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I don't know what to do either. She keeps telling him to get out of her house and she is not ready to go to a nursing home and I don't want to do that either. She barely remembers I am her daughter so I have to worry about my dad now, how do we explain to her it is both of their house and that is her husband

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Mindy, how sad for you and your Dad but this is dementia behavior. Try not to correct her or (in this situation) tell her it is both of their homes and that dad is her husband. I'm not sure if this would work for you, but each time I visited my Mom in memory care, I would walk in and say "Hi Mom, it's me, geewiz'.
Rather than tell her Dad is her husband, can you say --first name, Jim for example - is here to help you . Isn't he nice to do that? Posit it as an ally - someone she can count on.
Also, the alzheimer's organization (which also covers other dementias) has a 24/7 helpline you can call. 1.800.272.3900. Can you and Dad join support groups for this disease? You can find them on the Alzheimer's site alzdotorg
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This is the hard part of dementia. You have to remember that this is not your mom doing this, it is her brain. You can explain until the cows come home but she probably won't remember. My mom just fell and broke her pelvis and her back. Between the hospital abd the skilled nursing unit she had a side trip to the behavioral geriatric physc. Hospital. She is now on anti depressants and depakote. We did not want to use medicine either but things are so much better now with these drugs. Sometimes you have to ask yourself how much longer can this go on? Her Doctor should be told what is going on in the home. This is a hard time to go through but drugs may really help change things around.I try to remember the word ARE. Never argue, reason, or explain to the dementia loved one. I'm sure lots of others here will give you better advice. This was just what worked at our house.😄
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For us this behavior only worsened with time. Our mom began to make life impossible for our dad. Emotionally he could not decide to move her to assisted living. He would want to, then change his mind. We did what we could to keep them separate, letting her live with us, but she wanted him out of her house. She may have accepted her own home or apartment, but wasnt fit to live alone. When she stayed with us she only wanted to go home and see if dad was there or the "other guys". So sad, and then dad became so sick and passed away suddenly. I hope you have some legal control now to help make decisions for your father and spare him this pain. Spare him from having to make the hard decisions, it may be a relief to him.
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Mindy, your Mom might have an Urinary Tract Infection where the symptoms can mimic that of dementia, plus make the patient angry, uncooperative, etc. This type of infection is very common in the elderly, and antibiotics help correct the situation.

If Mom has a UTI and it is cleared up, and she is still acting this way, then it sounds like dementia is now part of her life.

Learn all you can about Alzheimer's/Dementia https://www.agingcare.com/alzheimers-dementia
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Your poor poppa! And poor you. And poor, poor mother. It's just awful to think of the confusion and fear that's making her behave like this, and your poor father must feel completely helpless.

I will cross my fingers tightly that the uti FF mentions as a possibility proves to be a factor and treating it will help settle your mother down. Unfortunately, though, if this behaviour is emerging as part of her dementia then it will be back sooner or later, uti or no uti; so start looking at your options now.

I do honestly understand that neither you or your father is happy to think of "locking her away." But if it's going to be necessary for both her and his safety then it's better to try to get ahead of the game and find her the right place, with the right support, while there is still an earthly chance of her being admitted as a functioning person with some ability to relate to the people around her.

Meanwhile, do not attempt to convince your mother that the "strange man" is her husband and lives in the house. You will only alienate and anger her further. Look up Teepa Snow for techniques; but broadly speaking you want to aim to reassure her that it's ok for the strange man to be there because... [insert reason that she can accept, such as that he's come to help maintain the house or whatever might apply in their case]; and divert her attention to a new subject. If she doesn't always fail to recognise him then you may find that after a while she accepts his presence again. He will need to figure out some routines that work for him, too.

There is a saying that "if you know one person with dementia, you know one person with dementia" - so other people's advice, however accurate and based on experience, is bound to be limited in terms of its practical helpfulness to you and your parents right now. But please be encouraged that you will find approaches that work for you and your father, and you will become the expert on your mother. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, please come back and update us.
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