I am afraid that soon after mom moves in to memory care she willl drive them nuts and they will ignore her. She constantly needs a tissue, her pillow adjusted, to go to the bathroom, a cracker, a tooth pick…it never ends. She is in AL but she is forgetting steps in simple routines and they think it is beyond MCI and now dementia; so do I. I have been propping her up but can no longer. How do caregivers in MC deal if one person needs too much? She is just starting on Seroquel so maybe that will help?
“How do caregivers in MC deal if one person needs too much?”
like you said, sometimes by ignoring.
where i live, the more “trouble” the elderly person creates in a facility, the more they’ll be neglected by staff.
(pressing the call button often, etc., wanting this/that).
also the more the family watches, and asks for this/that, the more the staff will neglect the person.
i’m just talking about where i live. the facilities here are awful.
of course there are places in the world with kind, caring facilities.
Occasionally he calls to complain about it but I tell him he made his bed ....
Seroquel is good and it did help my dad but as the cognitive decline is a constant it is going to be an upward struggle.
Best wishes to you and your family.
This is to be discussed with your mom's MD and do your research.
It may take some experimentation to know the right dosage, and possibly adding other medications. I cannot emphasize enough to research these drugs yourself and discuss with medical professionals you trust.
My client exhibited, while not officially diagnosed, throughout her life a narcissistic personality disorder. During the transition from her home to memory care, she physically fought with staff. She had to be restrained. Some of this was medication and some of this behavior is 'who she is.'
This is a transitional time for your mom. Do keep in close contact with dept heads, social worker, and MDs caring for your mom.
From my perspective as a care manager, I was informed of this client's personality and befriended her accordingly, i.e.,
1) I acknowledged her feelings.
2) I did not argue - if anything, I would agree with her.
3) I would (and still do) tell her how important she is and valuable in the group (memory care unit), helping the staff with her input.
- While your mom may not need or want this kind of interaction, it certainly help(ed)(s) my client to know she has me 'in her corner'. She trusts me. And, she remembers me (I see her weekly as family live out of state.)
In my situation, the family had to provide a 'sitter' within the memory care unit (to be with her in her room) for a few weeks until she was able to be managed w the regular staff. The staff, while well trained (and super heros to me) are experienced with this type of behavior, they cannot give one person all the attention when they are dealing with 10-15 people in a group setting. Although I believe they check in on her every two hours throughout the night. Memory care aides/staff have 'seen it all.' This doesn't mean its easy.
Even while I intentionally established a trust with this client from the beginning of my working with her (about a month or so before she transitioned into a hospital and then transferred to memory care), I can do 'just' so much, depending on her mood and other factors (how much sleep she got the night before, the hallucinations she believes are real (= she gets very angry), if meds need to be adjusted (again), or if she has a pain and doesn't express physical pain.
- In some situations, she needs to be separated from the group setting.
- She may need someone to sit with her in her room (a 'time out').
- Other individuals may need to be physically restrained. Attempting to or hitting a caregiver or staff is not acceptable. Nor it is acceptable to hit another resident.
Each person is different.
* When you speak with her, listen and acknowledge how she says she feels.
REMEMBER, SHE IS FRIGHTENED / FEARFUL / CONFUSED. She doesn't understand what is happening to her.
- When this client was first in a hospital and at times, restrained, she was on different meds-with varying responses (ie screaming and physical fighting with staff and a sitter = a 24/7 caregiver in the hosp room. I walked in and asked her quietly "are you hungry?" . . . tell me what you want. Within moments she fell asleep. A part of her realized I was listening and acknowledging her - and her feelings. Even with dementia, a person gets compassion and caring - places in the brain and energy fields.
She may 'strike out' to protect herself as she deems necessary for survival and how meds affect an individual. We really do not know what her brain chemistry is telling her.
If you can, give hold or give her a hand massage. Touch, gentle touch is very important. Often it is impossible to verbally talk / communicate. They 'get it' with compassionate, gentle touch.
* Never ever argue. As they believe they are always right, this is what needs to be reinforced.
* Take care of yourself. You need time outs. We all do. Even 45 minute meditations a day will help you.
Gena / Touch Matters
If your mom's "high maintenance" is fueled by anxiety, Seroquel will probably help. It certainly helped my mom. Still, memory care will be an adjustment for her. Make sure her needs are met, but don't worry about the endless wants; the crackers, the toothpicks, etc. etc. The staff will know what to do. That's what you're paying them for!
Memory Care - experiences /advice?
