Can anyone think of why my Mom, who has Alzheimer's, is obsessed with all forms of trash? She is unsteady on her feet but still living at home with the 24/7 caregivers I set up for her. If even two little pieces of trash are put into her kitchen trash, she wants to instantly take that to her outside can, which means someone has to accompany her. She never cares about most days of the week but she knows when the city trash pick-up day is. At 6:30 AM or 11:00 PM, in the dark, she insists on rolling the clankety, noisy can to the street. I've tried explaining that this will disturb the neighbors, but she doesn't care. For entire trash pickup day, she will sit at the window watching for the trash truck to come. If they haven't come by 2:00 PM, she enters a new stage of irritability and starts demanding to know when they're coming. She's now even begun focusing on the neighbor's (most work and get home after dark) trash cans. If they haven't picked their cans up when Mom thinks they should, Mom wants to totter out to their driveways and bring their cans in. We all try to redirect her focus, to no avail. This has all become very draining trying to keep her from going out in the dark in her dubious neighborhood. Help?
I suggest you read this 33 of booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Good luck to you see
If this is your only problem with mom--geez, be grateful!
I can't think her neighbors would really be put out by this. What I'd worry about is that she's rolling the cans out at night and could fall and not be found.
Maybe a chat with a close neighbor who wouldn't mind just keeping an eye open for her? I know we watch out for our elderly neighbors and have a close sense of community.
As far as the OCD--I can only wish you luck. It's a terribly hard thing to overcome--and mom probably won't.
My mom had anxiety about arriving at the doctor’s office on time. We were never late for any appointments. I made sure to have her there early.
Then, my mother would say to me, “Honey, why do we have to wait so long to see the doctor?” I told her, “Mom, we are a few minutes early for your appointment because you become anxious about being late, so we are going to have to wait for a bit longer.”
This type of behavior goes along with the territory of dementia.
I remember my friends grandpa no longer understood why the seasons changed and why the leaves were falling..he got so upset about it until she made up this wild saga of a story that entertained him for hours. Dementia reverts the mind back to that of a child.
something that has to be done until another obsession takes over her mind. My mom had obsessions too. She watched the neighbors' house across the street for robbers because the neighbors were in the service and out of town a lot. It seemed she thought it was her responsibility. She would tell me she saw someone upstairs in their house or someone going in their house nearly every day. Nothing was ever going on over there. All I could do was tell her I checked on it and the police have been watching for anything unusual or that it was a reflection in the window that she saw, and would even say and saw it and I was fooled too by that reflection. When they were home she watched them constantly too. She'd tell me they hadn't washed their curtains in years. Hmm, I said, should I go tell them to wash their curtains? She had a good sense of humor, so she'd laugh. When I moved her to assisted living she started it up again with a house across the street from the facility. She even had a partner then in on it. Another lady too really felt the need to watch the neighbors with her. I tried also to get her to do other things than watch the house across the street. She was on medications that were to help her with anxiety, but they didn't help with obsessions. They might for your mom though.
:)
I really appreciate those guys.
My uncle was always late in putting the trash cans out to be picked up. My aunt would become infuriated and yell at my uncle if the trash wasn’t picked up.
One day he was almost on time and the garbage collectors were just a couple of houses ahead collecting the neighbor’s trash. So, he whistled at them and motioned for them to return to his house. They did and he gave them a big tip!
LOL 😆, the garbage collectors started waiting outside of his home when he was late, knowing that he would always tip them heavily so he wouldn’t be yelled at by my aunt.
Hey, the bright side is like Catskie says, things are always neat at their home. The trash isn’t piling up!
As far as the neighbors being disturbed, are you kidding me? I have absolutely no idea when my neighbors are putting out their trash. I don’t know and I don’t care! I doubt that they are watching when the trash is going out.
Start looking at the real issues here, her dementia is the problem. Get her on meds so she can stop focusing on the garbage!
It is not unusual for dementia pts ( such as Alz. pts) to perseverate on things...
is this somehow connected to her
" long term memory" that is still a bit more intact than the" short term memory" ???? Who knows....
Keeping her safe is the key factor
( as well as your sanity).
Could you perhaps place her in the house where she does not have such a direct line of vision to the curb where garbage trucks / cans are ?? Maybe play some of her generation music during that time of garbage collection?? ( Mute the sounds from outside). You may have already tried these.
Speak with her PCP. She may have increased anxiety associated with her disease process; the PCP may have alternative treatment that may help both keep her safe, decrease anxiety and, help preserve your sanity.
Practice good self care ! You need it! Have help so you can take a break !
Sometimes those with dementia need a job to do and maybe she has decided this is her responsibility because no one lets her do anything else. Here are a couple links to an example I had seen several years ago of how important this may be and how it may solve some anxiety issues...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_sbiUC5wE8
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1657471264311943
Fortunately my husband is not on that level so far, but I have begun trying to ask him to help whenever I have a simple job he can do. He has gotten good at moving clothes from the washer to the dryer. However, I do have to watch him and be specific because once he picked up clothes off the floor and added them to dryer along with the wet clothes.
So, I am the one on meds now. My skin is broken out, I’ve lost and gained weight, and my hair is gone grey. I don’t eat properly and I feel I will die before her. Her OCD behaviour, her agitation, her night wandering, bathroom hygiene, has caused me so much pain and stress I had to say “enough”.
Luckily, we were able to get her into a beautiful facility and I am trying not to be a helicopter daughter. It’s still tough and I worry, but someone on this forum said, “it can’t be all about her all the time!”. That really helped and I tell myself that every day. I’m easier on myself now.
The trash can will always be empty, then, and presumably she will have some peace from her obsessive need to take it out -- as will you?!
It might be a little inconvenient to always whisk every bit of trash away into a hidden trashcan location, but still less maddening than taking a trashcan to the curb every minute of every day. Think of it like going camping and not leaving a bit of trash out or it will attract raccoons?! Your mom is a raccoon...
Anyway, the point is that you can't change your mom's obsession so the only thing you can change is the trash itself. If your mom is perfectly happy and contented with her obsession, then it makes little sense to give her anxiety medication, which comes with side-effects.