My mom moved in with me and my boyfriend recently. She is only 65 years old. She uses a wheelchair after having a stroke and muscular deterioration from diabetic neuropathy. I’ve noticed all she wants to do all day is stare at her phone. She scrolls social media and plays phone games ALL. DAY. LONG.
She has had (some bad, IMO) healthcare professionals in the past tell her that there is no point in her doing any sort of rehab exercises, so she refuses to exercise or try to move her body in any significant way. And she firmly yells that she CANT when I suggest any other sort of activity such as coloring or knitting. She’s more concerned that she won’t make perfect works of art because of her weakness from the stroke, so she won’t try. She says she’s blind so she can’t do any reading, but she can see her tiny phone screen! I’m worried that spending up to 8 hours a day on her phone is bad for her eyes, neck, brain, etc. I’m brand new to caregiving (I’m only 30...I’m the millennial who is supposed to be phone addicted). Does anyone have any suggestions?
That's on a light note. We both know it is important for her to "use it or lose it" in terms of her diabetes which is so hard on every system, esp circulatory. But I have not a CLUE how to help you. Setting limits with a 65 year old is harder than with the college kids.
In-home care "sounds" nice but often winds up being a sterile environment for the LO (seeing same people only all the time) and the caregiving very intense for the child. Also, you should not be paying for any of her living expenses or care. She should be paying you rent/utilities. If not then you are robbing your future self.
Transitioning her to another care scenario will be easier said than done, but I think it is essential you do it. Your mother is a big girl and can adjust. She won't like it, but neither will you, eventually. It will be "for her own good". Please read the many thousands of posts on this forum of caregiver burnout by well-meaning and loving family members. Please know what you're signing up for if you continue down this path. Blessings and may you have the courage to make an important decision.
You are to young to be tied to someone that will not participate in their own life and recovery. She may never be 100% but guaranteed she would be better than she is now with some effort. Did you hear the doctor say no need or did she tell you this? My dad would tell me a line of malarkey about what the doctors told him, I knew better because I was present when the conversations took place. It was always perverted in his memory to best serve him and what he wanted.
No one knows her like you do and if she resists your ideas I don't know how anyone else could help with ideas.
I would definitely try to find a small care home that would accept what she makes as full payment. I found that was all my dad could afford, they don't have the same amenities as a large facility but they feed, house and care for people at a much lower rate.
And if you are worried about her neck and eyes, maybe an ipad with a bigger screen would help her. (you know, if you can't beat them....join them and make it better!!)
Call your area agency on aging to see if there is a friendly visitor program available in your area, or check out the local senior center for activities. Also, look for stroke support groups in your area, she needs to see that other people who have had a stroke can still be active!
And I live in California too. You need to apply for her medi-cal! She will qualify for In-Home Support Services which will provide help in the home, and they will also pay for Adult day Health Care. And California also has the medi-cal assisted living waiver program, meaning they will pay for assisted living! But not in Nevada county where you live. Here is a link to the state website: https://www.dhcs.ca.gov/services/ltc/Pages/AssistedLivingWaiver.aspx
maybe there is a close by county that honors the program.
Good luck to you!!! There are options!