Until nursing home assisted living make their facilities safety has or will change I would not recommend seniors to go there. For the reason listed below.
COVID-19 tore through long-term care facilities across the country, accounting for a third of coronavirus deaths during the first year of the pandemic. Tragic tales of deaths due to problems with testing, personal protective equipment and infection control emerged at state veterans’ homes in Massachusetts, New Jersey, and Texas.
The inspector general’s report on the VA Illiana Health Care System in Danville is the first to publicly detail extensive breakdowns at a facility operated by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. The agency runs a system of 134 nursing homes that serve roughly 9,000 veterans a day across 46 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.
An examination by the Government Accountability Office in June found there were 3,944 cases and 327 deaths among residents of VA nursing homes from March 2020 through mid-February. The cumulative case rate among residents was 17% and the death rate was 1%.
Those numbers are miniscule compared to nursing homes nationwide, where researchers estimate there were 592,629 cases and 118,335 deaths last year. The death rate among long-term care residents as of March was 8%, according to the COVID Tracking Project.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Sorry, I have seen abuse, lack of care, and now to add to the problems, the threat of covid. Please think about home care, you can use her money, am sure she must have her own SS money coming in and perhaps other money, Mother paid for all her help,
The places are all understaffed and if you need help doing anything, you won't get it.
They will totally ignore your call button.
Your mom will not get help going to the bathroom which means, she will fall trying to do it herself or she will lay in her own urine and feces for up to an hour or longer.
If mom is labeled trouble, they will put her on medication and she will end up zombie like.
The Best place for mom is at her own place with Caregivers or living with a loved one and have Caregiver help.
I hate to say this but she'll be gone in 6 months.
If your Dad was in the Military, you could get up to 30 hrs a week Care help.
Prayers
If mom is labeled a trouble maker
We currently have one client who has to use a stand-aid to get up from her riser-recliner and even then has great difficulty, needs two people to assist, but the one thing that really does make me want to tear my hair out is that every single time she reaches first for a tissue and clutches it in her palm. We gently remind her that she needs both hands free to grip the rail. She won't let us hold it for her, but has to tuck it in to her watch strap, where it doesn't fit because the strap is already too tight (she won't let us alter that, either). IT TAKES ALL FLIPPING NIGHT!!! Aaaaaarrrrggghhhh..!
When my mother was still at home, she went through about four boxes of tissues a week. At night, she'd grab one from the bedside table, dab her nose once, then squirrel it under the pillow. My dad would find 20-30 of them under the pillow every morning, and I found at least 200 of them under the bed at one time.
When I moved Mom to MC in 2019, I brought along a Costco size package of a dozen boxes of Kleenex hoping it'd last two weeks or so. I didn't spend much time in Mom's room, so I kind of forgot about it or figured they were supplying her Kleenex habit.
When we were cleaning out her things after she died, there was the unopened package of twelve boxes right there in her closet where I'd left them. They simply didn't have them available, so the obsession with tissues was broken.
Ideally MC will keep your mom occupied with other things so she too will break those habits. She'll be in different surroundings which also tends to stop some of that OCD behavior, so don't worry that she'll be too high maintenance -- they've seen it ALL.
That's pretty sad that your mother's tissues were found unopened in the closet.
What did they do for her nose in MC? Just let her have snot all over the place? Or sit picking her nose all day because there's no tissues?
That's bad.
They put the residents on a toileting routing, normally, in MC. So they'll ask your mother every 2 hours if she needs to use the bathroom? They will establish their OWN routine with her, as they have with my difficult mother, and that is a lot of what the HUGE monthly cost is for! Don't worry too much; they put up with A LOT in MC, trust me. My mother is the equivalent of 3 residents with her nonsense and they put up with her willingly! I always thank the staff PROFUSELY whenever I go over there, too, b/c I know what they have to deal with. ((((Eyeroll))) The staff does not ignore my mother, either........what they do with the residents is they get them up and dressed by 9:30 am and into the activity room for the majority of the day; that's where they eat, socialize, watch movies, do activities, etc. The aides help all the residents (23 in total, for the most part) and it's easier that way. If a resident is on hospice, then they can stay in bed all day, o/w, they stay in the activity room.
BTW, toothpicks are a no-no in my mother's MC. Nothing pointed, sharp or potentially dangerous is allowed in MC. My mother had a meltdown over that rule, too, b/c she loooooooves her toothpicks. She got over it. You'll get a list of what they CANNOT have in their rooms once she moves in.
Wishing you the best of luck letting go of your worries and letting the staff deal with your mother!