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And she is just sad and disinterested. I have moved in with her. I make an effort to cheerful and encouraging. I am at a loss to know how to get her out of her funk. Makes me sad. Help
The symptoms described seem typical of stroke patients. Once I had dinner with a friend and her husband who was recovering from a stroke. When she left the table, he begged me to help him die.
Have you seen the film about Patricia Neal's recovery from her stroke. It's inspiring and unfortunately doesn't seem typical of what happens with elderly patients. Full recovery is unlikely, however the depression can lift in time.
You can't fix your mother. Let your love show, comfort her and at the same time separate your own emotions from her symptoms of disease. Get help form her doctor if possible, and perhaps join a support group even if it's online like this one. Blessings to you both.
Will she see her doctor? After my mom's stroke--after which she developed vascular dementia, something you should as about--her rehab doc prescribed an antidepressant. Mom had always refused them in the past, but because mom was completely incapacitated at the time, we were able to say yes. The pity party that had been going on for several years slowly evaporated and we got our old "can do" mom back. It's worth a discussion with her doctor. If she won't go, send him a letter outlining your concerns. And take care of yourself!
My mother had stroke and mildone. She had to learn howto walk again twice. She has some mild type depression because she lost my father. Some days she cry out for the lost . She some time want walk or exercises either. I have to stay on her. Make her walk to restroom. This goes with the disease after the stroke.
My Mom is 91 and now living with us so I see her every moment that she is awake. What she used to enjoy and what she now enjoys is different . What she used to do and what she now does is different. How she used to react to various situations and how she now acts is different. I think these changes are due to a number of aging-related limitations she has had to deal with. Dementia is a major factor, but hearing loss and immobility issues are also huge. She has stated many times that she is ready to die and almost "looking forward to the next chapter of her existence" ! It certainly isn't how I feel about my life , but then I'm not 91 and I don't have to deal with her medical issues. We all want our parents to be happy and look forward to each new day but sometimes I think we need to respect their right to say "ENOUGH ! I'm ready to go" and love them enough to not tell them they are wrong and should be and think like we do.
I agree that your Mom should be evaluated for depression, if she hash;t already been. I can't tell by your note to what extent your Mom is not functioning. However, in nursing, we would use the positive approach. For example, put her meal in front of her, put a spoon in her hand and encourage her to eat. Or in the shower give her a wash cloth and encourage her to wash her face while you wash her back. Praise her for any small efforts. Let her know how much her small efforts help you. It doesn't always work, but is always worth a try. It doesn't always work at first, but it gives her an idea of your expectations.
My MIL was depressed but did not want to be a burden. Even got to the point that she could fold my clean clothes while she sat up, which was a big help.
Any time someone has a serious medical condition, be it a stroke, heart attack, cancer, war injury, etc. we need to find a new *normal* way of life and it is not easy.
It's taken me 4 years to finally accept my new normal, and it was quite a struggle after having breast cancer. My Dad is still trying to find a new normal after 5 years after having a heart attack... he had to stop driving and he hates that.
Very normal to be depressed after this! my friends mum had a triple bypass and suffered a stroke during the op she came out in Oct and only started going out again now since march SO give her time they do get depressed after something like this i even got very depressed and wouldnt go out after i hit my head. She probably feels scared alone now which is natural but she will recover. my mum had a seizure lucky i was here when it happened i thought she would never go outside again but she did a few months later give her time in the meantime go with her and encourage her dont worry i never thought my mum would recover and she did its fear and depression when anything happens the brain it can cause depression!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Have you seen the film about Patricia Neal's recovery from her stroke. It's inspiring and unfortunately doesn't seem typical of what happens with elderly patients. Full recovery is unlikely, however the depression can lift in time.
You can't fix your mother. Let your love show, comfort her and at the same time separate your own emotions from her symptoms of disease. Get help form her doctor if possible, and perhaps join a support group even if it's online like this one. Blessings to you both.
I can't tell by your note to what extent your Mom is not functioning.
However, in nursing, we would use the positive approach. For example, put her meal in front of her, put a spoon in her hand and encourage her to eat. Or in the shower give her a wash cloth and encourage her to wash her face while you wash her back. Praise her for any small efforts.
Let her know how much her small efforts help you.
It doesn't always work, but is always worth a try.
It doesn't always work at first, but it gives her an idea of your expectations.
My MIL was depressed but did not want to be a burden. Even got to the point that she could fold my clean clothes while she sat up, which was a big help.
It's taken me 4 years to finally accept my new normal, and it was quite a struggle after having breast cancer. My Dad is still trying to find a new normal after 5 years after having a heart attack... he had to stop driving and he hates that.
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