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How are they managing their medications?
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Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Yup. Fortunately my mom is able to sleep now when I'm off. She doesn't want to be a pain to my hubby, even in her current mental state she would razer freeze solid than need his help with the potty or anything.
Don't tell her I said it but she's starting to rmeind me of my one housecat. He meows his butt off for me but apparently when I leave the house he bothers no one else. She and he are the same.
She doesn't like me out of sight but if I tell her and then leave her a note (even though I'm only like 10' away) she remembers. I know one day the notes might not work. But also, I'm not sure if we'll ever make it that far ahead. They still don't know exactly why she's dealing with this mental stuff and as she's on hospice no one is really thinking it is important enough to move her around to check, so we're just trying to keep her comfortable, safe, and 'at peace' here. that's what she says sometimes, she just wants to be at peace and watch TV without having to struggle for the things she'd been struggling to do alone for so long with COPD. Her major fear now is losing her breath as it is very hard for her to get it back.
It is probably her anxiety that is making her need the re-assurance of your presence. It is less a surveillance of your activities than her own insecurity in being alone.
bjdoyle: It's unclear to me whether your mother perceives you to be staying away or in all actuality, you leave to do errands perchance for short periods of time. Perhaps more information is needed and thank you in advance for that.
bjdoyle, it is not uncommon when a parent moves in or a grown child moves in with a parent, that the parent/child dynamics come into play.
Once again your Mom is now the "parent" and you are once again the "child". As with any parent, they are going to ask a child where are you, when are you coming home, and where have you been.
My mother had her own suite but for started spending more and more time in our house. At first I thought she didn’t think *I* should be alone, as she come in the moment the kids left for school and my husband started working. She’d spend hours complaining about perceived slights, many from 50+ years ago. If I managed to sneak out to the grocery store or dentist, I’d return to find a nasty note from her. (I was raised that only parents have boundaries.) Her time here increased, which was selfish and ridiculous. Example: She’d want to nap on *our* couch once our children got home from school, then complain that they and our dogs disturbed her. Her need to be with me became all day, every day. Then she demanded “unfettered access to me day and night”. Finally, she wrote a suicide note and tried to kill herself, because I refused to leave my husband and children. They interfered with our time together and she resented them. I used the incident to call EMS, get her assessed and into care.
This transition took place over a decade. Now she no longer recognizes me when I visit. Which is a relief.
I knew my mother had dementia (although she argued vehemently that she was fine and refused any treatment) and her assessment showed that she was far worse than I imagined. Had no idea where she lived, the year, her age, nor could she identify the grandchildren she practically lived with.
I’m here to warn you of how it played out for us. Your mother is not going to snap out of it or recognize her selfish behaviour and change. If any, ANY, opportunity presents itself for an assessment, jump at it! This kind of thing gradually increases and we often put up with its increments. Until we are totally consumed.
I've been living with my mom and have been her primary caregiver for 5 1/2 years. She has dementia and is not very mobile.
Every time I leave to go anywhere (even just out the door into the yard) she asks where I'm going and when I'll be back. When I tell her when I'll be back, she says "I'll bet." It's really like being a teenager again, with her having to know my every move, and it does get annoying.
I don't leave her by herself unless it's just for a few minutes, but she MUST always know exactly where I'm going, and why. When I tell her, after she says "I'll bet" she responds with more questions. I think in one respect she's delaying me leaving, and also is anxious about me leaving.
If I have to go to the store (pretty much the only place I go these days), someone is always there with her. But I can also check in on her on my phone through the camera I have set up to watch her when she's in her chair. This is really relieves my mind if I'm out longer than I'd planned and I start to worry.
Yep. My mother has been living with me for 5 years and she is never alone. When I leave, a sitter is with her.
Nevertheless, she is very obsessed with me and where I am at all times. When I'm out, she will yell my name non-stop to the point that the sitter will head for the door lickety split when I get home because there is no satisfying my mother.
She will also declare that I have no right to be gone "this long".
Same thing when I'm at home. Non stop calling my name and demanding that I meet her demands immediately. Day and night.
Honestly I've never met anyone as selfish. She had a very toxic, enmeshed relationship with my now-deceased twin brother and she now has transferred her emotional needs onto me. I cannot meet her emotional needs and I refuse to take it on. I force boundaries. It's like she wants us to be one person - or me to be an extension of her instead of my own person. Ugh. I could go on and on.
This may be off the wall, shoot me down if so. I see people wandering through the grocery store chatting desultorily with someone on the phone. (Never their baby in the cart!)I mean like saying the onions don't look good! They use those ear phone thingies. I wonder if chatting desultorily with an anxious elder would be helpful? Disregard this, obviously, if her situation is unsafe when you are not present.
Dementia/Alzheimer's means your mother cannot go unsupervised for a second as it it no longer safe for her. Looks like memory care time or necessary placement into a facility.
