Hello! Mom has been in an independent senior living place for a few years now. She has been getting progressively worse with hearing and dementia. Her short-term memory is practically gone now. She has caregivers in 24/7 now. She recently was hospitalized after a fall after getting out of bed in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. She banged her head and had a mild concussion and several cuts on her face requiring stitches. She contracted a C-diff infection in the hospital. We contacted the facility where she lives and they have a Memory Care available, but not immediately. She is back in her regular apartment with the 24/7 caregivers. The Memory apartment will be ready in about a week. Our task is to get her there, it's in the same building. All agree (siblings and staff at hospital, docter, etc.) that is where she should be. PROBLEM: She is extremely proud and in the past all suggestions were met with a fierce pitched battle. When driving was restricted...pitched battle. Moving to the senior living...pitched battle. After much arguing, crying, swearing, finally worn down and would accept. In this situation, she always looked down (filters gone) on the folks from memory care or assisted living and now she will end up there!
Any ideas how to approach it now? I know to use the "inform" don't "ask" technique. But exactly what to say? What if she becomes violent? Thanks in advance!
I would take her to a common area while you clean out her room. After it was all done, I would then take her to her new room. I would explain that the doctor had determined she needed more care. Also, that the 24/7 caregiving was expensive and using up her money. Let her get mad. It is now what she needs not what she wants.
tell her she will be safer and it will help her stay healthier. (OK I am exaggerating. still can still fall, can still get sick )
tell her IL pretty much same as AL. But just more people to help.
my mom does the same thing. looked down on people w memory problems. like "oh that poor lady! I hope I never get like that" (surprise you 'are' just like that)
The social worker said that they would have to call the sheriff, have him transported to a psych ward at a hospital, get meds adjusted, and then get transferred to a facility that handles behavior problems.
We were told they could not put my Dad into a memory care unit if he had any aggressive or violent episodes until after 2 weeks of no incidents. For the safety of the other residents and staff.
What helped with with my Dad was telling him that if he did not cooperate that the sheriff would be called, and he would be taken to a ER and get a psych evaluation.
Even with his dementia, he understood he would be worse off, so he behaved. And got medication to help with his aggression and delusions. He is 90.
But if you don’t have any legal standing or the correct evaluations done, I don’t know how you can make someone do something they refuse.
All people have legal rights to make their own decisions unless they are determined through the courts to not have the capacity to manage their own health or finances.
I hope I didn’t alarm you, but you sound scared that this will not go well. Just sharing our experience and what we had to do to get Dad out of his apartment.
Hugs to you. I hope it works out to the best for you and your mother.