My dad passed last year and mom went into nursing home for 3 months and then lived with my brother for about 7 months and then they got evicted so I moved mom into a nice rv on our property so I can care for her daily....I work and it’s been difficult but I can’t put her back into that nursing home and it would be easier if she would accept that she has to use wheelchair and everything is difficult now for her but she doesn’t have pain like most do with neuropathy and I tell her daily she should feel blessed for that! I just can’t handle all the negativity and she gives up and wants me to do “everything” for her and I have explains to her that she doesn’t use it she loses it...I want her to at least try...I guess I need to vent but if there’s anyone that has gone through this and know what I can do to be of better support for her...I appreciate any advice
We just placed my mother in AL, she really likes it, is surrounded by people her own age, has activities and more. She is no longer sitting by herself 24/7, IMO this is not healthy for a elderly person. She has too much time to think and feel sorry for herself, and you are her sounding board.
I would suggest that you rethink your options...good luck.
I bring this up because the fellow I cared for after his stroke was very negative and down. He was put on gabapentin both for the neuropathy and it is a mood stabilizer. He was much more willing to help himself and to try being as active as possible to preserve what function he did still have.
maybe this will work for her too?
My mother finally went into a wheelchair due to neuropathy, about 2 years too late, after taking 36 falls and going back & forth to the ER and to the ENT doctor for the chronic vertigo she suffered as a result of not knowing where she was in space. Now that she's in the wheelchair, the vertigo is gone, but not the chronic leg/foot pain she suffers with the neuropathy (Yes your mother is lucky in that regard) so all I hear is chronic complaining. She lives in Memory Care b/c she also suffers from dementia and about 10 other chronic health issues including CHF and AFIB. She'll be 93 at the end of this month.
She fights PT and OT tooth and nail, then begs to get signed up for it again once it ends. It's back on now, and she's been complaining daily. They come too early or they come too late. She's either too tired, too full from eating, or feeling too much pain to actually DO any of the PT and OT that needs to be done in order for her muscles not to atrophy. She complains that the PT and OT makes the pain worse, then when it ends, she complains the pain is worse because there is no PT & OT.
See where I'm going with this? Nowhere. There is no cure for old age. There is no cure for chronic complaining. But there IS help for YOU by getting her placed in a different SNF that meets your approval. If you'd like some respite from all of this. If not, then try getting her some PT & OT at home. Please read above for what you might expect from it. Sigh.
Oh, I also wanted to mention my mother does take Gabapentin for the nerve pain; I have no idea why it'd be prescribed for your mother if she has no pain from the neuropathy. It does have strong antianxiety effects, and has been proven effective in the treatment of panic disorder and social phobia. I just looked that up, actually, thanks to Katie's comment; I had no idea Gabapentin had ANY other uses. Too much is no good, however, as it can cause adverse side effects. Mother also takes Wellbutrin for chronic depression, but unfortunately, it doesn't help with complaining. Nothing helps in that department, as far as I know. :(
Wishing you all the luck in the world dealing with this difficult situation.
Make a list of things she needs to do each day and resist doing them yourself.
Try a different NH. Visit all in your area and even out of your area. They aren’t all the same. I know you are doing the best you can. Do try to sit and visit with her. She must be very lonely. Breath. Start a meditation with her. Just a few minutes will help you both and will improve her mood. Ask her to greet you pleasantly and give you a hug. Start there. Before you go in to see her, take a breath and shake off the worries and concerns of the day. Realize that your energy affects her just like her energy affects you. Let us know how it’s going.
I would suggest u call her doctor and ask for PT and OT homecare. A therapist will come in and evaluate Mom and where she is. They will offer suggestions. Mom will get therapy teaching her how to get her ADLs done.
Complaining gets no one anywhere. Neuropathy is forever, but being negative won’t help.