting and holiday cards by gluing the decorative fronts of used cards onto cardstock or construction paper. The visitors could then look at their work and feel productive. The facility sold these cards at a fraction of the cost of new cards. And people were happy to buy them!

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I think it's a great idea!
The cost is generally reasonable and your mom would get the assistance she needs for transfers and help out with the others. The day center that my mil goes to is in a facility but there are also those that come for the day.
We explained to her, as she does have dementia, that some need more help and some will be great for conversation, which is what she desires most.
I don't know, to be honest, where else your mom could get the care she needs with the experience she wants. I say go for it!

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Sad to say, but my hunch is that an adult day care center would not "allow" mom to help out on legal grounds.. Whether she would want to "pay" with money or with "help" the gist of my thinking is that if the facility would consent to her "helping" then they would be liable for any consequence of her interactions with other clients. Establishing a line between coaching with putting a puzzle together, chatting with a lonely client and, say, helping a client who has spilled some food while eating lunch, is very difficult, plus mom might just "do" little tasks that are best left to staff.

Grace + Peace,

Bob

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I manage and adult day care center and we have participants that have "jobs" they do, filling the bird feeders, rolling silverware in napkins, folding laundry, setting the table, picking up dishes, washing dishes, drying dishes, all things like that. They can do something or not do something, always as they wish to do. It helps them keep busy and feel useful. We have a retired nurses' aide who thinks she is at work, she is great at visiting with other people. There is no liability in giving people simple tasks, we make sure they want to do whatever it is, most will ask us for something to do. We also have many other activities going on, and helping someone else with playing a game, putting a puzzle together, can also be a fulfilling "job" for someone. The trick is to just assess the participant and of course, keep your eyes on what is going on. We have had our lady want to help someone to the bathroom, which, obviously would be a no no, I just say, "that's ok, I will help her", and it's ok.

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I think volunteering at the day care is a great idea, go ahead and make an appointment to sit down with the director to see if it is feasible!

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It's so nice that your mom wants to contribute her time and efforts. It's so important that our seniors feel valued and appreciated. Still, it's challenging to find a place that can accommodate the needs of someone with physical and mental disabilities and be responsible for them as a volunteer.

I used to visit the mother of one of my good friends in her nursing home. She would always ask me, in very serious way, if I knew if anyone who was hiring. She asked this before she went to the facility as well. I couldn't figure out just how she planned to work, since she was bound to a wheelchair and not able to care for herself. Later, I discovered that she was totally not able to work a job, (she had dementia) but, her mind was set on it and she would not give up on working again one day. I always took her crossword puzzles, and even if she couldn't do them anymore, she loved to get them.

When, my LO was in regular AL, the social director of the facility, would ask her to help out with handing out papers, keeping scores, etc. for their activities, in order to make her feel needed. I thought it was nice and it did help for awhile.

I hope you find some activities for your mother. Does she have a church that might help? Would she be able to cut out newspaper articles or coupons for others or for her church.

I saw a story on our local news that really inspired me. This senior gentleman VOLUNTEERED, to call everyone that he knew, (mainly church members) on their birthday and sang them Happy Birthday. It kept him pretty busy as he kept a log and he did this for many years! Everyone just LOVED it!

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Why subject her to a "facility"? Why not a neighborhood center, that helps those who may need food, or other assistance? Some have senior programs where she could get involved and have other seniors at or near her age to communicate with.

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An adult day center really isn't a facility. You don't live there. Her daily care needs are pretty extensive such as toileting and ambulating, so I thought volunteering at an adult day center would let her have care and a "job"

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I think it would be great for your mom to volunteer at a facility. However, you would have to meet with the director and explain her limitations to see if it’s doable. Since she would not be an official resident of the facility, Staff would not be allowed to assist her with transfers or toileting for insurance purposes. Maybe she could volunteer for just a few hours a day. Would it be possible to hire an aid to be with her for those few hours? If she has funds, she could pay for one.

You had a good idea with this. I always thought my sister-in-law should have volunteered at a facility. She is mentally challenged but was always so wonderful with the elderly.

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I think you misunderstood. The adult day center isn't a facility you live at. Adults go there for the day, get care, and return home at 5ish. My mom would qualify to be a volunteer and also a person who receives care. I just don't know if it's the best option.

Looking for something for my mom to do during the day?

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