And, your need a break from your caregiving duties.
Are you staying away? Or is mom confused with dementia? You don't give enough details to get good comments. If you're leaving mom alone bc she's ruining things, as you said in your profile, then get her in home caregivers or placed in Memory Care Assisted Living because a dementia patient shouldn't be left alone. If you're not leaving her alone and she's confused, wanting you by her side 24/7, that can lead to burn out in a N.Y. minute. If the living arrangements aren't working out the way you thought they would, what can you do to change things?
Is she able to manage on her own: fetch a drink, snack, manage toileting?
Does she carry a mobile/cell phone? Could she call EMS if she fell? Have a falls alarm? Know how to use it?
How is her memory?
My Mom can repeat "back in 2 hours" or whatever time frame Dad has said he will be gone. But she will ask on repeat for 2 hours when is he coming back? Anxious ++
To me it appears she cannot *feel* the time, cannot feel the concept of the current time or how much time has passed. So 10 mins feels like forever (similar to little children).
When elders reach the stage of not being able to be left alone, in-home sitters are needed. Alternatively, elder day care a few days a week (to allow the caregiver some free time) or even consider residential aged care living.
If your Mom has Dementia this is par for the course. I read ur profile. If this is getting too much for you place her in Memory Care if she has the money. If not, find a nice Longterm facility and apply for Medicaid.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Don't tell her I said it but she's starting to rmeind me of my one housecat. He meows his butt off for me but apparently when I leave the house he bothers no one else. She and he are the same.
She doesn't like me out of sight but if I tell her and then leave her a note (even though I'm only like 10' away) she remembers. I know one day the notes might not work. But also, I'm not sure if we'll ever make it that far ahead. They still don't know exactly why she's dealing with this mental stuff and as she's on hospice no one is really thinking it is important enough to move her around to check, so we're just trying to keep her comfortable, safe, and 'at peace' here. that's what she says sometimes, she just wants to be at peace and watch TV without having to struggle for the things she'd been struggling to do alone for so long with COPD. Her major fear now is losing her breath as it is very hard for her to get it back.
Once again your Mom is now the "parent" and you are once again the "child". As with any parent, they are going to ask a child where are you, when are you coming home, and where have you been.
This transition took place over a decade. Now she no longer recognizes me when I visit. Which is a relief.
I knew my mother had dementia (although she argued vehemently that she was fine and refused any treatment) and her assessment showed that she was far worse than I imagined. Had no idea where she lived, the year, her age, nor could she identify the grandchildren she practically lived with.
I’m here to warn you of how it played out for us. Your mother is not going to snap out of it or recognize her selfish behaviour and change. If any, ANY, opportunity presents itself for an assessment, jump at it! This kind of thing gradually increases and we often put up with its increments. Until we are totally consumed.
Every time I leave to go anywhere (even just out the door into the yard) she asks where I'm going and when I'll be back. When I tell her when I'll be back, she says "I'll bet." It's really like being a teenager again, with her having to know my every move, and it does get annoying.
I don't leave her by herself unless it's just for a few minutes, but she MUST always know exactly where I'm going, and why. When I tell her, after she says "I'll bet" she responds with more questions. I think in one respect she's delaying me leaving, and also is anxious about me leaving.
If I have to go to the store (pretty much the only place I go these days), someone is always there with her. But I can also check in on her on my phone through the camera I have set up to watch her when she's in her chair. This is really relieves my mind if I'm out longer than I'd planned and I start to worry.
Nevertheless, she is very obsessed with me and where I am at all times. When I'm out, she will yell my name non-stop to the point that the sitter will head for the door lickety split when I get home because there is no satisfying my mother.
She will also declare that I have no right to be gone "this long".
Same thing when I'm at home. Non stop calling my name and demanding that I meet her demands immediately. Day and night.
Honestly I've never met anyone as selfish. She had a very toxic, enmeshed relationship with my now-deceased twin brother and she now has transferred her emotional needs onto me. I cannot meet her emotional needs and I refuse to take it on. I force boundaries. It's like she wants us to be one person - or me to be an extension of her instead of my own person. Ugh. I could go on and on.
I'm weary.
And, your need a break from your caregiving duties.
Is she able to manage on her own: fetch a drink, snack, manage toileting?
Does she carry a mobile/cell phone? Could she call EMS if she fell? Have a falls alarm? Know how to use it?
How is her memory?
My Mom can repeat "back in 2 hours" or whatever time frame Dad has said he will be gone. But she will ask on repeat for 2 hours when is he coming back? Anxious ++
To me it appears she cannot *feel* the time, cannot feel the concept of the current time or how much time has passed. So 10 mins feels like forever (similar to little children).
When elders reach the stage of not being able to be left alone, in-home sitters are needed. Alternatively, elder day care a few days a week (to allow the caregiver some free time) or even consider residential aged care living.
Those with Dementia should not be left alone.